"The Good Place" Janet and Michael (TV Episode 2017) Poster

(TV Series)


D'Arcy Carden: Janet



  • Janet : That glitch appears to be limited to this building. So Vicky won't know. That's the good news. The bad news is, I seem to be losing my ability to sustain object permanence. So it's sort of a glass half full, glass stops existing in time and space, kind of deal.

  • Shawn : I understand that you need the four humans to think they're in the Good Place, but using an actual Good Place Janet seems risky. Why don't you have a Bad Place Janet pretend to be good?

    Michael : I thought of that, but watch. Uh, Janet?

    Bad Janet : [appearing]  What up, skid marks?

    Michael : Let's try that thing again where you pretend to be a Good Janet, okay? Now, really... really try your best.

    Bad Janet : Fine.

    Michael : Say, Janet, where can I get some delicious ice cream?

    Bad Janet : Oh, there's a wonderful parlor in the middle of town square. My favorite flavor is Rocky Road. It contains chocolate ribbon, marshmallows...

    [her head begins to melt and implode in on itself] 

    Bad Janet : And your dad's salty nuts, you fat dink!

    Shawn : I see what you mean. Use the good one.

  • Michael : What are you telling me? Are you saying that because you're glitching out...

    Janet : The neighborhood is in danger of total collapse. Fun fact, mathematically, it's equally likely to either im- or explode.

  • Janet : I don't have any memory of being married to Jason.

    Michael : You said it yourself that Janets get more sophisticated every time they're rebooted. Well, maybe you falling in love with Jason was some sort of mutation that then was amplified with each reboot.

    Janet : Okay, that makes total sense. I know what you have to do now. Kill me! Sorry, I say everything in a cheery manner, but in this case, it may be inappropriate, so I'll try again.

  • Michael : Janet, I can't reboot you. That will intensify your feelings for Jason, and that's what got us into this mess in the first place.

    Janet : I'm not saying reboot me. I'm saying set me to self-destruct.

    Michael : [reading a page in the manual]  "In the event of continued malfunction, hold down Janet's nose and insert paper clip into small hole behind left ear."

    Janet : Yeah, right here.

    Michael : "Janet will rapidly collapse in on herself. When Janet is roughly the size of a marble, she can be launched into space through an inter-dimensional suction tube, or eaten as a mid-day snack."

    Janet : I'm very high in potassium. Like a banana!

    Michael : "A new Janet will need to be procured in order to return the neighborhood to functionality."

    Janet : Easy. I'll be gone, you'll get a new Janet, and everything will go back to normal. Well, not for me. I'll be a lifeless marble floating through space.

  • Eleanor Shellstrop : So, let me get this straight. You want me to convince Michael to turn you into a marble because you're causing earthquakes because you're sad about Jason to whom you were once married because he's currently sleeping with Tahani?

    Janet : Correct.

    Eleanor Shellstrop : I don't think I've ever meant this literally, but that might be too much information.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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