Chris Pratt: Peter Quill, Star-Lord
Peter Quill : You shouldn't have killed my mom and squished my Walkman.
Rocket : Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter Quill : I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket : Not a single person has tape?
Peter Quill : Nope!
Rocket : Did you ask Nebula?
Peter Quill : Yes!
Rocket : Are you sure?
Peter Quill : I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
Rocket : I knew you were lying!
Peter Quill : You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
[Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
Rocket : That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter Quill : You are wasting a lot of time here!
[Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
Rocket : [to himself] We're all gonna die.
Peter Quill : Well, you may not be mortal, but me...
Ego : No, Peter... death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Peter Quill : I'm immortal?
Ego : Mmm-hmm.
Peter Quill : Really?
Ego : Yes! As long as the light exists.
Peter Quill : And, I could use the light to build cool things like, how you made this whole planet?
Ego : Well, it might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Peter Quill : What! This is... Well, get ready for a 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear...
Ego : You can do anything you want.
Peter Quill : I'm gonna make some weird shit.
[from fourth mid-credit scene]
Peter Quill : [on teenage Groot] And now I know how Yondu felt.
Ego : I created what I imagined biological life to be like... down to the most minute detail.
Drax : Did you make a penis?
Peter Quill : Dude!
Gamora : What is wrong with you?
Drax : If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter Quill : I don't need to hear how my parents...
Drax : Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter Quill : That's disgusting.
Drax : It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
Ego : Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax : Ha! Thank you!
Ego : It's not half bad.
Peter Quill : I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He's a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me... Yondu didn't have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women, and fought robots... I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu.
Peter Quill : I had a pretty cool dad. What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes that *thing* you're searching for your whole life... is right there by your side all along. And you don't even know it.
Rocket : Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter Quill : I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket : I did it because I wanted to!
Peter Quill : Dick.
Rocket : What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax : How little?
Rocket : [holding his thumb and forefinger close together] Well, I don't know, like this?
Gamora : [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket : Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Peter Quill : It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket : *Don't call me a racoon*!
Peter Quill : I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion]
Rocket : Is that better?
Drax : I don't know.
Peter Quill : [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.
Mantis : When I touch someone I can feel their feelings.
[touches Quill's hand]
Mantis : You feel... love!
Peter Quill : Yeah, I guess - Yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for everyone.
Mantis : No. *Sexual* love...
Peter Quill : No. No, I don't.
Mantis : [points at Gamora] ... for her!
Peter Quill : No!
[Drax begins laughing hysterically]
Drax : She just told everyone you deepest, darkest secret!
[Drax continues laughing]
Peter Quill : Dude! Come on! I think you're reacting a little bit!
Drax : You must be so embarrassed!
[continues cracking up]
Drax : Do me! Do me! Do me!
Drax : The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside.
Gamora : Huh?... No, no! Drax, wait a minute! *Drax*!
[Drax charges at the monster, and leaps down its throat]
Peter Quill : [horrified] What is he doing?
Gamora : He said the skin is too thick to be pierced on the outside. So he...
Peter Quill : But, that doesn't make any sense!
Gamora : I tried telling him that!
Peter Quill : Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
Gamora : I *realize* that.
Mantis : If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Peter Quill : You read minds?
Mantis : No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
Mantis : [to Peter] May I?
Peter Quill : All right.
Mantis : [Mantis touches Peter's hand] You feel... love.
Peter Quill : Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...
Mantis : No! Romantic, sexual love.
Peter Quill : No. No, I don't.
Mantis : [points to Gamora] For her!
Peter Quill : No, no. No, I don't.
Mantis : [points to Gamora] For her.
Peter Quill : No! That is not...
[Drax starts laughing hysterically]
Peter Quill : Okay... That's...
Drax : [still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Peter Quill : Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax : [still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!
Drax : [to Mantis] Do me! Do me! Do me!
[Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
Mantis : I've never felt such humor!
Peter Quill : So unbelievably uncool.
Drax : Oh, Quill...
[Mantis walks over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora : Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.
Peter Quill : This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora : Why would they do that?
Drax : Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket : Dude!
Drax : [awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
Peter Quill : You said you loved my mother.
Ego : And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I'd... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
Peter Quill : What?
Ego : Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad...
[Peter continuously shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
Ego : [reforming] Who... in the *hell*... do you think you are?
Peter Quill : *You killed my mother*!
Ego : I tried *so hard* to find the form...
The Form of David Hasselhoff : [changes form to David Hasselhoff] ... that best *suited you*... and this is the thanks I get?
Ego : [changes back] You really need to *grow up*.
[Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
Ego : I wanted to do this together... but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a *battery*!
Peter Quill : [to Rocket] What is your goal here? To get everyone to hate you? Because it's working.
Ayesha : Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny, germinating them in birthing pods.
Peter Quill : I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha : Well, Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
Peter Quill : Showtime, a-holes!
Gamora : What was that story you told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Peter Quill : [confused] Who?
Gamora : He owned a magic boat?
Peter Quill : [after a long pause] David Hasselhoff?
Gamora : Right.
Peter Quill : Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora : Why did he talk again?
Peter Quill : To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
[Peter Quill comes into Groot's room, sees that his room are mess with vines and Teen Groot playing mind-numbing game]
Peter Quill : Ohh! Dude! Seriously? You've gotta clean up your room, it's a complete mess!
Groot : I am Groot.
Peter Quill : I'm not boring, you're boring! You know what's boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game, what's boring is me, tripping over your vines every day. I'm not boring!
Groot : I am Groot.
Peter Quill : And now, I know how Yondu felt.
Ego : I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose, and now it is yours as well.
Peter Quill : It's beautiful.
Ego : Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extensions of myself on thousands of worlds. I need to fulfill life's one true purpose... To grow and spread, covering *all* that exists until everything is... me.
Ego : I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But, instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Peter Quill : I'll tell ya why; I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't. Made it easier for thieving.
Ego : Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax : I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter Quill : What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time, you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax : You look exactly alike!
Rocket : *One's blue!*
Peter Quill : No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight... and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego : [shocked] Eat you?
Peter Quill : Yeah.
Ego : Oh, that son of a bitch!
Ego : [Peter has 'Brandy' by Looking Glass playing on the walkman] It's fortuitous that you're listening to this song.
Peter Quill : You know...?
Ego : 'Brandy' by Looking Glass. A favorite of your mom's. One of Earth's greatest musical compositions; perhaps its very greatest.
Peter Quill : Yeah.
Ego : You and I, Peter, we're the sailor in the song.
[Begins speaking the lyrics as they play]
Ego : He came on a summer's day / Bringing gifts from far away - like the child I put in your mother, or the freedom you brought Gamora.
Ego : Brandy, you're a fine girl / What a good wife you would be / But my life, my love, my lady is the sea. The sea calls the sailor back. He loves the girl, but that's not his place.
Peter Quill : I thought your thing was a sword?
Gamora : We've been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries and I'm going to stop it with a sword?
Peter Quill : It's just... swords were your thing and guns were mine, but... I guess we're both doing guns now. I just didn't know that.