Grandmother : Who is it?
The Wolf : [Red's voice] It's your granddaughter Red.
Grandmother : How do I know it's you?
The Wolf : [still in Red's voice] Oh come on that's a perfect imitation. Open up, I brought Strawberry Short cake and Cool Whip.
Grandmother : And What?
The Wolf : [Wolf voice] Oh Sorry.
The Wolf : I mean Cool - Hwhip.
Grandmother : That's my little girl.
Glen Quagmire : [indicating Jack's beanstalk] What's this thing? It's blocking my view of Miss Muffet's tuffet.
Little Red Riding Hood : You know, if I had the guts, I would be "Little White Turtleneck." And by "guts," I mean "body."
The Wolf : Come in.
[Little Red Riding Hood comes into the house]
Little Red Riding Hood : Who the hell are you?
The Wolf : Why, your grandma, of course.
Little Red Riding Hood : All right, fine. I guess we're doing this. My, what big eyes you have, Grandma.
The Wolf : All the better to see you with, my dear.
Little Red Riding Hood : My, what big... you know what? I-I'm sorry, I-I can't. I-I can't do this. I-I'm not an idiot. My grandma is a human woman. How... how was this ever a scene?
Little Red Riding Hood : [to the Big Bad Wolf] So what happened with you and those three little pigs? Why did you want to eat them so badly?
The Wolf : It's so amazing that that's what people think happened! First of all, I didn't want to eat them. I wanted to talk to one of them!
Little Red Riding Hood : About what?
The Wolf : Well, she was my ex-girlfriend and I believed I was due an explanation about why she was such a fucking whore.
Little Red Riding Hood : All right, well, I'm off to my grandmother's, but before I go, I better take a deep-woods dump. Her bathroom is right off the dining room, so, it's either now or three days from now.