[Tywin and Cersei are strolling through the wedding feast]
Tywin Lannister : You're in rather a good mood.
Cersei Lannister : I suppose I am.
Tywin Lannister : I won't ask why.
Cersei Lannister : Small pleasures.
[Oberyn and Ellaria walk past]
Oberyn Martell : Your Grace! Lord Tywin!
Tywin Lannister : Prince Oberyn.
Oberyn Martell : I don't believe you have met Ellaria. This is the Lord Hand, Tywin Lannister, and Cersei Lannister, the Queen Regent. I suppose it is "former Queen Regent" now. Lord Hand, Lady Cersei... Ellaria Sand.
Ellaria Sand : My lord. My lady.
Tywin Lannister : Charmed.
Cersei Lannister : Can't say I've ever met a Sand before.
Ellaria Sand : We are everywhere in Dorne. I have ten thousand brothers and sisters.
Oberyn Martell : Bastards are born of passion, aren't they? We don't despise them in Dorne.
Cersei Lannister : No? How tolerant of you.
Oberyn Martell : I expect it is a relief, Lady Cersei, giving up your regal responsibilities. Wearing the crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked.
Cersei Lannister : I suppose you'll never know, Prince Oberyn. It's a shame your older brother couldn't attend the wedding.
Tywin Lannister : Please give him my regards. With any luck, the gout will abate with time and he'll be able to walk again.
Oberyn Martell : They call it a rich man's disease. A wonder you don't have it.
Tywin Lannister : Noblemen in my part of the country don't enjoy the same lifestyle as our counterparts in Dorne.
Oberyn Martell : People everywhere have their differences. In some places, the highborn frown upon those of low birth. In other places, the rape and murder of women and children is considered distasteful. What a fortunate thing for you, former Queen Regent, that your daughter Myrcella has been sent to live in a latter sort of place.
[at Joffrey's wedding, Pycelle is making a pass at a servant girl. Cersei approaches them]
Grand Maester Pycelle : No, no, no. Come to my chambers and I will examine you personally.
Cersei Lannister : [interrupts] She'll do no such thing.
Grand Maester Pycelle : [to Cersei] Oh, Your Grace. This young lady sought my advice on a rather, uh...
Cersei Lannister : [to the girl] Just see Qyburn, he's quite good.
[the girl leaves]
Grand Maester Pycelle : Qyburn? Deplorable man. Brought shame on the Citadel with his repugnant experiments...
Cersei Lannister : More repugnant than your gnarled fingers on that girl's thighs?
Grand Maester Pycelle : Your Grace, I am a man of learning...
Cersei Lannister : My little brother had you sent to the black cells when you annoyed him. What do you think I could do to you if you annoyed me?
Grand Maester Pycelle : I never meant to annoy anyone...
Cersei Lannister : But you ARE. You're annoying me right now. Every breath you draw in my presence annoys me. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to leave my presence. Leave this wedding right now, go to the kitchens, and instruct them that all the leftovers from the feast will be brought to the kennels.
Grand Maester Pycelle : Your Grace, uh, Queen Margaery said they were to be...
Cersei Lannister : The QUEEN is telling you the leftovers will feed the dogs... or you will.
[Pycelle leaves; Cersei waits until he is gone, smiles, and walks away]
Cersei Lannister : [referring to Tyrion] He did this. He poisoned my son, your king. Take him. Take him! TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM!
[Brienne approaches Joffrey. She bows, somewhat clumsily]
Brienne of Tarth : [to Cersei] Your Grace.
Brienne of Tarth : [to Joffrey] My king.
Brienne of Tarth : [to Margaery] My queen.
[Margaery rises and offers her hand to Brienne]
Margaery Tyrell : Lady Brienne.
[Brienne shakes Margaery's hand]
Margaery Tyrell : So good of you to come.
Brienne of Tarth : [smiles] I'm no lady, your Grace.
Cersei Lannister : [smiles teasingly] Did you just bow?
Brienne of Tarth : [calmly] Apologies, your Grace. I never did master the curtsy.
Joffrey Baratheon : [points at Brienne] You're the one who put a sword through Renly Baratheon.
Margaery Tyrell : That's not true, my love. Brienne had nothing to do with it.
Joffrey Baratheon : [sneers] A shame. I'd knight the man that put an end to that deviant's life.
Brienne of Tarth : I just wanted to congratulate you both and wish you good fortune. The country has been at war too long. I hope your reign is long and peaceful.
Joffrey Baratheon : [bored] Yes, yes.
Margaery Tyrell : [warmly] Thank you. I hope we see more of you.
Joffrey Baratheon : [being served wine by Tyrion] Mmm. Good. Needs washing down.
Tyrion Lannister : If it please, your Grace, Lady Sansa is very tired...
Joffrey Baratheon : No.
Joffrey Baratheon : You'll wait here... un...
Tyrion Lannister : Your Grace?
Joffrey Baratheon : It's nothing!
[He gasps for breath. Margaery sees shock on his face]
Margaery Tyrell : He's choking!
[Tywin and Cersei shift their chairs in a panic]
Olenna Tyrell : Help the poor boy!
[Joffrey staggers from the table, dying, choking and dropping the goblet]
Olenna Tyrell : Idiots! Help your King!
Jaime Lannister : Move away!
[Joffrey collapses, convulsing and vomiting]
Jaime Lannister : Joffrey! Joffrey!
Cersei Lannister : Help him! Someone help him!
Jaime Lannister : Joffrey!
Cersei Lannister : Joffrey!
Dontos Hollard : [Dontos appears behind Sansa] Come with me now.
Cersei Lannister : Joffrey! Joffrey!
Dontos Hollard : If you want to live, we have to leave.
Cersei Lannister : Don't touch him! Joffrey! Please! My God, what is it? Help him!
[Joffrey points accusingly to Tyrion, who is examining the goblet]