Don Jon (2013)
Don Jon: This fuckin' lady! Now I don't usually like it when a girl looks me right in the eye, and this girl does that a lot. But I don't know what it is about her, when she does it, I don't mind. I just look right back at her, and pretty soon, I'm hard as a fuckin' rock. It's like she knows what I'm thinkin', or I know what she's thinkin'. I don't know, it's a two-way thing. Fuckin' love it! And I don't mean love like, oh I love her or wanna marry her, definitely not thinkin' about all that shit. And she's not either... she can't. I guess I just mean love like, you know like... we're making love. And while we're doing it, all the bullshit does fade away, and it's just me and her right there, and yeah I do lose myself in her. And I can tell she's losing herself in me. And we're just fuckin'... lost together.
Barbara: Movies and porn are different, Jon. They give awards for movies.
Don Jon: And they give awards for porn too.
Don Jon: For the next few minutes all the bullshit fades away and the only thing in the world is those tits... dat ass... the blowjob... the cowboy, the doggie, the money shot and that's it, I don't gotta say anything, I don't gotta do anything. I just fucking lose myself.
Don Jon: Yeah. Not gonna lie. But this sound makes me hard as a fucking rock.
Don Jon: There's only a few things I really care about in life. My body. My pad. My ride. My family. My church. My boys. My girls. My porn.
Don Jon: Money shot? There is no real life money shot. Real girls won't do that shit. You just gotta cum into the fucking condom.
Bobby: That's her?
Don Jon: That's definitely her!
Bobby: She's a dime!
Don Jon: This girl's more than a dime, bro.
Bobby: There's no such thing. There's a scale from 1-10.
Don Jon: I'm just saying...
Bobby: Oh my god, what are you in love with her already?
Don Jon: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. Since last Sunday I had sexual relations out of wedlock two times. I also watched pornographic videos and masturbated seventeen times. For these, and all the sins in my life, I am sorry.
Don Jon: I never actually touch my cock 'til I find the right clip.
Monica: All I'm saying is, that girl, she has her own agenda. She doesn't care about Jonny, she doesn't know the first thing about him. She just wants a guy who's gonna do whatever she tells him to. It is a good thing that she broke up with you.
Danny: Listen, I don't like more than a handful of titty. No, no, no, no, no. No. A nice handful, I love it, but more than that, it's like, no! Shit starts to remind me of my mom or something.
Don Jon: Jesus Christ!
Bobby: Yeah, your mom do got some big-ass titties.
Danny: Don't talk about my mother.
Bobby: You brought up your mother.
Barbara: [Jon is dry humping Barbara] Jon?
Don Jon: Yeah?
Barbara: I can't let you come inside just yet. No, 'cause I don't know what that would mean. You know? I don't want to do anything unless it means something. Mm... Don't you think it's always better when it means something?
Don Jon: Yeah.
Barbara: I think you should go back to school, baby.
Don Jon: What?
Barbara: Yeah, come on. Just a night class. Just get your degree.
Don Jon: Oh!
Barbara: You would be so sexy with a real job.
Don Jon: Mm-hm! Yeah...
Barbara: So, what do you say? You, me and our friends, we go out sometime?
Don Jon: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Barbara: Yeah? And our families meet, huh? Yeah?
Don Jon: Yeah!
Barbara: And you take one night class for me, baby? One little class? Huh? Yeah? Yeah?
Don Jon: Yeah! Oh!
Barbara: And after that, are you going to fuck me in my tight ass, baby? Please?
Don Jon: Jesus!
Barbara: And maybe cum at my face? Huh, Jon? Do you want to cum at my face?
Don Jon: Oh, yes!
Barbara: Then come on, baby, cum for me! Cum! Cum!
Barbara: [Jon comes on Barbara's jeans] Mm-hm! Uh-huh. Nice.
Don Jon: Oh, Jesus!
Barbara: You're so cute. Call me.
Don Jon: You bet I will.
Angela: I look like a grandmother but do I have any grandchildren?
Barbara: Don't talk about vacuuming in front of me, come on!
Don Jon: Why, what's wrong?
Barbara: Why? Because it's not sexy, that's why!
Don Jon: There's only a few things I really care about in life. My body. My pad. My ride. My family. My church. My boys. My girls. And my porn. I know, the last one sounds weird, but I'm just bein' honest. Nothin' else does it for me the same way, not even real pussy. And I gotta plenty of that... Why do you think my boys call me 'The Don'?