Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen (2011 TV Special)
Charlie Sheen: Himself - Roastee
Charlie Sheen - Roastee : It's true, I've hung around with a lot of shady people over the years - losers, drug addicts, dealers, desperate whores. But to have you all here on one night is really special.
Charlie Sheen - Roastee : [his closing] Once again, I have come out unscathed. You can't hurt me. Hell, even I can't hurt me. Did you really think your little jokes were going to hurt me? I did porn stars. I did drugs. Then, I did the one thing everybody in America wishes he could do... I told my boss to fuck off. And then it was gone. I'm done with 'the winning'... because I've already won.
Charlie Sheen : The only reason William Shatner is here is because I needed his urine to pass a drug test. Had to wring it out of the diaper, but it did the job.
Charlie Sheen - Roastee : Steve-O! You're an animal, man! People say I'm crazy, but you, you're the real deal. This guy got a tattoo of his own face on his back!
[Steve-O stands up and shows the tattoo]
Charlie Sheen - Roastee : There it is. Even he knows it was a big mistake because it made Johnny Knoxville's cock go soft.