Homer Simpson: Marge, how much do they pay us for doing this?
Marge Simpson: Actually, we pay them for each peach we take home.
Homer Simpson: What the...? First I work, then I pay, then I have to eat fruit? Why was I ever born?
Homer Simpson: Masseuses: the half-doctors/half-hookers who solve everything.
The Great Raymondo: I got this phone for subscribing to Psychic Monthly, and then, I canceled the subscription. They never saw it coming.
The Great Raymondo: Magic is about mystery, illusion, pulling rabbits out of hats! Presto!
[pulls rabbit skeleton out of hat]
The Great Raymondo: Oh...
Lisa Simpson: Ew.
The Great Raymondo: Today's lesson: feed your props.
Nelson Muntz: God, if you don't bring my Lisa back safe,
Nelson Muntz: ants will burn tonight.
Homer Simpson: Lisa, don't feel bad. Judas betrayed Jesus, but he still got paid.
Penn Jillette: Because, when he...
Teller: Quiet! You talk on-stage. I talk off-stage. That was the curse the witch put on us.
Homer Simpson: The real magic is raising three kids in this economy!
David Copperfield: To show you we mean business, I'm unbuttoning my shirt and turning on a fan.