Lois Lane: [sees Oliver and Chloe] Hey guys! Come here. Sit with us.
Clark Kent: [speaking to Chloe] Quiet weekend at home, huh?
Chloe Sullivan: Trust me, we had no idea the two of you would be here.
Lois Lane: And we had no idea there was even a "you two," which I think is perfect. I think fate has brought us together.
Oliver Queen: Well it's ah...
[everyone exchanges awkward looks]
Oliver Queen: It's a little less fate, actually.
Chloe Sullivan: More fame.
Oliver Queen: [agreeing with Chloe] Fame.
Chloe Sullivan: This is so far off the beaten path that even the society pages couldn't find Star City's most eligible bachelor here.
Lois Lane: You mean *ex-bachelor*.
Chloe Sullivan: Okay, enough about that. How did you guys manage to find the road less traveled?
Clark Kent: Well, I found their brochure at the apartment. I figured Lois wanted to come here.
Lois Lane: What brochure?
Chloe Sullivan: That wasn't Lois' brochure, Clark. That was mine.
[awkward looks are again exchanged]
Clark Kent: How was I supposed to know that Oliver...?
Chloe Sullivan: You weren't. That's the point.
Oliver Queen: [Clark looks over at Oliver for help] Oh, don't look at me. I learned long ago not to assume what belongs to who in that apartment. You gotta use context clues.
Lois Lane: Yeah, speaking of clues let's talk about Mr. Green, in the bedroom, with my cousin.
Oliver Queen: There it is.
Clark Kent: Lois, I think they came here for brunch.
Lois Lane: Good point.
[smiles some what threateningly at Chloe]
Lois Lane: Look Chloe, there's food.
Chloe Sullivan: [Lois grabs Chloe by the arm and drags her outside] Woah!
Oliver Queen: [Clark and Oliver are at a loss for words] There's little jellies.
Clark Kent: [singing in the shower] I can't tell you, Lois.
[Chloe, possessed by the Silver Banshee enters, wearing only a towel. Clark throws back the shower curtain]
Clark Kent: Chloe?
[quickly wraps himself up in the shower curtain]
Clark Kent: What are you doing in here?
Chloe Sullivan: Well, I thought I would join you.
[drops her towel]
Clark Kent: [instantly averts his eyes] Yeah, I can see that.
[grabs a towel]
Clark Kent: At least, I'm trying not to see that. Um... you know, I'm done here, so the shower is yours.
[grabs another towel and tries to cover Chloe up with out actually looking at her]
Clark Kent: Chloe, how much wine did you have to drink at dinner?
Chloe Sullivan: Why? You wanna share another bottle?
[moves in very close to Clark forcing him to drop his towel]
Chloe Sullivan: Or we could just go for a moonlit walk in the woods.
Clark Kent: I don't think that Oliver would appreciate it.
Lois Lane: [Lois enters the bathroom dressed up like a scottish lass complete with kilt and is holding a bottle of bubble bath] Okay I just...
Clark Kent: [shocked at Lois' attire yet completely entagled with a naked Chloe] Lois?
Lois Lane: Oh, my God.
Clark Kent: I can explain this, sort of.
[tries to get free from Chloe but she won't let him go]
Clark Kent: Chloe?
Lois Lane: Shh. You do that. Try to explain it over breakfast maybe next century.
[looks her bubble bath]
Lois Lane: This, I won't be needing.
[hands it to Chloe and as their hands touch the Silver Banshee transfers to Lois and leaves the room]
Clark Kent: Lois?
Clark Kent: [Chloe faints and Clark catches her] Chloe. Chloe? Chloe?
Chloe Sullivan: [Chloe wakes up and realizes they are both naked] Clark? What are you doing?
Clark Kent: What are *you* doing?
Chloe Sullivan: Where are my clothes?
Clark Kent: I don't know.
Chloe Sullivan: What's going on?
[shoves the bubble bath into Clark's hands and runs out of the room]
Clark Kent: Chloe, what possessed you to come into the bathroom like that?
Chloe Sullivan: I don't remember. I just completely blanked out.
Clark Kent: You don't remember seeing?
[gestures towards his body]
Chloe Sullivan: No, God, I definitely don't remember seeing that. Wait a minute. Was I? Did you see?
[realizes Clark saw her naked]
Chloe Sullivan: Oh, God. This is our last couples vacation together.
Clark Kent: If I don't find Lois, this will be the last vacation I take with anyone.
Chloe Sullivan: Okay, so not that I haven't seen enough of Clark Kent's private life tonight...
Clark Kent: I don't like where this is going.
Chloe Sullivan: You took Lois on a romantic getaway to some sort of bed and breakfast. And while I doubt the breakfest part poses problems, correct me if I am wrong. I seem to recall you having some kind of concern about the beds, and non-powered people, and what would happen in the beds with the non-powered people if...
Clark Kent: Okay, stop.
Chloe Sullivan: Thank you.
Clark Kent: My training with Jor-El has helped me to manage my powers better.
[Chloe looks confused]
Clark Kent: Let's just say that I'm in control. Of everything.
Silver Banshee: I was denied vengeance, just as I was denied power. But now I shall have both.
Oliver Queen: I'm all about the girl power really, but, I got to be honest with you, I don't see you breaking through any glass ceilings with that hair.
Oliver Queen: You know what we could do - we could pretend not to see them.
Chloe Sullivan: Oh come on, Ollie, throw up the white flag - it's Lois. She makes Susan B. Anthony look like a quitter.
Tess Mercer: In every relationship, one person stands while the other one kneels. I will not be forced down again.
Zod: I wouldn't want you to be.
Silver Banshee: You know who I am.
Clark Kent: And I know your story. But killing men won't make up for what was done to you.
Silver Banshee: Maybe not. But it does make me feel better.
Zod: How did you weaken me in the barn?
Tess Mercer: You have your secrets and I have mine. Now we're even.
Zod: I've waited a long time to savor the power of my Kryptonian birthright, and I will do anything what it takes to protect it. You must know that.
Tess Mercer: In case if you hadn't noticed, Zod, there a few that can stop you.
Zod: Which is why the information you have is so valuable.
Tess Mercer: You talk like we're on different sides.
Zod: You tell me. We are partners, after all.
Tess Mercer: I doubt that you've only used yours powers for seduction.
Zod: They certainly come in useful, especially when it comes to keeping an ear and an eye out for my competition.
Tess Mercer: If you're referring to Clark, you may have met your match, but he's not your competition. *He's* one of *you*.
Zod: But he stands apart. Read your own newspaper, Tess. With the help of a certain lovely reporter, The Blur has becomes humanity's new Messiah. Now, I may be able to fly, but the world would willingly follow him on foot.
Tess Mercer: You're jealous.
Zod: I want to know what gives him that power. And I want to know what will take it away. But you'll never tell me.
Tess Mercer: Information is also power. But you understand that better than anyone.
Maggie McDougal: [after Lois accidentally scratches a painting] If you ask me, great-great-great-uncle Bevan had it coming.
Lois Lane: So, what did he do to deserve getting his face scratched off?
Maggie McDougal: Usurped his sister Siobhan's birthright, took her crown and castle, and then killed her.
Lois Lane: For a country that prides itself on men wearing skirts, you'd think they'd be a little more progressive than that.
Chloe Sullivan: Oliver and I are not a couple.
Lois Lane: Okay, sure. Then what are you?
Chloe Sullivan: We're having fun. And we're not complicating things by using labels and definitions.
Lois Lane: This is a relationship, Chloe, not a spelling bee.
Chloe Sullivan: Look, I'm glad that you have found someone that makes you happy, but we're not all cut out for coupledom. And with Ollie, I don't have to worry about that, okay? We're no flowers. We're no presents, no pressure, no strings.
[Lois opens her mouth]
Chloe Sullivan: And with you, we're no comment.
Chloe Sullivan: Okay, Clark, we have a carjacking over on Samson Street.
Clark Kent: On my way.
Chloe Sullivan: Bad day for that guy.
Lois Lane: I know it's called a bed and breakfast, but missing dinner is a definite bust. I'm starving. And I already ate the granola bar that's been at the bottom of my bag since... I don't know when.
Clark Kent: Lois, we wouldn't be late if we hadn't driven 40 miles out of our way to see the world's largest ball of yarn.
Lois Lane: You'll thank me later.
Lois Lane: Clark, I don't care how bad it is. I survived a tent in Guadalajara. I can handle a...
[seeing the room spruced up]
Lois Lane: ...soggy room.
Clark Kent: Turns out the leak wasn't as bad as she said it was. I fixed the pipe.
Lois Lane: Clark Kent, my hero.
Lois Lane: [surprised to see Chloe and Oliver at the same B&B] Twist.
Lois Lane: I know that I ran a verbal marathon last night and then I fell asleep, but... I promise, tonight is about the two of us.
Clark Kent: I waited for you to get ready for three hours. If it means being with you, I can wait forever.
Lois Lane: Forever's a long time.
Oliver Queen: [awkwardly making conversation] So... you, uh... save any orphans recently, old ladies, maybe, anything like that?
Clark Kent: I did stop a bank robbery.
Oliver Queen: Yeah. That's nice. That's fun stuff.
Lois Lane: [pushing Clark out of their room] Just give me ten minutes. Then you'll get a surprise.
Clark Kent: Something tells me you'll never stop surprising me, Lois.
[they kiss, then she closes the door in his face]
Lois Lane: Ten minutes.
Chloe Sullivan: Tell me you found something.
Maggie McDougal: How about Bevan's diary?
Chloe Sullivan: [opening it] I don't suppose you read Gaelic?
Maggie McDougal: I may not have believed all the ghost stories, but I'm still a McDougal.
Lois Lane: [returning to the Talon] Well, as incredible as that R&R attempt was, I think we should skip the old B&Bs for a while.
Clark Kent: Lois, for our first weekend away together, it could have been worse.
Lois Lane: I was possessed by a 300 year old Scottish banshee and I almost killed you, Clark.
Clark Kent: But we did get to see the world's largest ball of yarn. That made the whole trip worthwhile.
Lois Lane: All thanks to my stellar sense of direction. Let's face it, Clark, without me, you'd still be lost.
Zod: [calling on the encrypted phone Clark uses as the Blur] Hello, Lois.
Lois Lane: It's you. I was wondering, hoping, that you'd call again.
Zod: I need your help.
Lois Lane: Anything.
Zod: I need you to get information on Tess Mercer.
Lois Lane: Well, you've come to the right girl. Just give me the question. I'll find you an answer. No matter what it takes, I'll do it. I wanna help. I will get you the information you need.
Zod: But you can't tell anyone about it. Promise me you won't.
Lois Lane: [glancing at Clark] I promise.
Zod: I wouldn't ask, Lois, if it weren't a matter of life or death.
Oliver Queen: It's a spoon. I bought you a spoon, one of those little... people collect 'em. I-I thought about getting you, uh, some of those little decorative soaps. But ultimately, you-you didn't really need either one of 'em, did you?
Chloe Sullivan: I don't know about that. I mean, I'm more partial to sporks myself, but a girl can never have too many... spoons?
Oliver Queen: Yeah, well, I never should have wrapped up that Pandora's box to begin with and second-guessed myself, or us. From now, I won't.
Chloe Sullivan: Maybe we should just say that next time, you won't take advice about relationships from Clark Kent.
Lois Lane: [her phone buzzes while she and Clark kiss] Just let it go to voicemail.
Clark Kent: Yeah, well, um, why don't you answer it, Lois? What if it's important?
Lois Lane: Okay. A little privacy, please?
Clark Kent: Just pretend I'm not here.
Lois Lane: I can't do that.
Clark Kent: Well, I guess I'll just have to get used to sharing you with the world.
Oliver Queen: Speaking of Clark, for future reference and, you know, strictly for environmental purposes, the next time you wanna take a shower with someone, Chloe, you can just ask me.
Chloe Sullivan: I can't remember blacking out and I wish I could forget waking up.
Oliver Queen: Really? Well, it couldn't have been that bad, right? I mean, wasn't there a time when you would have given just about anything to stare at that farmer's tan in all its glory, I'm guessing?
Chloe Sullivan: That was a long time ago, like, in a Smallville far, far away. I mean, okay, yeah. I did love Clark, a lot. And I waited for years for him to see that, to see... me. But even with his x-ray vision, he never did. I think more than that, I just wanted someone who would get me. And as good a friend as Clark is, he's never gonna be that person. Which is fine. Really. I mean, those wounds healed over a thousand super-saves ago. Now there's just scars.
Oliver Queen: It's Clark's loss.
Chloe Sullivan: What about your loss? I'm sure that Lois didn't have to drag you into the woods kicking and screaming.
Oliver Queen: Uh... yeah, that's... the funny thing about scars, you know. They're always there. It doesn't mean they haven't healed. Sometimes they can be kind of cute, too, you know. You have one in particular that I'm partial...
Chloe Sullivan: [kissing to shut him up] Shh.
Maggie McDougal: The legend of Siobhan McDougal is just a ghost story. It's not real.
Clark Kent: You've got a confused co-ed in your living room and a dead body in your yard. Now, we need to hear the rest of Siobhan's story.
Maggie McDougal: You really think a centuries-old spirit has come back for revenge?
Chloe Sullivan: We've seen weirder things.
Maggie McDougal: After Siobhan was killed, her soul was sent to the underworld, where she was given great powers.
Chloe Sullivan: What kinds of powers?
Maggie McDougal: Uncommon strength, and... the ability to slay any man that hears her wail. Superstitious villagers also gave her a new name: Silver Banshee.
Chloe Sullivan: Okay, the last time I checked, the underworld was still underground. So how is it that this wailing wonder has gotten topside?
Maggie McDougal: Legend tells of a portal through which her spirit could return to this world. It was said to be a relic created in Siobhan's own image. But after several deaths in the village, Bevan feared that he would soon be Silver Banshee's next victim. So he conducted an ancient Scottish ritual and covered the relic in Siobhan's spilled blood, sealing the portal shut.
Clark Kent: A relic in her image? Like a statue or an engraving?
Chloe Sullivan: Or a painting.
Clark Kent: [x-raying the painting] There's another portrait painted under this one. Bevan didn't just use blood to paint over his sister's image. He used it to paint his own portrait over hers.
Chloe Sullivan: And then Lois must have accidentally opened the portal when she scraped it.
Clark Kent: Chloe, you need to figure out how to close that portal. I'll find out who Siobhan inhabited next.
Chloe Sullivan: This is the lantern I brought from the inn. I must have dropped it here.
Clark Kent: [spotting the body on the ground] Unless something made you drop it.
Chloe Sullivan: Oh, god. This is so not the weekend I had in mind.
Clark Kent: You were out here, Chloe. Do you think you could have...
Chloe Sullivan: Gone Norman Bates?
Chloe Sullivan: Wait a minute. I wasn't the only one out here. There was a-a face, like a phantom.
Clark Kent: What did it look like?
Chloe Sullivan: Black, white, and weird all over. And since this is where my memory hits a roadblock, I'm guessing that spirit started driving this dune buggy. I must have been possessed.
Clark Kent: Well, you obviously aren't now. But if that spirit is responsible for this murder, we need to find it before it kills again.
Oliver Queen: Who told Chloe to go walk in the woods, anyway? Was it Hansel and Gretel, do you suppose?
Silver Banshee: It's not much farther.
Oliver Queen: Well, I hope she left a trail of breadcrumbs, 'cause if she didn't, we might never find our way out of here.
Silver Banshee: Oh, I'll be leaving these woods.
[pushing him up against a tree]
Silver Banshee: But you won't.
Oliver Queen: Well, Lois... you got any bagpipes to go with that outfit there, lassie? That means you guys are having a little fun. It's cute. Uh, listen, I-I'm looking for Chloe. She took a walk a while ago, she hasn't returned, and I'm getting a little worried about her.
Silver Banshee: I was just with her, actually.
Oliver Queen: You were? Okay.
Oliver Queen: Oh, right. Yeah, okay. So, just lay it on me.
Silver Banshee: Why don't I take you to see Chloe instead? You will never win a woman's heart by waiting for her to come to you.
Chloe Sullivan: So much for a relaxing walk to calm my nerves.
[turning and tripping over something, she sees a decomposed hand; moving a log out of the way, she sees the decomposed face]
Chloe Sullivan: [gasping in horror] Definitely not calm.
[turning and running into Silver Banshee]
Chloe Sullivan: Ahh!
[as she tries to flee, Banshee grabs her arm, and Chloe absorbs her powers]
Silver Banshee: Unexpected. But useful.
Chloe Sullivan: [seeing a wrapped gift on the bed] Unless Christmas came early this year, that better not have my name on it.
Oliver Queen: Oh, well, maybe you've just been especially good this year. Maybe... a guy shouldn't take someone like you for granted.
Chloe Sullivan: I didn't think you were, Ollie. Clark said something, didn't he?
Oliver Queen: It's just a gift.
Chloe Sullivan: No, no, no, it's a slippery slope. "Just because" gifts are never just because. There's always some unspoken part, like "I'm sorry" or "I-I feel very strongly about you", both of which are complicated. Oliver, I wanted to keep things simple. You know, with, like, no strings or ribbons.
Oliver Queen: [she picks up her coat] Wait, wait, hold... wait, where are you going?
Chloe Sullivan: I'm going for a walk. When I come back, can we just hit the reset button and play our favorite indoor game again?
Zod: Your choice of meeting place is revealing. Even when he's gone, Clark rules your mind.
Tess Mercer: And yours. And since we have no common ground, I thought it only fitting that we meet in the home of the one person that unites us. Whether you want to admit it or not, Major, we all want the same thing. A better world.
Zod: You crave a man that's your equal. But everyone you've ever let in has betrayed you. And will never trust you.
Tess Mercer: Well, sometimes trust comes at too high a price.
Zod: Obsession can cost you more. Come with me. We'll go to Cyprus, rule the world. Drink wine, swim in the sea.
Tess Mercer: You sound like a man without a care in the world. Not your usual goal-oriented self.
Zod: Oh, I still have goals.
Tess Mercer: [reaching under his shirt to feel his recent gunshot wound] But do you still have secrets?
Zod: Not from you.
Tess Mercer: I don't remember you telling me that you discovered your powers.
Zod: How did you find out?
Tess Mercer: You're a soldier dedicated to his cause. There's no way you'd run off to Cyprus unless your war was won.
Zod: Your instincts are remarkable.
Tess Mercer: So is your ability to heal. You were shot a few weeks ago, but I just checked and there's no wound. My little experiment proves that my instincts were right.
Zod: And if you were wrong, your experiment would have killed me.
Tess Mercer: Some risks are worth taking.
Zod: And some aren't.
[grabbing her by the hair and effortlessly picking her up]
Zod: You know my secret. I can't afford to let you share it. What would you do if our positions were reversed?
Maggie McDougal: According to legend, Siobhan felt so robbed of her life on earth, she wanted to return from the underworld and live again. She was granted her wish, at a price. Since she was betrayed by a man, she was cursed to kill men. Any that crossed her path.
Lois Lane: Oh, murder, misogyny, and mayhem. I can see why you left that out of the brochure.
Maggie McDougal: How about a cup of tea while you wait for your boyfriend?
Lois Lane: [glancing at a couple nearby necking] How about... we just take Mr. and Mrs. PDA's room, because, you know, they obviously don't need it?
Maggie McDougal: [nervously] Um...
Lois Lane: Just kidding.
Maggie McDougal: Oh.
Lois Lane: I'll go check on Clark. He is used to baling hay, but I'm sure he's just bailing buckets to stay afloat.
Maggie McDougal: Yes, can I help you?
Lois Lane: Hey.
Clark Kent: Sorry about that. Uh, we're late. The reservation's under Kent.
Maggie McDougal: Oh, I apologize, but thanks to the storm, the room you reserved sprang a leak. I tried to call, but the line wouldn't connect. Cell reception is horrible around here.
Clark Kent: [Lois subtly hits him] Well, that's f-fine. We'll, um, take any room that you have available.
Maggie McDougal: Uh, there... isn't one. Before I realized the pipe had burst, I gave the last room away.
Lois Lane: Okay, well, um...
[checking the sign-in log]
Lois Lane: ...let's, uh, hope that, uh, Mr. and Mrs. Green didn't quite finish unpacking, because the only inn they're gonna be staying at is called Holiday.
Lois Lane: Ah, perfect timing. Articles are in, phone calls have been returned, and I am officially ready for our magical mystery weekend.
Clark Kent: That's great, so let's escape before Randall sends you on an assignment. Where's your bag?
Lois Lane: Well, since you insisted on being a man of secrets, I had to cover all my bases.
[showing him three different suitcases]
Lois Lane: There's a snow angel, surfer girl, city chic.
Clark Kent: How about countryside bed and breakfast?
Lois Lane: Good choice. But since I'm assuming you don't mean the French countryside...
Clark Kent: No. It's kind of Scottish. Some place called the McDougal Inn.
Chloe Sullivan: Okay, cowboy, looks like we're all clear on the Western front, for now.
Clark Kent: Then I'm handing over the reins to John Jones. He's gonna patrol while I'm out on the town with Lois.
Chloe Sullivan: Don't worry, I think Metropolis can handle one weekend without the Blur. Now, the real question is can the Blur handle two nights with Lois?
Clark Kent: I think I'm up to the challenge. But I'll have my cell, so if anything comes up...
Chloe Sullivan: Clark, it's one weekend. Enjoy it.
Clark Kent: I heard Bart's in town. You two should hang out.
Chloe Sullivan: Thank you for the not-so-subtle contribution to the Chloe Sullivan charity case, but Lois already made a kind donation in your name. I'm hanging up now.