Will Schuester: When you answer the phone, what do you say?
Mercedes Jones: What up?
Artie Abrams: Who this be?
Kurt Hummel: No, she's dead. This is her son.
Brittany: [to Santana] Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?
Brittany: You're a really good dancer.
Finn Hudson: Um, thanks, but my feet weren't really moving.
Brittany: That was the best part.
Sue Sylvester: [to Santana and Brittany] Ladies, I misjudged you. You may be the two stupidest teens I've ever encountered. And that's saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.
Finn Hudson: Coach Tanaka pulled a Jessica Simpson: he lost his fiancee, gained 40 pounds and stopped showering.
Sue Sylvester: Bringing down this club may be easier than I thought. I am engorged with venom and triumph.
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I'm not breaking up with you, I'm just saying please stop supersizing 'cause I don't dig on fat chicks.
Quinn Fabray: I'm pregnant!
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: And that's my fault?
Will Schuester: Let's bury the hatchet, Sue.
Sue Sylvester: No. I won't be burying any hatchet. Unless I get a clear shot to your groin!
Will Schuester: Okay, look, Sue. If you're back, let's bury the hatchet.
Sue Sylvester: I won't be burying any hatchets, William, unless I happen to get a clear shot to your groin. You humiliated me.
Will Schuester: You did this to yourself, Sue. All I did was enjoy watching it happen.
Sue Sylvester: Yeah, well, enjoy this, William. Now that I am back and my position is secured, I will not stop until you are fired and your little Glee Club is annihilated into oblivion.
Will Schuester: Bring it.
Sue Sylvester: Oh, I will bring it, William. You know what else I'm gonna bring? I'm gonna bring some Asian cookery to rub your head with. 'Cause right now, you got enough product in your hair to season a wok.
Sue Sylvester: [to Will] Oh, hey William... I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.
[the Principal wakes up in bed after Sue spikes his drink]
Sue Sylvester: So here's what's gonna happen. As of right now, I am reinstated. Or I will tell your wife and the entire congregation of the Cornerstone Bible Way Church of our sexual congress. It's your choice.
Rachel Berry: [after Finn is finished singing "Hello, I Love You" in front of the rest of the group] And that, fellow Glee clubbers, is how we say 'hello'.
Finn Hudson: I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel like I have all these problems, you know, with Quinn and... and basketball and girls and stuff, and I've been so overwhelmed trying to figure them all out. Then I realized the only thing I needed to fix was us. I... I want us to be together, Rachel. A real couple. Look, I even circled some dates on your crazy calendar.
Finn Hudson: Is you not being able to talk right now a good thing or a bad thing?
Rachel Berry: I can't.
Finn Hudson: Can't what?
Rachel Berry: I... I can't be a couple with you. It's the team. We... we can't have any, um, drama right now. You know, we need... we need to focus on regionals. And I appreciate your offer, but in the spirit of being a team player, I have to decline.
Finn Hudson: [she turns to leave] Hey, whoa. I'm just not some guy that you met at the music store that you can just blow off. I don't give up that easy.
Will Schuester: I get home last night, and it was like some ghost had laid out this beautiful, romantic meal for me. A ghost who wears your perfume.
Emma Pillsbury: I was just in the library.
[handing him an old Thunderclap]
Emma Pillsbury: Page 42.
Will Schuester: Okay.
[opening the book, he sees a picture from his junior prom]
Will Schuester: Oh, my... my junior prom.
[realization dawns on him]
Emma Pillsbury: I wanted to surprise you on Wednesday. Terri came by, and, um, told me about the prom... about the song.
Will Schuester: Emma, I... I have no feelings about this night anymore. I... I didn't even remember the song.
Emma Pillsbury: No, I know. I know, not consciously. But somewhere inside, you're still not over her.
Emma Pillsbury: We were naïve. I think sometimes we spend so much time with these kids that we start acting like them. You've been in the same relationship your entire life. You don't know who you are alone. I think this song is just the beginning of you repeating the same patterns.
Will Schuester: Terri and I met when I was fifteen. I'm a different person now.
Emma Pillsbury: How is you compromising yourself for my crazy any different than you doing it for hers?
Will Schuester: [thinking for a moment and letting it sink it] Well... what do you want to do?
Emma Pillsbury: I think that... you need to spend some time alone. I do. I think you need to get to know yourself. You know, you haven't been okay with having your own needs since you were fifteen.
Will Schuester: You're right. I guess... I'm just not good at being alone, and realizing what my own needs are.
Emma Pillsbury: Well, maybe around the time that you figure out what they are, maybe I'll be ready to get a little messy. Can you go now? I think I need to close the door and cry.
Jesse St. James: Most spots are 2,500 watts. This one is ten times brighter. We have to wear sunscreen onstage, but it's worth it.
Rachel Berry: I guess everything is bigger and brighter here.
Rachel Berry: Hey, guys.
Kurt Hummel: Cut the butter, Benedict Arnold. We heard about your new boyfriend.
Mercedes Jones: Look, Rachel, we're all happy that you're happy, but we've worked too hard in Glee Club to let you throw it all away on a relationship that might not even be real.
Rachel Berry: Why, 'cause he's in Vocal Adrenaline?
Kurt Hummel: Their motto is "Aut neca aut necatus eris." Which loosely translates to "murder or be murdered."
Tina Cohen-Chang: They give their dancers human growth hormone.
Mercedes Jones: Look, we're not saying the dude is playing you.
Kurt Hummel: He's playing you.
Mercedes Jones: We just think that until regionals are over, we can't risk the possibility that he is.
Tina Cohen-Chang: None of us want to go through what happened at sectionals again.
Rachel Berry: Okay, look, Jesse and I might not be true love, but what if we are? I know who I am. And how many chances at this am I going to get?
Kurt Hummel: If you don't break up with him, you're out.
Rachel Berry: You can't kick me out!
Artie Abrams: But we can all quit if Mr. Schue doesn't.
Rachel Berry: Well, good luck winning without me.
Kurt Hummel: Everyone is replaceable. Even you.
Rachel Berry: How could you do this to me?
Mercedes Jones: How could you do this to us? We're a team, and all you've ever wanted was for us to be great, and be a part of something special. Now is that still true or not?
Terri Schuester: Beautiful table. Meticulous, really. I guess being crazy has its benefits.
Emma Pillsbury: It's date night. Actually, it was tomorrow, but Will wanted tonight, so I'm surprising him. And I know he keeps a key under the mat.
Terri Schuester: You're really loving this, aren't you?
Emma Pillsbury: I take no pleasure in your pain, Terri. But I am enjoying seeing Will get a second chance at happiness, yes.
Terri Schuester: Oh, and you're the one to introduce him to this magical new world of bliss? What, you with your three times a day showers and the fact that you can't sleep unless your shoes are all in a row?
Emma Pillsbury: Is there a reason that you're here? 'Cause I'd kind of like you to be gone when Will gets home.
Terri Schuester: I just needed to pick up the rest of my Bruckheimer DVDs.
[leaving and returning with "The Jazz Singer"]
Terri Schuester: Whose is this?
Emma Pillsbury: That's mine. I got really tired of watching "Con Air" every night. And Will picked "Hello" as our song.
Terri Schuester: Oh, you poor girl. Don't bother sleeping with my husband tonight. You're already screwed. "Hello" was our prom song. I mean, I doubt Will remembers. He goes to the market for milk, comes home with a pack of gum.
Emma Pillsbury: You're lying.
Terri Schuester: Ask him. Or better yet, go to the library and look it up for yourself in that year's Thunderclap.
Shelby Corcoran: [watching Vocal Adrenaline rehearse] Stop, please. Dear god, just stop. Seriously, guys, it's like watching beige paint dry. Could everyone please look at Jesse? Jesse, give us a show face.
[Jesse gives a strained smile]
Shelby Corcoran: That's a show face, guys. You want to look so talented, it's literally hurting you. I want a look that's so optimistic, it could cure cancer.
Emma Pillsbury: [making out with Will, she suddenly stops] Too much too fast. Too much too fast.
Will Schuester: No, you smell great, your teeth are clean...
Emma Pillsbury: You're very sweet. It's not that. I'm... I just haven't been, uh... intimate in a very, very long time.
Will Schuester: How long?
Emma Pillsbury: Ever. I just haven't found the right person. You know, someone who won't reject me when things get really hard with my, um... with my problems.
Will Schuester: It... it's cool.
Emma Pillsbury: It's not. It's not cool. I can tell.
Will Schuester: No. No, no. Emma, I understand. I'll pop in a movie.
Emma Pillsbury: Do we have to watch "Armageddon" again?
Will Schuester: Uh, it's that or "Bad Boys". They're the only DVDs that Terri left behind. She liked to have Bruckheimer night every other week.
Santana Lopez: All right, hottest guys in the school. Go.
Brittany: Okay. Um, Puck's super-fine. Finn's cute, too.
Santana Lopez: Yeah, but he's not hot, though.
Brittany: He really isn't.
Santana Lopez: And you know what, Brit? I think that dwarf girlfriend of his is dragging down his rep. I mean, if he were dating, say, popular, pretty girls like us, he would go from dumpy to smokin'.
Finn Hudson: Hello? Hey, I'm right here. Would you guys mind, like, including me in your conversations?
Santana Lopez: I'll just give you an introduction into the way that we work. You buy us dinner and we make out in front of you. It's, like, the best deal ever.
Brittany: Did you see what Rachel was wearing today?
Santana Lopez: I know. She looked like Pippi Longstocking, but, like, Israeli.
Brittany: Those sweaters make her look homeschooled.
Finn Hudson: [Santana laughs] Hey, guys, come on. Don't make fun of Rachel. She's... she's kind of cool.
Brittany: Finn, that's mean.
Santana Lopez: You know what, actually? Would you mind waiting in the car? And leave your credit card.
Jesse St. James: Lionel Richie, huh? One of my favorites.
Rachel Berry: Oh, my god, you're Jesse St. James. You're in Vocal Adrenaline.
Jesse St. James: And you're Rachel Berry. I saw you perform at sectionals. Your rendition of "Don't Rain on My Parade" was flawed. You totally lacked Barbara's emotional depth. But you're talented.
Will Schuester: [after the kids sing "Gives You Hell"] I don't want to be a buzzkill, but the assignment was "hello".
Rachel Berry: [pointedly to Finn] I'm sorry. I was just focusing on the first syllable.
Will Schuester: I don't think you guys understand the seriousness of what we're up against. While we were busy winning our sectional, Vocal Adrenaline was busy winning theirs. They're last year's national champions. They haven't lost a competition in three years. This is the big leagues, guys. If we don't place at regionals, Glee Club is over.
Rachel Berry: I know being my boyfriend is a challenge. I'm not Quinn. I don't look like her. I'm not popular, and my personality, though exciting and full of surprises, isn't exactly low-maintenance, but... I'll always be honest with you. Painfully so. And all I ask in return is that you're just honest with me.
Finn Hudson: I don't think I want to be your boyfriend.
Rachel Berry: What?
Finn Hudson: Look, Rachel, you're really awesome, but I think I need to connect with my inner rock star before I can fully commit to one woman. I need to find out who I am now.
Rachel Berry: I'll tell you who you are. You're a scared little boy. You're afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation; though, which you'd never admit it, is very important to you. You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt, but because it was so humiliating.
Finn Hudson: You're freaking me out. It's like you're inside my head right now.
Rachel Berry: I just see you for who you are. Unlike you, who can only see me as this silly girl who made a fool out of herself in her first glee club rehearsal. And that's where you lose, Finn. Because if you take a second look at me, you'd realize that I'm the only person in your life who knows you and accepts you for who you are, no matter what.
Santana Lopez: Brit and I were wondering if you wanted to go out.
Finn Hudson: On a... date? With which one of you?
Mercedes Jones: Hey, babe. Looking good.
Rachel Berry: Feelin' good, Mercedes.
Mercedes Jones: This is amazing. Ever since Glee Club won sectionals, everybody looks at us differently.
Jacob Ben Israel: I want to be with you, Rachel.
Kurt Hummel: We're glitterati. I feel like Lady Gaga.
Rachel Berry: Get used to it, guys. We're stars now. On par with all the jocks and popular kids. Oh, it's the dawn of a new era here at McKinley, and we are gonna rule this school!
[they all get slushies thrown in their faces]
Dave Karofsky: [laughing] Welcome to Loser Town.
Azimio: Population: you!