Little Louie: What are you so excited about?
Tommy Anderson: Are you kidding? I'm gonna have my own personal servant. That baby's gonna do everything I say.
Little Louie: Why would he do that?
Tommy Anderson: Because I'll be older than him, duh.
Little Louie: Oh really? Quit jumping on the bed!
Tommy Anderson: You can't tell me what to do.
Little Louie: I rest my case.
Jeannie Harper: [telling Louie where babies come from] ... eats alot and then her tummy grows real big, and then, nine months later, the baby is born.
Little Louie: No way. Mom and Dad would never do THAT.
Little Louie: The French are being attacked by giant storks, so 400,000 troops storm the beaches of Normandy, in their amphibious loaders. They fight their way up to the cabbage patch through heavy artillery until finally only one remains standing.
Andy Anderson: [looking through a book of baby names] How about we call him General? What do you think? Brilliant, right? General Anderson.
Ora Anderson (Mom): And what if it's a girl?
Andy Anderson: We'll call her Sister. Sister Anderson. That way we keep the Grunewald kid away from her, and I can sleep easier at night.
Andy Anderson: I've got eleven kids.
Principal Halloran: And do they all think they came from an exploding minefield in France?
Andy Anderson: [Louie is roleplaying as Andy's boss to help him practice about asking his real boss for a raise] Well, uh... um... I want a raise. What do ya say?
Little Louie: No.
Andy Anderson: No? That's it? Just plain no? Go to your room.
Little Louie: You're fired.
Andy Anderson: What? Who do you think you are?
Ora Anderson (Mom): Louie, Andy, now calm down.
Andy Anderson: Calm down? Louie just fired me!
Tommy Anderson: [Louie and Tommy have been given eggs to take care of as practice for when the new baby arrives] Hey, Mom, I learned how to burp my egg.
Little Louie: Yeah, well I taught my egg how to burp himself.
Tommy Anderson: I've been practicing putting diapers on my egg.
Little Louie: So? My egg's already potty trained. He's a genius egg. I taught him how to walk this morning.
Andy Anderson: Eggs, eggs, eggs! Enough with the eggs already. If I'd wanted a family of eggs, I'd have married a chicken!
Ora Anderson (Mom): Thanks for calling, Dr. Martin.
[hangs up phone]
Andy Anderson: Dr. Martin? What's wrong?
Ora Anderson (Mom): Nothing's wrong, dear. Er, it seems I have a little bun in the oven.
Andy Anderson: [runs to the oven] Well, get it out. It must be burnt to a crisp by now.
Ora Anderson (Mom): No, Andy, it's not that. I'm... expecting.
Andy Anderson: Oh, you too? Well, I'm tapped out.
[shows her his empty wallet]
Andy Anderson: Dried up, running on empty, the S.S. Andy hit an iceberg and it is going DOWN.
Ora Anderson (Mom): No, Andy. I'm expecting a *bundle*.
Andy Anderson: [still not getting it] A bundle of what?
Ora Anderson (Mom): [loses her patience] Joy, Andy! I'm expecting a bundle of *joy*!
Laura: You having a baby, Mom?