Dennis Pennis : [to Arnold Schwarzenegger] Arnold, you're one of Hollywood's biggest names, man! Seventeen letters!
Dennis Pennis : [referring to a British brand of cleaning product] Mr. Sheen, you are the most polished performer I know. I mean you've had a lot of smudging and smearing but you think you've wiped the slate clean? I mean, are you gonna shine through? You're a shining example, Mr. Sheen?
Charlie Sheen : [oblivious to Dennis' joke] I would like to believe so and I thank you for your optimism, thank you.
Dennis Pennis : My pleasure, I never use anything else.
Charlie Sheen : Your optimism matches only mine.
Dennis Pennis : Uh-huh! I'll work that out when I get home.
Dennis Pennis : A Fish Called Wanda, you were privilidged to see John Cleese in the nude. Was that a privilege? I mean, was he quite 'Pythonesque'?
Jamie Lee Curtis : To see any man nude is a privilege.
Dennis Pennis : Was he Python-esque or did he have a Fawlty Tower?
[she walks on, smiling and shaking her head]
Dennis Pennis : What was the other one I was gonna ask you?
Drew Barrymore : The wild child. So you like the wild child?
Courtney Love : [interrupting] Who's a wilder child, excuse me? I guess I'm not a child anymore.
Dennis Pennis : Oh, sure you are. Just an old, grown-up, sort of...
Drew Barrymore : She's a mature child!
Courtney Love : What, do you think I'm like, 35 or something?
Dennis Pennis : At least!
[Courtney gives Dennis a slap in the face]
Dennis Pennis : Ooh! What a slapper!
Dennis Pennis : Are there any circumstances in which you'd appear naked in a film? Would you strip off?
Michael Douglas : No, I have, uh... When I turned 50 I decided no more dropping trou'.
Dennis Pennis : But even if you made a film about American football? Presumably we'd get to see your tackle then?
Michael Douglas : Sorry?
Dennis Pennis : Your tackle. Would we get to see your tackle in a film about American football?
Michael Douglas : Would I get to see you tackle?
Dennis Pennis : You tackle, your tackle.
Michael Douglas : My tackle? I don't get it. What is that, an English expression? My tackle?
Dennis Pennis : It might be, I don't speak English. Well, I do actually, obviously. Well, what I also... Are there any similarities between sex and your bank account?
Michael Douglas : Is this a joke? No, not that I know of.
Dennis Pennis : Well, when you withdraw, do you lose interest?
Michael Douglas : [laughs] I see, very good.
[starts to move on]
Michael Douglas : Hope you enjoy this one. Take care!
Dennis Pennis : You too, baby.
Dennis Pennis : Charlie, can you just tell me, when you did Platoon, did you met a lot of Vietnam vets?
Charlie Sheen : I did afterwards, sure.
Dennis Pennis : That's gotta be the toughest job to be a Vietnam vet. Because you gotta care for animals in a war zone.
Charlie Sheen : [leaning closer] What?
Dennis Pennis : You gotta care for animals in a war zone.
Charlie Sheen : I don't know how to take that.
Dennis Pennis : On the chin.