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"The Big Bang Theory" The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization (TV Episode 2008) Poster

Quotes

Penny: What is this?

Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, that is the bottled city of Kandor.

Penny: Uh-huh.

Leonard Hofstadter: You see, Kandor was the capital city of Krypton, until it was shrunk by Braniac before Krypton was destroyed. It was then rescued by Superman.

Penny: Oh. It's nice.

Leonard Hofstadter: It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it.

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Leonard Hofstadter: We have to do this.

Sheldon Cooper: No, we have to take in nourishment, expel waste and breathe in enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is purely optional.

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Penny: So you and Leonard, huh? A little misunderstanding?

Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...

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[after Leonard and Sheldon's brawl]

Howard Wolowitz: You won't believe it.

Raj Koothrappali: Someone got the whole thing on their cell phone and put it on YouTube.

Leonard Hofstadter: What?

Sheldon Cooper: Well, who would do that?

Howard Wolowitz: That would be me.

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Leonard Hofstadter: What is this letter doing in the trash?

Sheldon Cooper: Well, it may be that a trashcan spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor suggests that someone threw it away.

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Leonard Hofstadter: You can not blow up my head with your mind.

Sheldon Cooper: Then I'll settle for an aneurysm.

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Penny: [picking out clothes from Leonard's closet] Okay. Well, let's just see what else you have. Okay, here, take this, and this, and this, and these...

Leonard Hofstadter: Is this all stuff you want me to try on?

Penny: No, this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity; you won't be helping anyone.

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Sheldon Cooper: Was the apple falling on Newton's head, was that just an anecdote?

Leonard Hofstadter: You are not Isaac Newton.

Sheldon Cooper: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

Leonard Hofstadter: You cannot possibly be that arrogant.

Sheldon Cooper: You continue to underestimate me, my good man.

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Sheldon Cooper: You know, in the future, when we're disembodied brains in jars, we're going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted.

Raj Koothrappali: I don't want to be in a jar. I want my brain in an android body... eight feet tall and ripped.

Howard Wolowitz: I'm with you. I just have to make sure if I'm a synthetic human, I'd still be Jewish. I promised my mother.

Raj Koothrappali: I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised... but that's something your rabbi will have to discuss with the manufacturer.

Sheldon Cooper: Not to mention, you'd have to power down on Saturdays.

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Leonard Hofstadter: Hang on. Hang on. Do you not realize what we just did?

Penny: Yeah, you turned your stereo down with your laptop.

Leonard Hofstadter: Ah, no, we turned out stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the internet.

Penny: Ohhhh. You know, you can just get one of those universal remotes from Radio Shack. They're really cheap.

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Penny: [as Sheldon and Leonard fight] Is this usually how these physics things go?

Howard Wolowitz: More often than you'd think.

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Howard Wolowitz: I just checked the house, there must be twenty, twenty-five people in there.

Leonard Hofstadter: Wow.

Penny: Is that good?

Leonard Hofstadter: In physics, twenty-five is Woodstock.

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Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned "me and my girlfriend"?

Howard Wolowitz: Uh-oh, here comes "the talk".

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Howard Wolowitz: Howard: Gentlemen, I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP, racing down fibre-optic cable at the speed of light to San Francisco, bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova-Scotia, and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the X10 receiver attached to this

[clicks mouse, lamp switches on]

Howard Wolowitz: lamp.

[the others cheer and clap]

Howard Wolowitz: .

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Penny: [At their mailboxes] . Get anything good?

Sheldon Cooper: Uh, just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.

Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.

[Sheldon looks confused]

Penny: It was a joke.

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Leonard Hofstadter: You know what? I am tired of your condescension. Maybe I didn't go to college when I was eleven, like you. Maybe I got my doctorate when I was twenty-four instead of sixteen. But you are not the only person who is smarter than everybody else in this room!

[Sheldon nods pointedly at the audience]

Leonard Hofstadter: No offense. And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation.

Sheldon Cooper: So you admit you're an egotist?

Leonard Hofstadter: Yes!

[turning to the audience]

Leonard Hofstadter: My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and I could never please my parents, so I need to get all of my self-esteem from strangers like you. But *he's worse*!

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Sheldon Cooper: I'm the lead author.

Leonard Hofstadter: Come on, the only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.

Sheldon Cooper: I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation with dealing with the fact that it was my idea. Now to put too fine a point to it, but I was throwing you a bone. You're welcome.

Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.

Sheldon Cooper: That doesn't mean proving.

Leonard Hofstadter: So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?

Sheldon Cooper: They're not supposed to, but they should.

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Leonard Hofstadter: See?

Penny: No.

Sheldon Cooper: Someone in Sichuan province, China, is using his computer to turn our lights on and off.

Penny: Oh, that's handy. Here's a question... Why?

Boys together: Because we can.

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