[Natty's been talking on the phone to her imprisoned boyfriend]
Sissy Emerson: So how are things going at old Rancho Minimum Security?
Natalie Hollingsworth: You know, Emerson, I can do without the sarcasm.
Sissy Emerson: Sorry, Natty, I'm just trying to cheer you up. I guess just being in love with your ex-boss-Congressman who's also married and serving time in prison on fraud and bribery charges might be making you, oh I don't know - a little bit blue. But then if you're happy, I'm happy.
Natalie Hollingsworth: Emerson, I'm curious about what you've been doing in the bathroom for 45 minutes every morning this past week. I mean, is there some reason you are unable to perform your toiletries at home?
Sissy Emerson: You know, I never really thought of it as "performing my toiletries!" But actually, if you are referring to brushing my teeth, yes, sometimes when I'm running late I do it here.
Natalie Hollingsworth: Please, you have been in there long enough to have a baby!
Sissy Emerson: Oh, right. You caught me. I was in there having Newt Gingrich's love child.
Sissy Emerson: I haven't even had a date since 1956. If it wasn't for the occasional crowded elevator, I wouldn't have any sex life at all!
Suzanne Sugarbaker: She even made that cute little rodeo shirt for my dog, Randy. He loves it too, wears it all the time!
Sissy Emerson: Did it ever occur to you that it might be because he can't undo the buttons?
Suzanne Sugarbaker: I tried my best to be charming. They asked me about the crime bill and I gave what I thought was a real cute answer.
Natalie Hollingsworth: Why are my palms beginning to sweat?
Suzanne Sugarbaker: I just explained that I'm all for that three strikes thing, but I think we should be just as hard on the women as we are on the men - especially all those Lorena Bobbitt imitators. I mean, I'm sorry but fair is fair. I say, two balls and you're out!
Sissy Emerson: And this was not well-received?
Jennifer Malone: I'm worried about Sissy. She hasn't come in yet, and she came by my house last night and she just stayed and stayed, and if my son hadn't shot her in the butt with an air-rifle, I believe she would have spent the night.
Jennifer Malone: Also an Ann Gilroy called, she said she'll be in town next week and plans to stop by.
Sissy Emerson: No, not now! How did she find me here?
Jennifer Malone: Who is she?
Sissy Emerson: Oh, she's this woman that told everyone at The Post that I was drinking even before I was drinking. I just hate people who can predict a shortcoming.
Sissy Emerson: Probably the only reason she's stopping by here is because she smells that things aren't going well for me. She's got a nose like a pig hunting truffles.