Kelly Bundy : Dad, you cannot be serious! A mousetrap in MY room?
Bud Bundy : The guys under the bed object, Kel?
Kelly Bundy : Dad, it's a humiliation! What will my friends think when they see mousetraps everywhere?
Al : Well, they'll think that unlike Mr. Bundy, the mouse gets to eat before he dies.
Kelly Bundy : Mom, how long are we gonna have to live with this mouse?
Peggy : Well, your father's taking care of it.
Kelly Bundy : Oh great, might as well build him a room!
Peggy : Is he down there? Did you get him? What happened, Al?
Al : He doodied on the trap... and in my bowling shoes.
Peggy : Oh, my god. He was in your shoes and he lives? This is no ordinary mouse.
Kelly Bundy : Can we call the exterminator now?
Al : No, no, it's personal now. Not only will I kill this mouse, I'll torture it. I'll smack him around. I'll throw it against the wall. And if there's one spark of life left in its twitching little body, I'll strap it to a chair, tape its eyelids open and make it watch thirtysomething. No one doodies in Al Bundy's shoes and lives!
Al : I went downstairs, and I only pretended to take up all the traps. But I left one, a big one with a nice juicy piece of cheese. And this one won't go off with just a little pressure, giving him time to escape - no, this one takes the entire body of the mouse to set it off. I checked it myself.
[holds up his bandaged left thumb and laughs heartily]
Peggy : You know, that's what really sets you apart, Al. An average Joe would have used a stick.
Peggy : Why are you so afraid of a little mouse, anyway?
Peggy : Well, it all started when I was five. You see, I found this little stray Chihuahua puppy in the yard. I snuck it past my mother, and I kept it in my room. I slept with it and snuggled it and kissed it and then one day it got sick.
Al : Hmm, and still you go on kissing others.
Peggy : Anyway, I took it to my kindergarten teacher and I said, "What's wrong with my dog?" She said, "That's not a dog, dear. It's a mouse." And then she threw up... and then all the kids threw up. And then, they made up this little song about me: "Mouse in your face, worms in your hair. Where's the little mouse girl? There, there, there."
[Al, Bud and Kelly laugh heartily]
Peggy : Well, that's sweet. Thank you very much.
Al : Well, kids, I think we learned something today. Don't touch your mother, she's got cooties.