Kelly Bundy : Dad, you cannot be serious! A mousetrap in MY room?
Bud Bundy : The guys under the bed object, Kel?
Kelly Bundy : Dad, it's a humiliation! What will my friends think when they see mousetraps everywhere?
Al : Well, they'll think that unlike Mr. Bundy, the mouse gets to eat before he dies.
Kelly Bundy : Mom, how long are we gonna have to live with this mouse?
Peggy : Well, your father's taking care of it.
Kelly Bundy : Oh great, might as well build him a room!
Bud Bundy : Did you hear any noises last night, Kel?
[Kelly shakes her head for "no"]
Bud Bundy : I mean, for a while I thought they were coming from your room, but they weren't the usual noises. You know, the whispers, "Quiet. You'll wake up my parents." Then the muffled sound of eight footsteps heading for the window. Then the sound of loose change hitting the pillow.
Kelly Bundy : You know, Bud, with your good looks I think that you should be a model. I mean, I could see it now, your face on a poster with the caption: "My daddy didn't use a condom."
Peggy : Is he down there? Did you get him? What happened, Al?
Al : He doodied on the trap... and in my bowling shoes.
Peggy : Oh, my god. He was in your shoes and he lives? This is no ordinary mouse.
Kelly Bundy : Can we call the exterminator now?
Al : No, no, it's personal now. Not only will I kill this mouse, I'll torture it. I'll smack him around. I'll throw it against the wall. And if there's one spark of life left in its twitching little body, I'll strap it to a chair, tape its eyelids open and make it watch thirtysomething. No one doodies in Al Bundy's shoes and lives!