Megan's amateur girls soccer team's coach Mitch tells Tony his endless criticism is too much and quits, leaving Tony holding the clipboard. Next day Mitch comes thank Tony for being such an obnoxious idiot and the ideal excuse to dump a job his wife wouldn't let him off. Tony telling Bernie he's happy not to be the only tormented teenage girl's father, but frightened of a whole team suffices to talk him into showing how easy it is for a real player (not a ball lookalike) who could handle 140 lb. muscle mountains. Tony is impressed, but to Dana Bernie admits it's murder; she remembers the one thing guaranteed to motivate teenage girls: cute teenage boys, like Mikey, who proves the perfect prize with Patrick and some other mates. Alas now Tony is jealous, so Bernie asks Tony to 'fill in' and tells him the 'hormones' trick; they overhear Megan defending Tony to her team friends...