Boss, this is my assistant, Alice Tompkins. She's the one who really turned my show around.
It's nice to meet you, sir. I'll never forget the speech you gave at my high school graduation. "I just drank two bottles of tequila. My wife doesn't know I'm here. Any of you girls over 18?"
I still give that speech today. You know, Southern people like us have to work extra hard here in New York. People hear the way we talk and just assume we're illiterate country bumpkins!
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