Andy Richter: Do you think Dracula could have kids?
Jessica Green: [not very interested] No.
Andy Richter: Well, what about Son of Dracula or Dracula's Daughter?
Jessica Green: Okay then, yes.
Andy Richter: Can the Mummy swim?
Jessica Green: No.
Andy Richter: Well, he was in that swamp in that one movie.
Jessica Green: Okay, you made your point, you'd make an excellent monster lawyer.
Mr. Pickering: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. But hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish. And his wife!
Andy Richter: [thinking] I wonder if Frankenstein uses the toilet or just goes in his pants?
Andy Richter: [during a flashback, a tearful Andy has been spying on his sexy neighbors] Will I ever know love?
Jessica Green: Okay, here's my prisoners poem. I don't think it's very good, but maybe I'm too close to it.
Jessica Green: One, two, three, four, lets rob a convenience store. Five, six, seven, eight. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. It goes on like that for a while.
Wendy McKay: Good thing he has jail to fall back on.
Jessica Green: Use your pen to express your feelings. And if you win, I'll buy you that subscription to 'Fat Ass Nurse'.