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Andy Richter: Do you think Dracula could have kids?

Jessica Green: [not very interested] No.

Andy Richter: Well, what about Son of Dracula or Dracula's Daughter?

Jessica Green: Okay then, yes.

Andy Richter: Can the Mummy swim?

Jessica Green: No.

Andy Richter: Well, he was in that swamp in that one movie.

Jessica Green: Okay, you made your point, you'd make an excellent monster lawyer.

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Mr. Pickering: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. But hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish. And his wife!

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Andy Richter: [thinking] I wonder if Frankenstein uses the toilet or just goes in his pants?

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Andy Richter: [during a flashback, a tearful Andy has been spying on his sexy neighbors] Will I ever know love?

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Jessica Green: Okay, here's my prisoners poem. I don't think it's very good, but maybe I'm too close to it.

[reading]

Jessica Green: One, two, three, four, lets rob a convenience store. Five, six, seven, eight. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. It goes on like that for a while.

Wendy McKay: Good thing he has jail to fall back on.

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Jessica Green: Use your pen to express your feelings. And if you win, I'll buy you that subscription to 'Fat Ass Nurse'.

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Wendy McKay: Oh my God, he's choking!

Keith Richards: After I specifically told him not to.

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Andy Richter: Are we bad people?

Jessica Green: Didn't you hear the man? we're not allowed in prison!

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