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Diamonds Aren't Forever 

In this James Bond spoof, a suave super spy called James (played by former James Bond actor George Lazenby) must retrieve a golden statue from an isolated hotel filled with spies and kooky characters.


Peter Crane


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Episode cast overview:
Alfred Hitchcock ... Himself - Host (archive footage)
Jack Blum ... Mickey
Eve Crawford Eve Crawford ... Rachel
Don Lake ... A.C. Boone
Peter Langley Peter Langley ... Colonel
George Lazenby ... James ...
Araby Lockhart Araby Lockhart ... Mrs. Pickett
Sam Malkin Sam Malkin ... Barney
Chris Moore Chris Moore ... Honi
Ian White Ian White ... Agent on TV


In this parody of James Bond movies, a suave gentlemanly super spy named James (played by former James Bond actor George Lazenby as an in-joke) is on a mission to retrieve a valuable stolen golden statue from a quaint isolated hotel in a forest. In medias res, he escapes from Soviet Colonel Volosnikov's plane and uses a parachute with a huge Union Jack emblem on it to arrive at his destination only to find a cast of oddball characters there, each of whom could be the secret Soviet spy who knows where the statue is hidden. Mickey is a former mental patient who suffers from blackouts during which he has violent episodes. A.C. Boone is a 30-something nature documentarian, who's never been with a woman due to his pathological shyness, and has come to the hotel to hang himself. Honi is a bimbo, who wants to be an actress. She thinks Boone is a famous porn director and plans to show him why she'd be a great leading lady. Rachel is Mickey's therapist. He has a mad crush on her, but she's ...

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Parents Guide:

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Release Date:

15 April 1989 (USA) See more »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs


Sound Mix:




Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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Did You Know?


Marks 20 years since Lazenby played Bond. Despite not officially being Bond in this, he's clearly meant to be. See more »


Spoofs Diamonds Are Forever (1971) See more »


My Guy's a Spy
Performed by Shirley Bassey
See more »

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