The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: Lucille Ball (1975 TV Special)
Himself - Roastmaster: There isn't anything this girl can't do. She can sing, she can dance, she can get laughs - especially from her singing and dancing.
Herself - Woman of the Hour: During my lifetime, I've had audiences with the Pope, I've dined with presidents... but being here tonight with people in my own business, I can honestly say how great it was being with the Pope and the presidents.
Bob Hope: Lucy's always doing nice things. Even though she's not with Desi anymore she got him a job as a dialogue coach on 'Chico and the Man'.
Gary Morton: I'm in a very delicate position, having to roast my own wife. I can just picture her tonight, setting the electric blanket to 'headache.'
Gale Gordon: [to Lucy] Mrs. Morton, Vivian Vance is funnier than you are.
Totie Fields: Lucy darling, you have been a big star for many, many years and it must kill ya to see a young kid like me stepping into your shoes.
Ginger Rogers: I've known Lucy longer than anyone here, I think its safe to say that. What's not safe to say is how I feel about her.
Vivian Vance: [to Lucy] You probably don't remember me. But we go back a long way.
Don Rickles: I must be honest. I never liked Lucille Ball, I never did.
Nipsey Russell: In all her years on television, Lucille Ball never used a black performer. And we want her to know from the bottom of our hearts we appreciate. We had enough trouble.
Don Rickles: [to Nipsey Russell] Shut up! I hate when a spade butts in!