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Episode List


Season 1

16 Jun. 2004
Father Bob and mother Carol Chase rather miss the time when their quintuplets were small, cute and made them happy and popular. When it gets a bit too much, dad buys tickets to a Springsteen concert just for the two of them, but underestimates the effect of spiced brownies he cheerfully accepts there. Since ma's mindless meddling with a party only the eldest boy Parker and girl where invited for at Brooke's place, while her rule says one, all or none of the five siblings, results in it being canceled as it was never parentally authorized, which makes the 'quints' the ...
23 Jun. 2004
The Chase family is in state of emergency when Penny gets the flue, so she's quarantined in the basement because last time it went around thrice ('quintuplets contagious' contracts to the title). She looks at it from the bright side, having 'her own room', but then her stupid sister Paige follows, who is so addicted to gossip she pays anything for listener's time- in time that affliction also proves contagious. Pierce is so weird anyway that nobody can tell if he's affected by anything- now he wears PJs because he gets his best ideas in bed, mixes maths with English ...
30 Jun. 2004
Little Man on Campus
The quintuplets' high school team, the Coogars, holds auditions. As always Parker aces his athletic star spot, Pearce gets to be the team mascot, but Paige is a wreck: stinking at cheer-leading isn't good enough to become a Cougerette just because she looks good! At first dad Bob feels a bit sick when he hears her spot has been taken by his youngest Patton, who simply wouldn't just roll over when failing team selection -as the shortest player ever that was always a long shot- but seconds ex-cheer-leading mother Carol's enthusiasm when he learns there are even ...
7 Jul. 2004
Lord of the Cell
Dad Bob won a cell phone at work; the kids all want one since ages, but ma insists on the hated rule: when something can't benefit all five, none get it; Parker presses the point that only denies all of them all kinds of things, so pa tries an alternative: a week-long contest who scores most points by doing chores. Parker turns the idea down as degrading, but the others are too eager: Patton needs it to get girls, preselected on shaky boyfriend-relationships, on the rebound; Paige craves anything to yap and all her friends have on-she even carries a fake to save face;...
14 Jul. 2004
(Disdainfully) the Helbergs
The Chases' car has had it, but father Bob has a great idea: they can earn a new mono-volume just like they got their old '5-mobile', by making another quintuplet-commercial, the same car company is interested. Alas the reason they stopped doing commercials hasn't changed either: they must do an audition against the perfect, blond Helberg quintuplets, mercilessly managed by greedy, arrogant father Francis who never looses. Parker refuses to do a car commercial because of his Greenpeace-minded girlfriend, so Paige's brainless boyfriend Tyler pretends to be Parker. The ...
21 Jul. 2004
Get a Job
Dad grins the kids' half-birthday makes them old enough to work for their own money. In no time Parker finds a pick-up dream job at a burger joint; he panics when his first zit appears, blaming it on the frying fat, till he finds girls love the idea of popping it out. Patton proves a born shoe-salesman, who can give girls the feeling they deserve ridiculously expensive footwear, at their own cost; alas birdbrain Paige also signs on and stupidly tells customers the truth, their supervisor Neil has a soft sport for the twit- the second day, their bickering gets them ...
28 Jul. 2004
Swing, Swing, Swing
The quints have their school ball. Parker is always in demand, but while his first choice Carrie Friedman easily accepted, 'irresistible' bully Gino Grazano forces his creepy sister Gina on the stud, who finds any attempt to make himself undesirable, even onion stench, backfires. Patton, indomitably ambitious as ever, asks every good-looking girl in school, in alphabetical order, but gets his act together as 'dying kid' in time to land nobody less then adult video star (known to dad 'where did I see you?'!) 'Catherine Zeta-Juggs'. Penny planned to make a protest ...
4 Aug. 2004
Shakespeare in Lust
Penny gets the chance of a lifetime to leave the town: her own Romeo and Juliet school production can earn her a scholarship. Alas supervising teacher Ms. Hentschel not only forces her to dump gay talent Matt as Romeo for Patton, who thus gets to kiss Parker's girlfriend Carrie, who never kisses the hunk on the lips, while the Chase parents make Penny appoint worthless Paige for the props she plans to dispense with altogether, but Hentschel frowns on Penny's minimalistic approach, so she is forced to do it line-prompter Pearce's comics superhero-way. Meanwhile pa Bob ...
8 Sep. 2004
The Sixth Quint
The Quint's old best friend returns after 5 years in Africa. Penny has boy trouble. Parker and Pearce are after the same girl. Paige has a slumber party. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad sneak off to a sleazy motel for a little love.
15 Sep. 2004
Love, Lies and Lullabies
Penny decides to have a live science project: manipulating the dumbest kid in class, popular sister Paige, who normally depends on nerds to do all the work for her, to construct a cool hemoglobin molecule model. Cool big brother Parker gets disappointed twice in a row: first hot new girl Jessica Geiger shows no interest whatsoever in the hunk but takes instantly to kid brother Patton, then Alayna continues to play him against weird brother Pearce, so they team up for a science project, the human battery, using Parker's body to take the shocks, and again, after his ...
22 Sep. 2004
Quint Con
Nobody else wanted to, but mother insists to participate in a twins - and multiples convention. Dad is forced to go talk to a future quints father, who concludes from the truth it's high time to run for his life. Patton meets sexy twins who won't date separately, so he plays his imaginary twin Peter too. Pearce has constructed a womb experience, which means nothing to Parker- except a money machine. Penny and Paige date twins they once knew as unsightly brats, but meanwhile turned out hunky studs, alas both prefer- Paige, the better kisser!
29 Sep. 2004
Battle of the Bands
It's Battle of the Bands time at school, Parker is entered and it brings back regrets for Bob. Patton teaches Paige and her friends how to dance. Penny is in love with a smelly musician, and for some reason, Pearce is playing the theremin.
6 Oct. 2004
Working It
Dad hadn't sold anything in two months, so he's hell-bent to land Mr. Reynolds' office contract, but under his 'me too' approach that requires Patton playing a ten-year old boyscout (for a percentage), him and mother 'warming up' to the client's wife's ludicrous fashion creations and faking a passion for lobster-fishing while he's actually allergic to shellfish. Paige refuses to pay back any of the money she borrowed from Penny now her tips came in, all spend on new cloths, so Penny takes a waitress job there too, just to make sure the crappy service will kill Paige's...
3 Nov. 2004
Boobs on the Run
The quints want to go to a party, but the parents object. The boys manage to escape, and get hooked up with crazy college boy Luskin, eager to travel with him to Canada where girls will run in the snow bare-bosom. While ma Carol discovers that pa Bob has converted a room she ignores since 13 years into his secret subterranean hideout 'camp Bob', the trio finds life with Luskin is never dull but even less safe or satisfying: he moons but after Pearce tanks diesel in the gas car they loose their cloths in a dryer...
10 Nov. 2004
Teacher's Pet
Mother can't handle tutoring artistic nut-case Pearce anymore, so dad does but is suckered into writing his English paper for him, to prove to ma he's not just a C-grades idiot, and treated exactly like the schoolboy. Ever ambitious and horny Patton aims no lower then his foxy new English teacher, so he pretends to be a moron in need of her home tutoring. Alas that puts her adult date, coach Scales, in a fulminating foul mood, which must sorely be worked off by- torturing well-behaved jock Parker and his teammates all evening with inhuman exercise series, till they ...
24 Nov. 2004
Thanksgiving Day Charade
Ma Carol wants to make a good impression a her college friend Lisa, now a London publisher, who is visiting on Thanksgiving, so she hires Penny to play the devoted daughter. Bob's slick womanizing -hence the boys' idol- brother Steve, a sports agent, also stops by and pretends to go help out in a shelter, but in fact takes Bob to a nightclub as wingman to entertain Lisa Appleby, the friend of Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard who he hopes to sign up; alas showing off a bouncing trick with his wedding ring goes bad for Bob, and not just there... Pearce doesn't trust Penny ...
1 Dec. 2004
Date Night
Mother Carol is disappointed neither Parker nor Penny wants to go out dining with the parents as 'special quint day' anymore, so she tricks dad into going to the diner exactly when Parker is there with his date Eliza, even reserves the table next to them; to both boys' horror, her interference only makes the girl insist they pull the tables together and enjoy embarrassing memories. Paige dates unattractive banker's son Hugo, whose inheritance makes him appear physically attractive in her bird brain, so Penny dares her to go out with him at her own expense. Patton goes...
15 Dec. 2004
Bob and Carol Save Christmas
Bob and Carol find that the quints are really sick of 'Quintsmas', which means getting no Christmas presents until the Christmas sale, just pictures on the actual holiday, so they risk all their Christmas budget at blackjack in Atlantic City, using Bob's tried-and-unapproved system, and, to stop her hysteric encouragement, Carol's nonexistent one at another table, with a surprising series of high and low results - Meanwhile: Parker looks forward to playing Joseph in a Nativity stall with a hot teacher as narrator, but Patton worms his way in, for lack of an open part ...
22 Dec. 2004
Where Are They Now?
Dad Bob Chase is delighted one of the TV show who hovered around the quints as babies plans to make a 'where are they now' on their family, but when Patton makes him aware producer Mark Lawrence also makes reality TV, they two hope to convince him to make one about the Chases. They fear all-American athlete Parker is too tame, so dad sets his 'boring' best son up as a weed addict. Ma can only be persuaded to participate if she has a career again, so Bob pays her former boss to 'hire' her back in publishing. Pearce melts when told his adored Alayna has broken up with ...
29 Dec. 2004
Shall We Fight
Patton's girlfriend Julie and Penny's boyfriend Brady enjoy double-dating, they don't, and their pretense of confidence viz. intellect drives their over-impressed normal mates away. Pearce enlists Parker's help to stop him going after Alayne always and everywhere, even with handcuffs and projectiles. Ma Carol forced dad Bob to take dance lessons, Matt far too generously offers to teach them for free and after hours, so Bob tries stinking at everything and crushes her ankle, but she makes him pursue the course alone; when Matt chickens out of the hopeless task, having ...
5 Jan. 2005
Chutes and Letters
When Parker and Patton realize Pierce still is a virgin who never even made 'second base', they give him brotherly advice -also for the cause of guys making girls easy- and Parker even hands-on practice, badly needed given Pierce's natural clumsiness... Patton has a scam selling his 'secret odorless aphrodisiac', actually water, but his accomplice has her own hidden agenda... Carol enjoyed getting out this month of taking the girls to her 98-year great aunt Sylvia, a nasty nagging bag, but envies Bob when they find Sylvia fallen to her death from diving down the ...
12 Jan. 2005
The Coconut Kapow
In a particularly foul mood, mother forbids Patton to date for a month 'to teach him respect for girls' and makes shopaholic Paige get rid of all cloths which don't fit in her closet, that's about half. When she tells Pearce she can't bring herself to sell the unlucky half at the second hand shop, her dear brother volunteers to do the job the next morning, but ignores she already sold the pile she meant... Pressed by ma Carol to teach Patton something to give him another source of pride then seducing, pa Bob shows him his meanest wrestling tricks, shamelessly abusing ...

 Season 1 

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