6.5/10
33,551
84 user 55 critic

Mean Machine (2001)

A football star jailed for assault leads a group of inmates in a match against prison guards.

Director:

Barry Skolnick

Writers:

Tracy Keenan Wynn (earlier screenplay "The Longest Yard"), Charlie Fletcher (screenplay) | 2 more credits »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Vinnie Jones ... Danny Meehan
David Kelly ... Doc
David Hemmings ... Governor
Ralph Brown ... Burton
Vas Blackwood ... Massive
Robbie Gee ... Trojan
Geoff Bell ... Ratchett
John Forgeham ... Charlie Sykes
Sally Phillips ... Tracey
Danny Dyer ... Billy the Limpet
Jason Flemyng ... Bob Likely
Jason Statham ... Monk
Martin Wimbush Martin Wimbush ... Z
David Reid David Reid ... Barman
David Cropman David Cropman ... Second Barman
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Storyline

Disgraced ex-England captain (Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan) is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. Whilst in jail, he doesn't recieve any favours because of his celebrity status in the outside world. He is out numbered and many prisoners constantly barrage him with insults for letting down his country in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. These prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards. The prisoners are lead by Danny and the whole of the prison, guards aside, are behind them. Game on...... Written by James Phillips

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Not Your Usual Suspects See more »

Genres:

Comedy | Crime | Drama | Sport

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language and some violence | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

View content advisory »
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Details

Country:

UK | USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

26 December 2001 (UK) See more »

Also Known As:

Костолом See more »

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Box Office

Budget:

GBP2,500,000 (estimated)

Gross USA:

$92,770

Cumulative Worldwide Gross:

$7,310,206
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

Show more on IMDbPro »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1
See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham, Jason Flemyng, Vas Blackwood and Jake Abraham were all in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), which also produced by Matthew Vaughn. Guy Ritchie was an executive producer on the film. See more »

Goofs

Monk is described as having killed over 20 people, which would make him one of the UK's most prolific serial killers. At the start of the movie, Longmarsh prison is described as a Category B prison. Monk would almost certainly be deemed a high risk Category A restricted status prisoner, and would be imprisoned somewhere like HMP Belmarsh. See more »

Quotes

[Danny drives a second free kick into Ratchett's crotch]
Bob Likely: Ooh! Right in his Carentan onions.
Bob Carter: No nooky for Mr. Ratchett.
Bob Likely: No nooky for Mrs. Ratchett neither.
See more »

Alternate Versions

In the US version some phrases and terms were changed to make the film more understandable for American audiences. For example, when Doc is talking to Danny about why he is in jail, the original dialogue "his little nipper and his bird" are looped with "his little baby and his girl". Additionally in the US version, Nitro has a softer, Liverpool accent, whereas in the original version, he has a Newcastle accent. See more »

Connections

References Victory (1981) See more »

Soundtracks

The Fight Song
Written by Marilyn Manson and John Lowrey
Performed by Marilyn Manson
See more »

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User Reviews

Not that funny or interesting but distracting enough nonsense to appeal to slightly drunk male football fans
4 August 2006 | by bob the mooSee all my reviews

Danny Meehan is a former football star and former captain of England at the top level. However when a drunken binge leads to an assault on some police officers, Danny finds himself in prison where the welcome is less than, well, welcoming. Struggling to fit in and threatened by guards and prisoners alike, Danny accepts the offer from the gambling warden to stage a football match between the prisoners and the officers. However with few willing to stand up with Danny (and against the screws), things look like they will be near impossible.

One of a couple of remakes of The Longest Yard, this film goes for a straight remake but with a UK setting. Despite it occasionally having a serious edge to it, this is mostly a film about laddish jokes, banter and sports. It could have had interesting subtexts about corruption, the impact of sport on society or the corrupting nature of power/authority but instead it just goes for the lowest denominator every chance it gets. In this way it marks out its territory and its target audience and never really aspires to much beyond this. It is a shame really because it is clearly trying serious things but they just come off as clunky and not developed properly. The effect of this is that it regularly knocks the wind out of the fun aspect that only occasionally gets up a good head of steam.

The cast do the best they can regardless and, in fairness, they do OK. Jones is pretty convincing in most scenes and only struggles when he is called upon to convey emotion or carry the serious stuff. Blackwood is good value in a silly role. Statham nicely sends up his martial arts personae well. The rest of the cast are so-so and fit in with the general so-so level the film is working on but you do have to wonder why Sally Phillips bothered to show up for such a pointless character.

Overall a basic sports comedy. It isn't very funny, doesn't have much of interest and it isn't much cop. At the time I was shattered and just looking for something brainless to fill a bit of down time – on that level it worked for me, but only just.


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