Wooly Boys (2001)
Charles: You know this is just what my mom was afraid of: peer pressure. And it's coming from my grandfather.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Mind telling me why you were sittin' buck naked on a porcuipine?
[to a horse]
Shuck: Don't just stand there. Either herd the sheep or I gotta buy me a sheep dog.
Hank Dawson: So, where's your uglier half?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I left him out there to deal with Martinez.
Hank Dawson: I'm gonna have to drag my ass all the way up there to investigate a double homicide?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: A man can't sit around all day drinkin' coffee.
Hank Dawson: He can sure as hell try.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I ain't linin' Ma Bell's pantaloons for two calls a year.
[in a Greyhound bus station]
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: How much does it cost to ride the 'Hound to Minneapolis these days?
Verla: Why, Stoney hon', you haven't been to the Twin Cities since Dolly Parton went, criminies, went from a C cup to a triple D.
Charles: Do you have any idea how long it's taken me to get into that site?
Shuck: Do you have any idea how long I've been standin' here?
Charles: Great, I'm getting a lesson in bad manners from a cowboy.
Shuck: Sheep rancher.
Charles: There's a difference?
Shuck: Want ya to try gettin' the fleeces off in one piece this time. And shear the ewe up front first. She's in the family way.
Martinez: I think I could have figured that out for myself. I am a woman.
Shuck: You coulda fooled me.
Charles: Where's the bathroom? Or do you guys just open the door and pee?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Down the hall, hang a left.
Charles: Is there any soap?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Why? Plan to pee on your hand?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I don't like the way she's raising you.
Charles: Oh? How's that?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Like a frail litter runt still suckin' hind tit.
Charles: OK, I've got no idea what that means, but you can't talk to me like that.
Charles: What's that smell?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Dirt. Wool. Grass... Life.
Charles: All I smell is shit.
Shuck: I wouldn't make a lot of noise if I was you. You don't want to alert Stoney to your leavin'.
Charles: As if he would care if I left.
Shuck: What makes you think he don't care?
Charles: I don't know... What would you call no contact for nine years?
Shuck: I'd call it bein' a man of few words.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Even up the reins. Drop your heels. Turn your knees inward.
Charles: Hey, I've ridden a horse before! OK, it was "Virtual Saddle."
Charles: Drinkin' under age, drivin' without a license, now vandalism. You're a bad influence, Stoney.
Kate: Mr. McKormick, we have pitched this deal for nearly two days. Either spur the horse or get your ass out of the saddle!
Shuck: You know, we ought to be thinkin' about gettin' the kid back home, Stoney. He belongs to his mama. You can't turn him into a wooly boy in two hours.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: You can't teach nobody nothin' around here.
Hank Dawson: Agent Collins, I know Stony and Shuck. They're just a couple of harmless...
Orville Spratt: Sheriff! Sheriff! Shuck just shot Owen!
Hank Dawson: ...old felons.
Charles: So where's Hidden Springs?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I'll know it when I see it.
Shuck: Then we're all in big trouble, 'cause the old fart forgot his glasses.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Skeleton trees. We head north.
Charles: Skeleton trees? Bald rock, broke twig? This is how you guys get around?
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: The land has scars just like people. Helps you recognize where you are.
Shuck: You gotta a better way?
Charles: Yeah! Turn left at Burger King... if you hit Taco Bell, you've gone too far.
A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: If you want to curse, go outside.
[calling his lamb]
Charles: Come on, CPU!
Shuck: What the hell kind of name is CPU?
Charles: Beats "Chili Meat", that's what.