Ronna: I need a favor.
Todd: Wow, I didn't know we were such good friends, Ronna! Because if we were, you would know I give head before I give favors and I didn't even give my best friends head, so the chances of your getting a favor is pretty fucking slim.
Stringy Haired Woman: Don't think you're something you're not. I used to have your job.
Ronna: Look how far it got you.
Todd: You come here, out of the blue, asking for 20 hits. Just so happens 20 is the magic number where intent to sell becomes trafficking!
Ronna: Todd, I would never fuck you like that.
Todd: How would you fuck me?
Zack: It really didn't go as bad as it could have.
Adam: A girl is dead, Zack.
Zack: I didn't say it went perfectly.
Burke: Listen, I just want to make a deal here. Can we make a deal?
Ronna: Who the hell are you? Monty Hall?
Todd: What do you want for Christmas, Claire?
Claire: I don't know.
Todd: Do you want to get laid?
Todd: No, you don't wanna get laid, or no, you do, but you don't wanna get laid - with me?
[Claire and Todd are having breakfast together, and he's reading the funnies in the newspaper]
Claire: So, what do you have against The Family Circus?
Todd: Okay. You sit down and read your paper, and you're enjoying your entire two-page comics spread. Right? And then there's the Family fucking Circus, bottom right-hand corner, just waiting to suck.
Singh: Just so we're clear, you stole a car, shot a bouncer, and had sex with two women?
Victor Sr.: You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so fucking incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the fucking difference.
[Adam and Zack are in the rain trying to make space in their trunk to put a body in it]
Zack: Wait! Stop! Hold it!
Adam: What? What?
Zack: It's a Miata!
Tiny: And whack! It hits her in the eye. And her contact? It's, like, stuck on the end of my dick!
[Tiny waits for a reaction, but his friends are unimpressed. Only Marcus, in the front passenger seat, turns his head, alertly, like a lion smelling prey]
Tiny: Yo, her contact was stuck on the end of my dick, yo!
Marcus: Was it hard or was it soft?
Tiny: What, my dick?
Singh: The contact lens!
Marcus: Do you remember if it was a colored lens? That she used to have two blue eyes, and now she had one blue and one brown?
Tiny: [Still elated from telling his story] Hey, what the fuck does that matter?
Marcus: [Marcus turns to look at Tiny over the headrest of the front passenger seat, and stares him straight in the eye] It matters because it happened to ME. That was my story. I told that story a year ago, man!
Tiny: Aw, no.
Marcus: The difference is that I knew those small but important details. That and, and my story was true.
[Embarrassed, he looks out the window, away from Marcus]
Marcus: What do you mean, whatever?
Tiny: Why don't you pull your stinky-dinky out of my ass? I'm just trying to make conversation. Fuck! Come on, why don't you give a nigger a break?
Marcus: [Marcus turns around in the car seat again] "Nigger"? What nigger?
[touches his own chest]
Marcus: THIS nigger?
Tiny: Yo, I told you, my mother's mother's mother were black!
Marcus: Your mother's mother's mother, fuck - this ain't "Roots", mutha... Man, I wanna see a picture of this Nubian princess.
Marcus: If you were any less black, you would be clear.
Tiny: That bitch was black as night!
Singh: Okay! Stop! Truce!
Tiny: But I see black. Because I know I am. Color's a state of mind, Marcus!
Marcus: You know what, you right. Thank you, Rhythm Nation.
[And the laughter and insults continue... ]
Claire: You're making me an accessory!
Ronna: Okay Claire, that bracelet of mine you're wearing, that's an accessory.
Zack: [after being asked by Burke to sell Confederated Products] Uhh, wait. Wait. You want us to sell Amway?
Burke: It's Confederated Products. It's a different company, it's a different quality of product.
Mannie: So, what are we doing for New Year's?
Tiny: Yo, I told you, my mother's mother's mother was black!
Marcus: Your mother's mother's mother, f*** - this ain't "Roots", mutha... Man, I wanna see a picture of this Nubian princess. If you were any less black, you would be clear.
[Selling allergy medicine as drugs]
Ronna: You know what makes it even better? If you take like a lot of pot with it. I mean like, like a lot of pot.
[Claire walks out of the apartment - a gunshot is heard from the apartment - she freezes]
Simon Baines: [from the apartment] It's alright. I'm okay.
Adam: Is it safe to have a radio attached to my balls like this?
Todd: Hey Ronna, how are sales?
Ronna: Todd, I can explain
Todd: I'm not going to ask you to. It's not like I'm in a highly ethical industry. But Goddamned, Ronna. You fucked me over for twenty lousy hits!
Ronna: [before selling baby aspirin to a party-goer] Show me your tits.
Zack: Let's think about this logically. She's either alive, or she's dead.
Simon Baines: They can't evict you on Christmas! Then you'd be ho-ho-homeless!
[after the wild night]
Mannie: So... what are we doing for New Years?
[after being asked by Burke to sell the Amway-like Confederated Products]
Zack: I have to do something terribly unwholesome after that. I need to bathe in sin.
Adam: With me, or one of your other boyfriends?
Marcus: You can order anything you want so long as it's not what?
Simon Baines: Champagne
barmaid: What'll it be?
Marcus: Let me get a vodka tonic and a beer, please.
Simon Baines: I'd like to buy your most expensive bottle of champagne!
[Referring to the Family Circus comic strip]
Todd: And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck.