Robert Redford: Bishop
Martin Bishop : Carl?
Carl : The, young lady with the... Uzi. Is she single?
Martin Bishop : Uh, Carl? Excuse us.
[pulls Carl aside]
Martin Bishop : This is the brass ring. Haven't you got any bigger thoughts?
Carl : I just want her telephone number. Please?
NSA Agent Mary : Wait a minute... you can have anything you want, and you're asking for my phone number?
Carl : Yes.
NSA Agent Mary : 273-9164. Area code 415.
Carl : I'm Carl.
NSA Agent Mary : I'm Mary.
Bernard Abbott : I'm going to be sick!
[each member of the team makes a request in return for the decryption chip]
Whistler : I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
Bernard Abbott : Oh, this is ridiculous.
Martin Bishop : He's serious.
Whistler : I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.
Bernard Abbott : We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Martin Bishop : You're just gonna have to try.
Bernard Abbott : All right, I'll see what I can do.
Whistler : Thank you very much. That's all I ask.
Cosmo : Pollution. Crime. Drugs, poverty, disease, hunger, despair - we throw GOBS of money at them and problems only get worse. Why is that? Because money's most powerful ability is to allow bad people to continue doing bad things at the expense of those who don't have it.
Martin Bishop : I agree. Now who did you say you were working for?
Cosmo : Oh, that's just my day job.
Martin Bishop : You know, I could have been in the NSA, but they found out my parents were married.
[Wallace goes after him, menacing]
Dick Gordon : National Security Agency.
Martin Bishop : Ah. You're the guys I hear breathing on the other end of my phone.
Dick Gordon : No, that's the FBI. We're not chartered for domestic surveillance.
Martin Bishop : Oh, I see. You just overthrow governments. Set up friendly dictators.
Dick Gordon : No, that's the CIA. We protect our government's communications, we try to break the other fella's codes. We're the good guys, Marty.
Martin Bishop : Gee, I can't tell you what a relief that is... Dick.
[asking each team member what they'll do with their share of the money]
Martin Bishop : Carl?
Carl : [helium voice] I'd like to have a deep relationship with a beautiful woman who melts from the very first time our eyes meet.
Martin Bishop : We're not getting paid that much, Carl.
Carl : Well, you know, someone like Liz.
Martin Bishop : We're definitely not getting paid that much.
Cosmo : Posit: People think a bank might be financially shaky.
Martin Bishop : Consequence: People start to withdraw their money.
Cosmo : Result: Pretty soon it is financially shaky.
Martin Bishop : Conclusion: You can make banks fail.
Cosmo : Bzzt. I've already done that. Maybe you've heard about a few? Think bigger.
Martin Bishop : Stock market?
Cosmo : Yes.
Martin Bishop : Currency market?
Cosmo : Yes.
Martin Bishop : Commodities market?
Cosmo : Yes.
Martin Bishop : Small countries?
Cosmo : I might even be able to crash the whole damn system. Destroy all records of ownership. Think of it, Marty: no more rich people, no more poor people, everybody's the same. Isn't that what we said we always wanted?
Martin Bishop : Cos, you haven't gone crazy on me, have you?
Martin Bishop : [re-arranging Scrabble letters] SETEC ASTRONOMY... TOO MANY SECRETS.
[during the team's surveillance of Dr. Janek, they hear his girlfriend passionately making out with him]
Carl : [instantly] Mr. Bishop, do you mind if I take a look?
Martin Bishop : Carl!
Donald Crease : [pushing Carl away] Grow up.
[taps Martin on the shoulder]
Donald Crease : [whispers] Let me see.
Martin Bishop : If I come in with what I know, can you guarantee my safety?
Bernard Abbott : Do you have the item?
Martin Bishop : No.
Whistler : Fifteen seconds.
Martin Bishop : Can you guarantee my safety?
Bernard Abbott : Where is the item?
Martin Bishop : [more emphatic] Can you guarantee my safety?
Dick Gordon : Before we begin, something we need to clear up. Most firms of this kind are staffed with ex-law enforcement types, but your team, it's...
Martin Bishop : [laughs] I know, kind of different.
Buddy Wallace : Yes, you are.
Buddy Wallace : Darryl Roscow, also known as "Mother." Eighteen months at Denimmoore for breaking and entering.
Martin Bishop : Yeah, he was framed. But he's got the best hands in the business.
Buddy Wallace : [opens another file] Carl Arbogast, age 19. Caught breaking into the Oakland City School District computer to change his grades.
Martin Bishop : I know, we're the ones who caught him.
Buddy Wallace : [another file] Erwin Emory, also known as "Whistler."
Martin Bishop : Yeah, yeah, I know, he had a little trouble with the phone company...
Buddy Wallace : Sixty-two counts?
Martin Bishop : All right, you want law enforcement? What about Donald Crease? Twenty-two year veteran of the CIA.
Buddy Wallace : Terminated, 1987. Why was that?
Martin Bishop : I don't know, I think maybe a personality conflict. Who are you guys?
Dick Gordon : Relax, Marty. We have to check on these things. It's just that every member of your team has had some kind of problem in their past.
Buddy Wallace : [opens another file] Then there's Martin Bishop...
[after a tense silence, he tilts the folder, showing it is empty]
Buddy Wallace : He doesn't seem to have a past.
Carl : It's fascinating what fifty bucks will get you at the county recorder's office.
Martin Bishop : What have you got?
Carl : Playtronics Corporate Headquarters, the complete blueprints.
Martin Bishop : Not bad. Not bad, Carl.
Carl : Well, thanks.
Martin Bishop : Where'd you get the fifty bucks?
Carl : Took it from Mother's wallet.
Martin Bishop : Good.
[Gordon tells Bishop a scientist has gotten $380,000 from Russia]
Martin Bishop : Gimme a break. We won, they lost, you know? It's been in a couple of the papers.
[Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor]
Donald Crease : This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market.
Mother : And watch this.
[he breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off]
Donald Crease : Also responds to thermal differentials.
Martin Bishop : Does this have a happy ending?
Mother : Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees - which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that...
Mother : and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine.
Martin Bishop : Since when am I the one who's...
Mother : This is the same model answering machine that Janek used for the shell of his box, now that's what you'll be carrying across the room at two inches per second. I got that for you because I figured you'd just, you know, want to practice. Remember to go real slow!
Martin Bishop : Slow.
[looks at Crease]
Donald Crease : You get all the *fun* stuff...
Martin Bishop : I'm getting too old for this.
Martin Bishop : Gentlemen. Your communication lines are vulnerable, your fire exits need to be monitored, your rent-a-cops are a tad undertrained... Outside of that, everything seems to be just fine. You'll be getting our full report and analysis in a few days, but first, who's got my check?
[watching the surveillance video over and over again as Janek types in his computer's password]
Dr. Elena Rhyzkov : I leave message here on service, but you do not call.
Dr. Gunter Janek : Oh, I-I'm sorry, it's just...
Mother : [stops the tape] Okay, that's definitely W-G.
Crease : Definitely not. No, that's a "V"...
Martin Bishop : [giving up] She's in the way.