Press Gang (1989–1993)
Paul Reynolds: Colin Mathews
Colin : Maybe I should just mention my extra-specially-close friends get a preferential loan rate *and* badges. I do have vacancies in my peer group...
Colin : Ruby Grogan, Spike. Just stay away from her.
Spike : Don't tell me, you've fallen in love again, and you haven't gotten around to telling the lady yet. Ethel Stuttgart two right?
Colin : I'm warning you Spike, just stay away from her.
Spike : I'm trying to! And what are you going to do if I don't?
Colin : Spike, I don't want to get violent.
Spike : [pushes Colin] Violent?
Colin : Well, rude.
Spike : [pushes Colin again] Rude?
Colin : Well a bit off hand certainly.
[Spike grabs Colin by his shirt]
Colin : Well more kind of reserved, you know, distantly. A kind of polite.
Spike : So if I don't stay away from Ruby, you're gonna get polite with me?
Colin : Yeah!
[Spike lets go]
Colin : And that's just for starters!
Colin : ...and I mean that, Kenny. From-the-Heart City. Total Sincerityville. You're gonna be big. And I mean that. Right from the heart.
[Pats his chest]
Kenny : The other side.
Colin : What?
Kenny : Your heart's on the other side.
Colin : Oh right! That's what you get for practicing in the mirror.
Colin Matthews : I love the dictionary, Kenny. It's the only book with the words in the right order.
Colin : Preservation of animals? You mean like in the freezer?
Tiddler : How was Warner Edison?
Colin : Dead.
Kenny : What?
Colin : He had a heart attack last Wednesday, two hours after he phoned me to come round. It was his funeral this afternoon, and they were having a sort of a gathering at his house. Do you know what I really wish?
Tiddler : What?
Colin : I wish that I hadn't pushed past the guy that opened the door, rushed into the house and shouted "Hi Warner, I'm a bunny-gram!". Do you have any idea what it's like to have every single rich and powerful person in town dressed in black and staring at you, while you're wearing a giant pink rabbit costume to a funeral? Excuse me, I'm just going into the toilet to whimper for a while.