Red Heat (1988)
Jim Belushi: Art Ridzik
Ivan Danko : I have car under control.
Art Ridzik : Yeah, I'm sure they taught you all about cars and the price of insurance at your famous Russian school in Kiev!
Ivan Danko : In socialist countries, insurance not necessary. State pays for everything.
Art Ridzik : Yeah? Well, tell me something, Captain. If you've got such a fucking paradise over there, how come you're up the same creek as we are with heroin and cocaine?
Ivan Danko : Chinese find way. Right after revolution, they round up all drug dealers, all drug addicts, take them to public square, and shoot them in back of head.
Art Ridzik : Ah, it'd never work here. Fucking politicians wouldn't go for it.
Ivan Danko : Shoot them first.
Hooligan : Hey, asshole! You can't park here, this is my spot! I live right up there. So move your piece-of-shit car or give me fifty bucks.
Ivan Danko : I do not understand.
Hooligan : Let me make it real simple, moron. You move your ass or give me fifty, or I take my Pete Rose here and fucking mutilate your car.
Ivan Danko : Do you know Miranda?
Hooligan : Never heard of the bitch.
[Danko punches him unconscious]
Ivan Danko : [in Russian] Hooligani.
[Ridzik comes back]
Art Ridzik : Everything okay?
Ivan Danko : Yes, fine. No problems.
Art Ridzik : What about that sack of shit lying on the sidewalk?
Ivan Danko : He lives here.
Art Ridzik : Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.
Ivan Danko : Soviet Podbyrin, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.
Art Ridzik : Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?
Ivan Danko : Who is Dirty Harry?
Art Ritzik : I'm gonna get us something from all four food groups: hamburgers, french fries, coffee and doughnuts.
Art Ridzik : Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns!
[to a waitress about to freshen his coffee]
Art Ridzik : Look, lady. I just got my coffee the perfect color. It's the only thing I've got going for me tonight.
Ivan Danko : I do not understand this sport.
Art Ridzik : You're not supposed to, it's completely American.
Ivan Danko : We play baseball now in Soviet Union.
Art Ridzik : Are you kidding me? This is our national pastime!
Art Ridzik : Ah, it'd be a hell of a world series though, wouldn't it?
Ivan Danko : We will win.
Ivan Danko : [in Russian] What's this key for?
Viktor Rostavili : [in Russian] Kiss my ass.
Ivan Danko : [to Ridzik, in English] You know what this key open?
Art Ridzik : Looks like a key to a locker to me. Why don't you ask your bud?
Ivan Danko : [hauls Viktor around to face Ridzik] You try.
Art Ridzik : Where-is-the-lock-er-that-this-key-opens?
Viktor Rostavili : [mutters something in Russian]
Art Ridzik : What did he say?
Ivan Danko : He say, "Go and kiss your mother's behind."
[Gallagher laughs. Ridzik stares at Viktor for a moment, then lunges at him]
Art Ridzik : I'm gonna bust that bitch so hard she bounces.
Art Ritzik : Freeze motherfucker!
Art Ridzik : You know this game? It's called chicken, except you're not supposed to play it with buses.
[Ridzik and Danko go to speak with Abdul Elijah in prison]
Art Ridzik : Hey, you, come here. This is Captain Danko. He's come all the way from Russia to speak with your scoutmaster.
Prison Cleanhead : Well, that's nice, but who the fuck are you?
Ivan Danko : These men have no respect of our authority as police officers.
Art Ridzik : No shit.
Art Ridzik : I give up. This whole thing's very Russian.