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John F. Goff,
Cyrano de Bergerac as a boob comedy made by a gay pornographer
"Wimps", another b-sex comedy by the incompetent gay pornographer Chuck Vincent, has a singularly inauspicious opening: a freeze frame of the boyish protagonist's face, while ambient sounds play in the background. This is supposed to be a goofy sex comedy, yet this opening felt chilling! What were they thinking? Oh, they weren't thinking at all? They were just trying to make the movie as quickly as possible, to make money so Vincent could resume his gay porn career?
We then get a sequence of scenes showing young men going through the idiotic hazing rituals required to join their "fraternity". They eat spaghetti while suspended by harnesses from the ceiling, and serve their frat brothers dinner while dressed as French maids.
They also steal underwear from the girls' locker room, where the movie makes with some blink-and-you'll-miss-it full frontal nudity, with four women in the shower.
Why is this shot so fleeting? They paid these women extra to get fully naked. You'd think they'd make sure we got a good look.
What a surprise: there's a men's locker room scene, with a bunch of guys standing around half-naked. At least there's no full frontal male nudity in this scene, like there was in "Hollywood Hot Tubs", another of Vincent's b-movies.
The plot seems to be something to do with nerds tutoring jocks so that they can pass a class they all have to take. I'm not sure what the hazing stuff at the beginning was for.
Then, the jock falls in love with a girl, who isn't impressed by his status as a football hero, so one of the nerds has to help him get the girl. You'll never guess what happens next!
So I guess it's supposed to be like an '80s boob comedy version of Cyrano de Bergerac.
There's a strange scene where the jock and the nerd double dates with the girl they are in love with, and another girl who strips off in the restaurant and crawls under the table, apparently to give the nerd a blowjob. I wasn't sure what to make of this scene.
My interest in the plot of "Wimps" started low and dropped from there. At least it has more plot than "Hollywood Hot Tubs", I guess.
The movie actually tries to be a sweet love story, but it's just far too low-end to get us anywhere near the characters. I was glad it was over.
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