Back to School (1986) Poster

Sam Kinison: Professor Terguson



  • Professor Terguson : You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China?

    Professor Terguson : [rips a desk apart]  Then take the fucking wall apart


    Professor Terguson : brick by brick and nuke them back into the fucking stone age forever? Tell me why! How come? Say it! Say it!

    Thornton Melon : [incensed]  All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a *pussy wimp* to let MacArthur go in there


    Thornton Melon : and blow out those Commie bastards!

    Professor Terguson : Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.

    Thornton Melon : [chuckling to his classmates]  Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what I have no idea.

  • [after a female student answered correctly why America pulled out of Vietnam] 

    Professor Terguson : Is she right? 'Cause I know that's the *popular* version of what went on there. And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was *there*. I wasn't here in a class room, hoping I was right, thinking about it.


    Professor Terguson : I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns that didn't work! Going in there, looking for Charlie, slugging it out with him; While


    Professor Terguson : pussies like you were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, and


    Professor Terguson : listening to the goddamn Beatle albums! Oh! Oh! Oh!

    Thornton Melon : Hey Professor, take it easy. These kids were in grade school at the time, and as for me... I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.

  • Professor Terguson : Come on, this man has been under a lot of pressure.

    [begins screaming and pounding his fist] 

    Professor Terguson : ...Say it!... Say it!... Say it!

    Thornton Melon : The answer is...

    [the answer hits him] 

    Thornton Melon : ... 4?

    Dr. Phillip Barbay : [defeated]  Right.

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