Back to School (1986)
Robert Downey Jr.: Derek Lutz
Player #1 : Hey, Lutz! You know who I am?
Derek : Um, let me see. Uh, protruding supra-orbital ridges.
[the football player picks up Derek by his shirt]
Derek : Small cranium. Uh, 1300 cc brain. Hmmm. Neanderthal Man!
Player #1 : [to Jason] You. I want you to call his mother. You tell her he's never coming home.
Jason Melon : Whoah. Hold it, hold it. You sure you even got the right guy? I mean, look how many people got blue hair these days. You know?
Player #1 : Shut up, meat-head!
Thornton Melon : Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head.
Player #1 : Yeah? Wanna make something of it?
Thornton Melon : Oh, no, no. I never get physical. I just get upset. And when I get upset...
Thornton Melon : [points at Lou] HE gets physical.
[Lou takes a metal napkin holder and crushes it with one hand]
Lou : [stepping up to the player] You got a problem?
Player #1 : No. I haven't got a problem.
Lou : Well, now you do.
[Lou slugs the football player in the stomach, resulting in a full scale bar brawl with the football team]
Derek : [explaining his "anti-pep rally"] Violent ground acquisition games such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war.
Derek : That's Valerie Desmond. Look how tight her ass is today.
Derek : It's this whole stupid capitalist system, you know? It's set up to heap rewards on the advantaged and the aggressive... and to make sure that two regular schmoes like you and me never get a date with girls like Valerie Desmond. I hate the whole bourgeois mentality of this school.
Derek : [at the diving competition] You know what you almost never see? Somebody heckling a diver.
[blows an air horn just as a diver is going into his dive]
Derek : [to Jason, who's sitting there moody with a bottle and sunglasses on] Nice look. What are you going for? The heavy, disassociated artist thing... Oh, it's the deaf thing. Maybe this will cheer you up.
[Derek let's himself fall in front of Jason's seat legs spread]
Thornton Melon : [comes along waving Derek away] Oh, do me! Derek! Get up, will ya?
Thornton Melon : [to Derek] You look like the poster boy for birth control.
Thornton Melon : Jason, it's a party. What's your story? What's the matter? The swim meet? Forget about it. It's history. Come on, will ya? Snap into it!