While taking a holiday in the country with his mother, Dennis hits on a scheme to impress a girl so that she'll go away on a trip with him as his girlfriend. Although he fails to gain any ...
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Alex (Al Pillay) is a disgruntled server at a snobby exclusive restaurant who falls on hard times. Forced to deal with the contempt and disgust of the upper class, Alex and cohorts attempt ... See full summary »
A series of self contained TV films starring performers from London's "Comic Strip" comedy club and their friends. Noted for a high sense of parody of previous films, literature, and generally everyone in sight.
While taking a holiday in the country with his mother, Dennis hits on a scheme to impress a girl so that she'll go away on a trip with him as his girlfriend. Although he fails to gain any interest from the girl, the police take a great interest in his story. From this point on, Dennis digs a deeper hole for himself at every turn.Written by
Simon Rowell <firstname.lastname@example.org>
You've gotta be lucky. But then again, I don't think they'll catch up with me in Sri Lanka.
Because I'll grow a moustache! I could grow a beard, I could... But... I always think people with beards have got something to hide, you know... Have you ever grown a beard, Harvey?
No, nor have I.
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Cuts to the American VHS version are as follows:
A scene showing Dennis walking to the phone box he uses to call Andrea from and rehearsing what he is going to say, including inside the box as he is dialing.
Constable Collins' reply of, "Oh, a pawn," when Commander Robertson is studying the map at the police station and says, "Dennis Carter is just a pawn."
When Commander Robertson is in the cell with Dennis, he wipes the vampire make-up off his face. In the original version, he flushes the paper he used down the toilet, and Dennis tells him he thinks there's been some mistake "er, Inspector".
Most of the scene where Dennis, Harvey and Lesley leave the police station for Hope Cove, including Dennis examining the Jaguar in delight and Commander Robertson trying to convince a reluctant Harvey to believe his story. There is also a scene where Harvey and Lesley swap seats at Dennis' request.
After exiting the motorway to take "the pretty route", Dennis fiddles with the car radio trying to tune into Radio Basingstoke. Meanwhile, Lesley stares reflectively out of her window. This version takes the dialogue from the scene several minutes later, of Lesley stating, "I think we should get to know each other a bit better, don't you?" and overlays it on the shot of the Jaguar passing a field with standing stones, leading into their subsequent discussion (and completely skipping this scene and the next). Originally, this shot was without dialogue and leads into Dennis playing with the radio.
Immediately following, an entire scene showing Dennis buying a new jacket and some tapes in a village en route to Hope Cove. Harvey and Lesley think he makes a break for it when he disappears to another store for the jacket.
The motorcycle policeman gives the Jaguar a salute after letting it go on its way, stating, "Bon voyage."
A whole scene where Harvey and Dennis walk down to a phone box near the hotel. Dennis tells Harvey that the drug-runners will leave a message for him there, but when Harvey suggests maybe he should leave on for them, he says he can't do that and can only leave chalk marks. They then go to a store to buy the chalk.
Immediately following is a scene where Lesley is getting ready for dinner. She leaves the room and locks the door, and is startled when she finds Harvey standing in the hall behind her. She tells him that he gave her a shock, but he only stares at her in response.
After Troy arrives, the beginning of the beach scene is missing. Dennis pampers Lesley and keeps shouting her name as "Andrea". Harvey suggests he go and check the phone box, but when he does he simply stands inside for a few seconds then returns and says there was nothing. It then picks up to where he offers them champagne.
Another scene in the phone box after Lesley and Dennis disappear to look for the submarine nest. Harvey rings Commander Robertson and tells him this is all a "wild goose chase", and that Dennis is spending money like water. Commander Robertson tells him not to be a wet blanket and to stick it out for a few more days, as something might turn up.
Troy walks onto the beach and sits down near the children, taking his bottle out of the bag.
A scene at the bed and breakfast following Lesley and Dennis having sex; the landlady is practicing opera when she hears something outside her door. She picks up a hammer and carefully opens it to find Troy there. He complains that the sheets are damp and that there is no hot water. She assures him that everything will be fine in the morning.
After the hidden chamber is found under the beach, Harvey again rings Commander Robertson. The VHS cuts his line of, "No, Troy's already here", and the part where he says goodbye and hangs up, then checks the box for a message. In its place is a shot of him hanging up from later in the film as Gunter and Wong (back in costume) head to the pub for a drink. This is part of a large scene later on that is also missing.
Following on from that is a scene where Dennis is in the shower. This version simply shows him getting out and drying himself, but originally he stands in the shower listening to Harvey and Troy talking in the next room.
A scene where Lesley watches Dennis on the beach through binoculars from her balcony. Harvey also takes a photo of her from inside without her knowledge.
The end of the following scene with Gunter and Wong; in this version, it finishes after Wong says, "Yeah, well you've never worn silk stockings before, have you?" Originally, it continues with Gunter demanding that if Wong is coming out of the closet, he wants it out in the open now. Wong insists he is not gay, and that he likes suspenders no matter who's wearing them. "You'd be like that too if you were inside," he says. Gunter hopes the drugs arrive soon or they'll both end up "as bent as nine-bob notes." Wong agrees that they've been under pressure, and suggests they go to the pub for a drink.
An entire scene with Harvey, Lesley and Dennis in the pub. This starts with Harvey again in the phone box (the footage taken and used earlier) and following Gunter and Wong inside. Wong orders drinks for himself and his "little rocket" (still in costume), while Dennis worries about what is happening. Lesley says that wouldn't sound good in court, and he'll end up "like the rest of them" if he's not careful. Harvey brings over a round of drinks and asks Dennis what he wants to do tonight. When Dennis suggests he'll just turn in and goes to leave, Lesley stops him and pulls him back down, saying "not yet." We then see Gunter in the ladies room trying to freshen up as Lesley comes out of the toilet. He tells her that it's "awful being a woman, isn't it?" When she asks what he means, he says, "having to sit down for a piss." She then asks where his children are tonight, raising his suspicions. He replies that they were put to bed early, and then asks her about that "young man" of hers. Lesley is immediately wary. Gunter wonders if they're married. When Lesley says no, Gunter is relieved. "You can take it from me, dear - marriage is hell!"
Dennis then steps outside into the rain, the only shot from this scene still intact. Following that is a scene with Gunter and Lesley returning to the bar. He tells Lesley that the worst thing about being married is when "they get crabs, and then pass it onto you and pretend that you got it first. That hurts, love." Lesley asks how long they've been married. Gunter starts at this and quickly asks Wong the same question.
A scene where Dennis walks to the toilet block.
A shot before the truth game in which Harvey places an ice pack on Dennis' back. There is a large bruise from the king-hit Troy gave him.
An extended shot of Troy walking down the street towards the beach after leaving the bed and breakfast with his viola case.
An extended shot of Gunter and Wong lighting a cigarette in their truck as they head away from Hope Cove.
I recall seeing this in 1985 with friends and we were all disappointed - because our expectations were too high. It's not a laugh a minute, but more of a study in black humour.
Having re-seen it 34 years (eek) later it was more enjoyable.
FYI - It is available on DVD hidden away in 'the Comic Strip Presents' box set.
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