Phoebe Cates: Kate Beringer
Kate Beringer : Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.
Billy Peltzer : What are you talking about?
Kate Beringer : The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
Kate Beringer : You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper.
Ruby Deagle : [DELETED SCENE: Mrs. Deagle enters the bank and shoves her way through a long line to Kate's teller-cage] I want this check deposited immediately. Also, I know everything about that little petition you've been sending around town.
Kate Beringer : Mrs. Deagle, are you sure this is the time or the place for...?
Ruby Deagle : Of course it is. I *always* mix business with pleasure. And it gives me *great* pleasure to inform you that said petition has failed. Moreover, as a direct result of your efforts, I'm foreclosing *your* home as well. I'm sure that really shocks you doesn't it? Good.
Kate Beringer : On the contrary, Mrs. Deagle, it doesn't surprise me at all. Actually, it's just the sort of Christmas present I can see you giving.
Ruby Deagle : I'll thank you not to be impertinent, young lady.
Kate Beringer : And *I'll* thank YOU, in the name of the Holiday Season, to show an ounce of decency to these families you're ruining. Most of them can't afford to move, and even the ones who can really don't have anywhere to go. Isn't there anything at all I can say or do to change your mind about destroying all those good people?
Ruby Deagle : [smiling wickedly] You've got three chances of making me reconsider this Hitox deal: none, less than none, and much less than none. Now, if you'll kindly deposit this check, I'll be on my way.
Billy Peltzer : [Sickened by all of this, Billy produces a broom from underneath his own teller-cage. He passes it to the miserly lady] Merry Christmas, Mrs. Deagle.
Ruby Deagle : What's this?
Billy Peltzer : It's your Holiday present from me.
Ruby Deagle : This crummy old broom? What am I supposed to do with it?
Billy Peltzer : I thought you might need a ride home.
[Mrs. Deagle gasps in outrage, as the other customers behind her chuckle. She whirls and glares at them, then whirls back and glares at Billy again]
Billy Peltzer : ... We could have asked that you move to the back of the line and wait your turn like everyone else, but we didn't want to be rude to you - or worse than rude to them.
Gerald : [rushing up with Mr. Corben close behind] What's going on here?
[doesn't wait for an answer]
Gerald : Shut up, Peltzer; I'm asking her, not you. Is there a problem, Mrs. Deagle?
Ruby Deagle : This young man just asked that I *move to the back of the line and wait my turn like everybody else*! Of all the...!
Gerald : [Mr. Corben and Gerald both turn pale] Peltzer, how dare you! You're...!
Mr. Corben : *Gerald*! This is official.
Gerald : But *I* wanted to...!
Mr. Corben : [sternly cutting him off] Gerald. I'm not going to tell you again.
[turns back to Billy]
Mr. Corben : Peltzer, how dare you! You're fired!
Billy Peltzer : [removing his name tag] Thanks, Roland.
Mr. Corben : [furious] *Roland*?
Billy Peltzer : That's the best present you and Ger have ever given me.
[drops the name tag on the floor, then spins on his heel and walks out cheerfully]
Mr. Corben : ...Well, what are you standing around for? Pick that up!
Gerald : [to Kate] You heard him. Pick it up. Now.
[Instead, she removes her own name tag and drops it on the floor as well]
Kate Beringer : Pick them up yourself, Ger. I quit.
[walks out after Billy]
Mr. Corben : ...You heard her, Hopkins. Pick those off the floor. Immediately.
Gerald : *Me*? Since when do *I* get other people's dirty work?
Mr. Corben : [cold and deadly] When nobody else is there to do the dirty work, as you call it, the JVP becomes JAL - that is, Just Another Lackey. Now start earning that salary I'm paying you, before I *really* blow my top and demonstrate just how rotten I *can* be. If you thought I was a schmuck with those other two...!
[Very unwillingly, Gerald picks both name tags off the floor. Then he goes to assist the long line of customers - all by himself - while Corben strolls whistling back to his office]
Murray Futterman : [drunk, looking inside his car] Gremlins...
Murray Futterman : [turning to Billy and Kate] You got-you gotta watch out for them forgeiners cuz they plant gremlins in their machinery.
[he climbs inside the car]
Murray Futterman : It's the same gremlins that brought down our planes in the big one.
Kate Beringer : [laughing] The big one...
Murray Futterman : [turning round] that's right! World war two.
[he puts his hand to his head]
Murray Futterman : Good old WWII.
Murray Futterman : [Murray tries to start his car] Y'know their still shippin them over here. They put em in cars, they put em in yer tv. They put em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!