A Slightly Pregnant Man (1973)
Conseiller: Does he still believe in the tooth fairy?
Irène de Fontenoy: Yes. The tooth fairy, Santa, all that stuff.
Conseiller: I think brainwashing them like that is just ridiculous.
Clarisse de Saint-Clair, une cliente du salon: I agree. Filling kids' heads with stories about fairies, Santa, and God will turn them into nothing but half-wits.
Conseiller: I agree about the fairies and Santa, but not God. God exists, my dear.
Clarisse de Saint-Clair, une cliente du salon: That's a good one! You hear that Irène?
Irène de Fontenoy: I believe in it all. Everything astonishes me.
Clarisse de Saint-Clair, une cliente du salon: You're that gullible?
Irène de Fontenoy: I'm still a little girl inside.
Marco Mazetti: Never leave your foot on the clutch. How many times have I told you? Why grip the wheel so tightly? No one's going to steal it.
Mlle Janvier: Then why call it a "stealing" wheel?
Marco Mazetti: Enough joking.
Irène de Fontenoy: How are things going, Clarisse?
Clarisse de Saint-Clair, une cliente du salon: Terrible. How could they go? And where would they go anyway?
Irène de Fontenoy: My sweetheart.
Marco Mazetti: Mia topolina.
Irène de Fontenoy: What's that?
Marco Mazetti: Like a little rat.
Irène de Fontenoy: I'm a rat?
Marco Mazetti: I don't know the French word.
Irène de Fontenoy: Good excuse!
Emcee: She has sunshine in her eyes and voice like blue skies. For Mireille Mathieu, all rise!
Mireille Mathieu: [singing] My Paris, I no longer recognize you, Paris, You've been attacked, Your Seine is polluted, Your riverbanks are now highways, In days gone by, Every street corner sang, Paris, Your parks bloomed, Your passers-by smiled, Your lovers were in love, my Paris...
Dr. Delavigne: You're not married?
Marco Mazetti: No. Well, yes and no.
Dr. Delavigne: Yes and no?
Marco Mazetti: I was married before. Irène and I are engaged.
Dr. Delavigne: So, you're not married, and no kids.
Marco Mazetti: Yes. Yes, we have a little boy. I wasn't divorced when I met Irène, and -...
Dr. Delavigne: A classic case.
Dr. Delavigne: You're swollen up - and bloated - as if you are with child.
Marco Mazetti: Excuse me?
Dr. Delavigne: Yes. You're swollen up like you were four months pregnant.
Marco Mazetti: Then it's not serious.
Dr. Delavigne: No, but it's still puzzling in a man.
Marco Mazetti: I understand, but besides that, I'm fine?
Dr. Delavigne: You're in great shape. Still, I'd like you to see a friend of mine, a gynecologist.
Irène de Fontenoy: Strawberries! My love, strawberries in February - what madness! They're delicious. I craved strawberries when I was pregnant with Lucas, remember?
Irène de Fontenoy: You mean it's true?
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Yes, Madame. Your husband is pregnant.
Irène de Fontenoy: Pregnant? By whom?
Dr. Delavigne: By you, dear lady.
Irène de Fontenoy: That can't be true. Not by me. I'm gullible, but not that gullible
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: It's true. Your husband is perfectly normal.
Dr. Delavigne: He's not a homosexual.
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Please, Dr. Delavigne. You know that homosexuals can't have children. Only a man and a woman can. In the case at hand it's simply a reversal, or rather, a transferal.
Irène de Fontenoy: I must be going mad!
Marco Mazetti: What about me? I'm the one having the baby!
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: You know what our worst enemy is? Our food. The shamelessly adulterated food we ingest daily. Daily absorption of these artificial products leads in the long term to a total transformation of our organism.
Dr. Delavigne: The famous "hormone-fed chickens" theory.
Irène de Fontenoy: Good God!
Marco Mazetti: I'm pregnant.
Lucien Soumain: I didn't know that could happen to men.
Marco Mazetti: It's new.
Lucien Soumain: You got shafted?
Marco Mazetti: You want a punch in the nose? It's caused by food.
Lucien Soumain: What did you eat?
Marco Mazetti: Chicken, but it's more than that. It's food in general. We eat tons of junk and we end up with a bun in the oven. It could happen to you or any other guy.
Lucien Soumain: There goes my appetite. I'll never eat again.
Une cliente du salon: If men start having children, the pill will be sold everywhere.
Janine, une coiffeuse: There'll be abortions on demand.
Irène de Fontenoy: No industrialist would abandon his factory for two months. He'd get an abortion.
Une cliente du salon: And no jail!
Leboeuf, le marchand de télévisions: Imagine me like that! How would I install antennas with a huge belly?
Monique: It doesn't stop us women from working.
Leboeuf, le marchand de télévisions: Not on the streets maybe, but climbing on roofs, yes.
Monique: Don't be so vulgar.
Irène de Fontenoy: Dad and I have wonderful news. You're going to have a little brother or sister.
Lucas: You're not even fat.
Irène de Fontenoy: That's because this time, Daddy's going to have the baby. What do you think of that?
Lucas: I don't care who has it, but you told me it was women who got fat.
Marco Mazetti: That was before. Now it's going to change.
Lucas: Because of woman's lib?
Irène de Fontenoy: No, not really. Men have decided to give women a hand.
Lucas: Did you put the little seed inside Dad?
Marco Mazetti: Well, we don't really know.
Lucas: Is it a new process?
Marco Mazetti: Something like that.
Dr. Delavigne: It is indeed nothing less than a revolution. We've spoken of it for ages and it's finally happened. And it's far from over, believe me.
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: It's an evolution. A revolution for the species. The birth of a new man.
Dr. Delavigne: Finally!
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Men facing new responsibilities...
Dr. Delavigne: Just like snails.
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Snails have nothing to do with it.
Irène de Fontenoy: We were just discussing that at the salon and we all agreed. Man will finally be equal to woman, able to do everything she can. It's a great relief for us.
Marco Mazetti: Tell me who called.
Irène de Fontenoy: Playboy! Playboy called three times about a four-page color spread.
Marco Mazetti: With you?
Irène de Fontenoy: Why me? You're the one they're interested in.
Marco Mazetti: I think it's moving.
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Of course it's moving. You just weren't paying attention before. We men are less attentive to these tiny signs of affection, while women are constantly on the lookout. They react to the very first kick. They're more sensitive.
Marco Mazetti: I'd be fine if I didn't have these anxiety attacks. I'm afraid I'll give birth to a monster. Once I dreamed it was a chicken. Another time, a fish. But, don't tell Irène. She might worry.
Gérard Chaumont de Latour: Who doesn't feel nervous in a world like ours, my friend? The man who gives birth will be a better man, because he'll finally understand what it means to create.
Un copain de Ginou: When Ginou said she knew you, I wanted to meet you.
Ginou: It's his dream.
Irène de Fontenoy: I understand.
Un copain de Ginou: It's wild. You must feel like you're becoming a girl.
Marco Mazetti: Not really.
Irène de Fontenoy: So you'd like to change sex?
Un copain de Ginou: We all have our little fantasies.