Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) Poster

Peter Lorre: Dr. Einstein



  • [discussing the body count] 

    Dr. Einstein : You got twelve, they got twelve.

    [angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie] 

    Jonathan Brewster : I've got thirteen!

    Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag.

    Jonathan Brewster : Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...

    Dr. Einstein : Phoenix?

    Jonathan Brewster : The filling station...

    Dr. Einstein : Filling station? Oh!

    [slits throat] 

    Dr. Einstein : Yes.

    Jonathan Brewster : Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.

    Dr. Einstein : You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!

    Jonathan Brewster : He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!

    Dr. Einstein : No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

  • Jonathan Brewster : [pulling on surgical gloves]  And now doctor... we go to work!

    Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!

    Jonathan Brewster : Pull yourself together, doctor!

    Dr. Einstein : I cannot pull myself together without a drink!

  • Dr. Einstein : Where am I? Oh, here I am.

  • Teddy Brewster : [showing Einstein a photo]  This is the picture I was telling you about, General. Here we are, both of us. President Roosevelt and General Goethals. That's me, General, and that's you.

    Dr. Einstein : My how I've changed.

  • Dr. Einstein : You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens?

    Jonathan Brewster : We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!

  • Martha Brewster : Are you leaving, Doctor?

    Dr. Einstein : Yes, please.

  • Dr. Einstein : At least people in plays act like they've got sense.

    Mortimer Brewster : Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?

    Dr. Einstein : [agonizing]  How can somebody be so stupid!

  • [after listening to Mortimer's description of a character in a play] 

    Dr. Einstein : You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.

  • Jonathan Brewster : Tonight, we are taking care of Mortimer.

    Dr. Einstein : But, Johnny, not tonight. I'm sleepy. We'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.

    Jonathan Brewster : Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done, can't you?

    Dr. Einstein : Yeah, I know that look.

    Jonathan Brewster : It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.

    Dr. Einstein : Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London.

    Jonathan Brewster : No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.

    Dr. Einstein : [cringing]  No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!

  • Dr. Einstein : Alright, Mr. President, we go to Panama.

    Teddy Brewster : Bully, bully! Follow me, General. It's down south, you know.

    Dr. Einstein : [hat falling across his eyes]  Well, Bon voyage!

  • Dr. Einstein : [to Mortimer]  Look, when Johnny's in that mood, he's a madman! He's a maniac! And then things happen. Horrible things...

    [draws finger across throat] 

  • Dr. Einstein : [to Jonathon]  We got a hot stiff on our hands!

See also

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