My Favorite Wife (1940)
Irene Dunne: Ellen Wagstaff Arden
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Oh, you Casanova, you.
[Ellen speaking with her children, whom she hasn't seen since they were babies]
Chinch : Are you a lady or a man?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Well, I used to be a lady...
Tim : Are ya a sailor?
Chinch : A lady sailor?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Well...
Tim : My mother was practically a sailor - she went down in a shipwreck.
Chinch : Oh, he's always boasting.
Hotel clerk : [as Nick and Ellen approach the front desk of the hotel] Yes?
Nick Arden : I'd like to have another room.
Hotel clerk : [surprised, due to the fact that Mr. Arden just booked another room with another woman - his wife] Hmm?...
[looks around while contemplating the seemingly odd situation]
Hotel clerk : Why certainly sir.
Nick Arden : Ah, thank you very much. Uh, is uh, is Suite A available?
Hotel clerk : Suite A?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Yes, Suite A.
Hotel clerk : [dings the bell] Franz, Suite A. Uh, have you any luggage Miss uh...
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Oh yes I have, a ticket right here - if you'll just sign for it. It's at the airport.
Nick Arden : Airport.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Thank you.
Nick Arden : Very much.
Hotel clerk : [in slight disbelief to the other hotel clerk after the couple walks away] What a man.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [after being confronted by Nick about her seemingly sketchy 7 year disappearance and absence while shipwrecked with another man] It just occurs to me that I ought to feel insulted. I go through 7 years of agony. I come home to find my husband in the arms of another woman - married! My children don't know me. And all my husband can think of is did I carry on with some poor man who wouldn't hurt a fly.
Nick Arden : Oh now, just a moment.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : You 'just a moment'! Did you tell her?
[referring to Bianca]
Nick Arden : Hmm?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : 'Hmm'? Did you?
Nick Arden : Well...
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : No, ya got into costume.
[referring to his garish tiger print robe]
Nick Arden : I was about to tell her when...
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : How long does it take to tell a woman 'my wife's come back'? I can say it in 2 seconds: 'my wife's come back'. You've had 2 days.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Timmy's just like you: obstinate, jealous, but adorable.
Nick Arden : Mm, mmhmm.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : I feel sorry for the woman who marries him.
Nick Arden : Why?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Cause he's a heartbreaker just like you.
Nick Arden : Go on, I'm one of the most faithful husbands that ever lived.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Mm, with a wife in every room.
Judge Walter Bryson : [referring to Mr. Mulligan in the Mulligan vs. Mulligan-Benson case that Nick is using as a parallel example to his own situation] Well don't stand there gawking, what did he do?
Nick Arden : He died suddenly of cirrhosis of the liver.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : A-and they never did find out whether he slept with his beard under the covers or over the covers.
Judge Walter Bryson : Now that'll cost you $25.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Just for a nice old joke?
Judge Walter Bryson : You heard me - $25.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [in a proudly funny manner] Oh you can't do that Your Honor, I'm legally dead. You think it's nice to take money from a corpse?
Judge Walter Bryson : Now that'll cost you $25 more. That's 50 you owe me.
[to the court clerk]
Judge Walter Bryson : You keeping track of this?
Court Clerk Beside Judge Bryson : Mm, uh yes.
Judge Walter Bryson : See that you do.
Nick Arden : But she is legally dead Your Honor. You declared her legally dead yourself in this very courtroom; your decision is on file.
Judge Walter Bryson : Did I do that?
Court Clerk Beside Judge Bryson : Yes, yes you did Your Honor.
Judge Walter Bryson : I did? Well I'm going to declare her legally alive, then she can pay me that $50. Will someone swear she's a live woman?
Stephen Burkett : [happily] I'll say she is Your Honor.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [trying to help Nick stop his nosebleed] Oh hold your head back, way back.
[Nick's head bumps over the water pitcher and it spills all over the judge, the Bench, and the case brief papers]
Judge Walter Bryson : [extremely irritated] Doh! Now there's a mess.
[the court clerk quickly fusses with the mess]
Judge Walter Bryson : Oh, never mind that. I uh-uh-can't read a wet brief. You know what... where's that thing?...
[slams his hands down twice in frustration]
Judge Walter Bryson : *Court's adjourned*! Harvard man.
[leaves the Bench and the scene splices to the next scene]
Nick Arden : [referring to breaking the news to their kids that Ellen is their mother] Well you don't want to give them a shock. At their age the mind is a pretty sensitive instrument. We don't know what it's all about when we're that young.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [sarcastically] No but we do when we grow up, don't we.
Nick Arden : Sure, with maturity the mind can withstand anything... *practically* anything.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [abruptly cutting Nick off and giving him the cold shoulder as she kicks back into 'playing hard to get', even though she actually wants him back] What about the *spare* tire?
Nick Arden : Uh... no air.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Do you want to phone the garage?
Nick Arden : Oh, can't: uh, the wires are down. You see, there's been a landslide. The road is blocked. Probably won't be able to use the phone until morning.
[just then the phone rings, making him look silly]
Nick Arden : It's fixed.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [answering the phone] Hello?
Ma : Oh hello, Ellen? Ellen I have some good news for you: there was a call from Judge Bryson's office. They said that Nicky's annulment has been filed, and that you've been declared legally alive,
[slightly puzzled at the last part]
Ma : and you owe him $50. Aha, so, you and Nicky are husband and wife again - you can just pick up where you left off.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Goodbye.
Nick Arden : Who was that?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [in a last lying effort to 'play hard to get'] They just phoned to say uh, the road is open.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [nervously attempting to break the ice and prepare them for the news that she is actually their mother] Listen, suppose your mother didn't drown. Suppose she came back.
Tim : You mean like a miracle?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Yes. Suppose she were right here in
[Chinch starts to laugh and Scotty motions to her to shush]
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : ... what would you... look here, you know don't you.
Tim : Sure.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Aha.
[excited and warmly overjoyed]
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Well...
Tim : [endearingly shakes her hand] How do you do, mother.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : How do you do.
Chinch : [endearingly courtesies] How do you do.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Well uh, don't you think uh... it's about time somebody started kissing somebody?
[joyously embraces with Chinch and Tim]
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : How did you find out? Go on, tell me, go on. Ahahahaha.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : [after fumbling around in the attic of their mountain cabin where he's supposed to sleep, he comes down to Ellen's bedroom and enters dressed in the Santa Claus outfit that was stored away upstairs] Ohoho, Nick.
Nick Arden : Merry Christmas.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Merry Christmas.
[she laughs merrily and he approaches her as the final scene fades out, signifying that they have lovingly reconciled as husband and wife]
Stephen Burkett : [re-entering the courtroom and playing along with Ellen's verbal ploy to make Nick jealous and come back to her] Well Ellen, see ya at the boat - 9:00.
Judge Walter Bryson : [from the Bench] What boat?
Stephen Burkett : You see Your Honor, we're not interested in manmade laws. But there's a law of the jungle: when a man finds his mate, he doesn't have to
[looks condescendingly at Nick]
Stephen Burkett : think it out.
[pretendingly romantically to Ellen]
Stephen Burkett : Goodbye Eve, until tomorrow.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve : Goodbye Adam.
Stephen Burkett : Just a moment.
Stephen Burkett : And it's alright with me if you bring the kiddies.
[leaves the courtroom]
Judge Walter Bryson : [appalled at the strangeness of it all] Kiddies? Well in all my experience on the Bench I have ne-...
[continues finishing the case]