George Lancaster: Love is the illusion that one woman differs from another.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Last line] Show me. Tony, dear, hit me again.
Newspaper Column: What well-known lawyer just secured a divorce for a well-known woman - just married that well-known wife?
George Lancaster: Bridge is a great way to kill time... if you prefer it dead.
Anita 'Nita': A good sock in the eye is something every woman needs... at least once in her life.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: If he really loved me, he'd have hit me long ago.
Anita 'Nita': I don't mind strange beds at all.
Tony: If I'm not mistaken, it's a preference - that led to your recent divorce.
Anita 'Nita': Yes, darling. And now it's going to lead to yours.
Vernon: What's the matter?
Anita 'Nita': Battle, murder and sudden death.
George Lancaster: Oh, these young couples - the conflict of sex!
Vernon: Did he, eh, ever hit you before?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: No. But, he's thrown things.
Vernon: [Disbelievingly] No.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Yes!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, a couple of nights ago he threw a slipper at me - one of mine, with heels. I still have the bruise - on my leg. I'll show you.
[Starts to lift up her dress]
Vernon: Well, eh, I'll take your word for that.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't you want to see my bruise.
[Seductively, bats her eyelashes]
Vernon: Vicki, you're really through with Tony?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, absolutely. I'm not going to have people say "poor little thing her husband beats her".
Anita 'Nita': Oh, don't be so tragic, Tony, what's a little divorce?
Tony: It's the end of everything.
Anita 'Nita': Oh, don't be silly. Its no more serious than tonsils.
Vernon: If you spend the night here, you will be presumed, by the court, to have resumed relations with this, eh, person, with full knowledge of the offense and 'bang' goes your divorce.
Tony: Let it go 'bang', Vicki.
Anita 'Nita': Good night.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, eh, there's a pink negligee in the closet. Its brand new and awfully cute!
Anita 'Nita': Sounds exciting!
Vernon: My client, your honor, asks for absolute divorce, on the grounds of extreme and intolerable cruelty. The plaintiff, as your honor can see, is a tiny, little woman. Little, more than a child. And she was the victim of a wonton, brutal, unprovoked assault by her husband - a man who weighs 183 pounds in his socks.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Stripped!
Vernon: Tell, his honor, of the slipper incident.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, yes. Well, there was another night, we were just going to bed - so I didn't have much on - again he lost his temper. He threw a high heel slipper, so hard, that I had a bruise for days. Right here.
[Points to her upper thigh]
Vernon: How large was the bruise?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't you remember? I showed it to you.
Tony: [Picks up a pair of lady's silk stockings from his dressing table] Tilford... Where did these come from?
Tilford - Tony's Butler: They were clutched in your hand when you came home last night, sir.
Tony: Was I very drunk, Tilford?
Tilford - Tony's Butler: Pretty well tanked, sir.
Tony: What are you here for, anyway?
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Well, you asked me to lunch and dinner.
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: And here I am.
Tony: Doesn't your husband ever take you to lunch?
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Don't be horrid. Bill's out-of-town, anyway.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Vicki wearing a backless dress. In walks Tony and Nita] There are two beastly hooks here I can't fix.
[Nita tries to help]
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Well, Tony, come here and let me see you.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, your hands are just like ice. Tony, you do it for me. Aren't you going to kiss me? It's all right, you know.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: His hands are always so nice and warm.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Thanks. You've always been a great hooker-upper.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, Tony, you used to like me in black. Everything had to be black. Nighties, under clothes, and everything! Remember?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Tony, you're a beast!
Tony: I know, that's why you divorced me; because of my beastly little treatment of you.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't, Tony!
Tony: The trouble was, I had the wrong technique. I've been going to the movies quite a lot recently and there the girls are quite different. They get kicked around and pushed in the face, with grapefruit and they love it!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Opening up a candy box] Mmmm. Everything looks so good, I could never make up my mind.
Tony: Always your failing.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, I thought this was going to be a Brazil nut and it isn't. Here, you finish it.
Tony: Not me.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why not? You used to like finishing my candy.
George Lancaster: I was just thinking, what a lot of interesting things one would see if ceilings were made of glass.
Vernon: VIcki, look. Look! That darn fool girl's got this cuff button in wrong!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Now, stop raving and I'll fix it for you.
Tony: Good, ole Edna. She always used to get 'em in cockeyed for me, too!
Vernon: You don't have to remind me that we also share the same maid.
Vernon: What shall I do?
Tony: I'll tell you what I'd do, smash that door. Kick it down! Grab hold of her and kiss her until she's black-and-blue and if she wouldn't let me, I'd roll up my sleeves and beat the daylights outta her! And why the devil I'm giving you the advice I was too much of a sap to take myself, is more than I can figure!
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Where do we go from here, Tony?
Tony: Make me a proposition.
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Can't we go somewhere where it's less crowded? Less noisy?
Tony: Meaning you'd like to come home with me?
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Why not?
Tony: I feel I should stay and do a little serious drinking.
George Lancaster: I credit my excellent digestion to the fact that I never got married.
Tilford - Tony's Butler: Pardon me, madame, but, did you have an appointment with Mr. Wallace?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, does Mr. Wallace usually see, eh, ladies by appointment at this hour?
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Who was that?
Tony: Vernon. It appears that my - his - our wife ran away. He seems to think she might be here.
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: How fascinating. Would that be so very wrong if she were?
Tony: Oh, yes, in deed. In marriage when you leave before the final curtain, you get no rain checks or other privileges.
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Well, then, kiss me.
Tony: You have a one track mind. Let's get drunk, shall we?
Tony: Aren't you afraid that I'll start kicking you around, with my reputation?
Mrs. Bonnie Durham: [Leans in] Well, I wish you'd start something.
Tony: Well, don't embarrass me. I'll get around to - something.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Hello, Tony.
Tony: Well, I'll be! What the devil are you doing here?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I've been here a long time. I was in your bedroom.
Tony: Vernon's been telephoning like a mad man.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Yes, I know, I left him. I ran away!
Tony: I ought to break your neck.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why don't you? I deserve it. I heard what you said to Vernon.
[Leans in and smiles]
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why don't you?
Tony: No, his job, not mine.
Tony: Go back to your husband.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I have come back to him.
Tony: Oh, no. You can't commute between husbands.
Edna - Vicki's Maid: [Interrupting the bridge game, addressing Mrs. Wallace] Mr. Thorpe is wanted on the telephone, ma'am.
Vernon: For me?... Thank you.
Vernon: [politely excusing himself from the table] Courtesy of the table.
Tony: [gruffly] What?
Vernon: I said, "The courtesy of the table."
Tony: [snarkily] Okay... What do you want, a salute of 21 guns?
Tony: Vicki, this flow of humor is just a little more than I can bear!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, now don't be irritable, precious.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [to Anita] He thinks he looks very dignified, but he's not a bit, really.
Tony: [getting very annoyed] Vicki, cut it out!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Well, darling, you *are* irritable!
Tony: Well, who wouldn't be? You make me absolutely impotent with rage!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [mockingly] You mean, "diced carrots"? Ha ha ha...
Tony: [abruptly gets up and slaps her across the face, knocking the bridge table over] Oh, Vicki, I'm *terribly* sorry!
George Lancaster: [Hears the commotion, comes rushing back into the room] What's the matter? What happened!
Anita 'Nita': He hit her.
George Lancaster: On the level?
Anita 'Nita': On the nose, I think.
[George gives out a whistle]
Tony: [Trying to apologize for having slapped her] Vicki, darling, please forgive me... I'm terribly sorry.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: For heaven's sake, don't start to weep all over me.
Tony: Oh, I'm terribly sorry...
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: It's a little too late for that. I'm through.
Tony: Oh, Vicki...
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I'm sorry, Tony. I've made up my mind.
Tony: Oh, you're kidding!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: No, it's all over. I *won't* live with a man that hits me.
Tony: Oh, Vicki, you can't. You know I love you. You know I'm crazy about you...
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, yes! And you're *so* demonstrative!
Vernon: Vicki, you're really through with Tony?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, absolutely. I'm not gonna' have people say, "Poor little thing, her husband beats her." Could you handle it for me?
Vernon: [slightly taken aback] You wish to retain me as your lawyer?
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, now don't use big legal nasty phrases like "retain." I want a nice quiet divorce, in words of not more than two syllables.
Vernon: [primly] It will be final - in plain English.
George Lancaster: [Offering a bowl of pretzels to Tony] Have a pretzel. Good for ya' - roughage.
George Lancaster: [regarding Tony] Well, what's gnawing at *his* vitals?
Anita 'Nita': Oh, nothing, George. They've had a little spat.
George Lancaster: Mm-hmm. The trouble with "spats" is, they come in pairs.
[proceeds to laugh at his little joke]
Vernon: I'm in a very curious position. Vicki wants a divorce. She wants me to take the case.
Tony: [dismissively] She hasn't got a case.
Vernon: You struck her. That was a cowardly, brutal thing to do. A defenseless, helpless little woman.
Tony: [laughs] Ha! You're talking to her husband, not the jury!
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Tony has angrily walked out, slamming the door shut behind him] I wish people wouldn't bang doors. It sounds so final.
Tony: I feel an awful ass calling on Vicki with flowers and candy. Seems sort of silly.
Tony: [Edna walks by, giving Tony a knowing look] I never liked that woman. Never did. When she opened the door just now, she sort of smirked at me. You know, "Somebody else in your shoes now, you poor fish."
Anita 'Nita': Edna's a treasure. Vicki would never give *her* the air.
Tony: *I* was a treasure once.
Anita 'Nita': *Edna* never hit her.
Tony: [giving Vicki gifts of flowers and candies] Here, I, uh, I brought these.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why, Tony! You never used to bring me flowers before we were divorced. And candy, too! How nice!
Tony: [leaves the room to call out for George] George, George!
George Lancaster: What do you want?
Tony: You win!
George Lancaster: [laughs mockingly] Ah, ha ha ha ha!
Anita 'Nita': [Tony goes back to the room with Anita and Vicki] Well, what *does* he win, and why?
Tony: He won just a little bet - 25 bucks.
Anita 'Nita': Don't be so mysterious.
Tony: Well... I asked George, "Should I bring flowers." And he said, "You never used to take her flowers." And I said, "No." And he said, "Well, I wouldn't. She'll only make some crack about when you were married." And I said, "Oh, no, she wouldn't be so tactless!" And so we had a little bet about it... and you said it, and I lost.
Anita 'Nita': It was rather tactless at that.
Vicki Wallace Thorpe: If you had an ounce of tact you'd have left five minutes ago to powder your nose!