Better than I expected but far from good (possible spoiler)
16 July 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Slick but pointless remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn't the complete disaster I expected--the movie is extremely well-shot, R Lee Ermey is hilarious and Jessica Biel certainly is attractive running around in shorts and a skin-tight T.

Unfortunately there isn't much suspense and the characters are generally so stupid and unlikable that it's hard to have any rooting interest in what's happening. I would have to say the low point in terms of character sympathy comes when the "teens" give R Lee the gun a female hitchhiker had used to blow her brains out in their van and he put the gun in his empty ankle holster. I don't know about you but that would have been a clear sign to me that something was wrong and I would have gotten out of there as quickly as humanly possible. But the characters in the movie don't make any connection between the police officer and their suicidal passenger until much later. Characters that stupid are just impossible to care about.

The demented family gathering around the dinner table trying to get the old man to off Marilyn Burns with a slaughterhouse hammer is still one of the most intensely creepy and uncomfortably funny sequences I have ever seen in a horror movie. The original Texas Chainsaw can make you squirm even though, contrary to its reputation from people who never actually watched the movie, it has no graphic violence or gore. (Remake producer Michael Bay displayed his ignorance by claiming in interviews that his new version would have none of the graphic gore of the original).

I think the most shocking thing about the remake is the fact that so many people on this site actually think it's a great film. People are entitled to their opinions but this movie is so far from great I can't help but wonder if some of these reviews are from the kinds of people who wouldn't find it strange when a police officer puts a murder weapon in his own empty holster.
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