The worst movies I've watched

by guisreis | created - 17 Sep 2013 | updated - 2 months ago | Public
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1. Breaking Wind (2012)

R | 82 min | Comedy

A comedic spoof based on the worldwide phenomenon, The Twilight Saga.

Director: Craig Moss | Stars: Heather Ann Davis, Eric Callero, Frank Pacheco, Michael Adam Hamilton

Votes: 4,425

2. Orgulho de Ser Brasileiro (2013)

89 min | Documentary, Biography, History

'Pride of being Brazilian' is a documentary that discusses this emblematic feeling that you hear in Brazil. The plot in based on a director's personal search for the feeling to be pride of ... See full summary »

Director: Adalberto Piotto | Stars: Romero Britto, Fernando Henrique Cardoso, Yara Gouveia, Adib Jatene

Votes: 10

Review: This awful documentary is unbelievable. It is, for sure, one of the worst movies I have ever watched. It is astounding how the producer and director (an anchorman of conservative radio programs) dared to select a so biased group of interviewees to explain Brazil, some of them clearly unable to produce a complex analysis - from politicians such as ex president Cardoso (who abandoned his past reputation as an important sociologist to become a rancorous newspaper commentator) and presidential candidate Marina Silva (as Cardoso, she is also a fierce opponent of the governments which had been ruling the country for a decade) to irrelevant upper-class Brazilians living in the United States (curiously, perhaps aware of their controversial participation, the synopsis in the official website describes the film as "Just real. Made by Brazilians. With no foreign interference."). No social movements, no progressive intellectuals, no slum or countryside people appear on screen. The outcome is obviously elitist, right-wing, bitter to then Federal Government, with almost only unsophisticated testimonies. The elegant rooms where most of the interviews happened are a metaphor of how far from Brazilian people this movie is. If you want to know more about Brazil, its complexities, what was going on there by the end of the first decade of XXIst century, I strongly recommend you to look anywhere else.

3. As Taradas Atacam (1978)

80 min | Comedy

The narrator of a radio show called "Barulho na Cidade" ("Noise in the City") tells five erotic episodes: (1) "Sexo Diferente" ("Unusual Sex"): Carla dos Anzóis Pereira (Malu) writes a ... See full summary »

Director: Carlo Mossy | Stars: Elena Andrea, Maria Aparecida, Cláudio Barreto, Jotta Barroso

Votes: 24

4. Disaster Movie (2008)

PG-13 | 87 min | Comedy

15 Metascore

Over the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.

Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer | Stars: Carmen Electra, Vanessa Lachey, Nicole Parker, Matt Lanter

Votes: 84,909 | Gross: $14.19M

Review: A disaster. Just unfunny nonsense. There is an unending sequence of awful jokes with no relevance for the story (story?!). It could be just one more spoof movie that gets references from the most popular films of the moment. Most of those parodies are bad movies and this could be just one of them. Though, "Disater Movie" was able to be placed among the worst of them as it mixes films which have no relation to each other (10,000 BC, Juno, No Country for Old Men, Wanted, High School Musical, Sex and the City, Indiana Jones, The Chronicles of Narnia, Jumper, Enchanted, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Speed Racer, Night at the Museum, Beowulf, Kung Fu Panda...), and there is no clever idea to make it works as something reasonable that makes sense. It is not the number of referenced movies that makes a parody good. There are some superheroes, like Hancock, Iron Man, Hellboy, the Hulk, Batman... but believe me, they will not save the day! Don't waste your time, just do not watch this messy crap.

5. Night Out: Vampires (2010)

Short, Comedy

Four guys reminisce about a disastrous night out, which leads to Franco's over the top demise.

Director: Franco Castan | Stars: Franco Castan, Thomas J. Churchill, Kameco Cuaolo, Sophia Easley

Votes: 6

This sexist and disgusting crap is available here: https://vimeo.com/13793958

6. Lonesome Cowboys (1968)

X | 109 min | Comedy, Crime, Drama

Five lonesome cowboys get all hot & bothered at home en the range after confronting Ramona Alvarez and her nurse.

Directors: Andy Warhol, Paul Morrissey | Stars: Viva, Tom Hompertz, Louis Waldon, Eric Emerson

Votes: 447 | Gross: $0.09M

7. Batman Dracula (1964)

54 min | Drama

Andy Warhol's infamous lost campy classic charting the adventures of Batman two years before Adam West donned the Caped Crusader's wings in the classic TV show.

Director: Andy Warhol | Stars: Gregory Battcock, David Bourdon, Tally Brown, Rufus Collins

Votes: 107

Just a third of the picture survived. Half of it shows caped people doing nothing. The other half I just do not not what it shows.

8. Love Me Forever or Never (1986)

110 min | Drama

Young and recently separated couple meet in a modern house and start discussing their past relationship.

Director: Arnaldo Jabor | Stars: Fernanda Torres, Thales Pan Chacon

Votes: 385

9. Super Xuxa Contra o Baixo Astral (1988)

86 min | Comedy, Family, Fantasy

With the power of a magic crystal, a TV hostess becomes the only hope to defeat a malign subterranean entity, that is sick of her good, generous deeds.

Directors: Anna Penido, David Sonnenschein | Stars: Xuxa, Nair Amorim, Tuca Andrada, Manfredo Bahia

Votes: 726

I am not proud of having watched this on the movies.

10. SpiderBabe (2003 Video)

R | 89 min | Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi

A socially awkward young woman gets bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes a crime-fighting superhero and tries to defeat a nefarious super villain while going after any man (or woman) she wants to bed down with.

Director: Johnny Crash | Stars: Erin Brown, Julian Wells, Darian Caine, Adam Cox

Votes: 801

11. Captain Battle: Legacy War (2013)

90 min | Action, Sci-Fi, War

SAM BATTLE is injured during his tour of duty in the Gulf War. He loses an eye and is near death. His good friend, BRANDON STORM, who is a scientist, injects him with a secret serum that he... See full summary »

Director: David Palmieri | Stars: Cuyle Carvin, Andrew J McGuinness, Marlene Mc'Cohen, Jenny Allford

Votes: 386

12. Crô em Família (2018)

94 min | Comedy

Already famous, at the top of his career, owner of his own school of etiquette, Crô sees himself alone and without a family. Lonely and vulnerable, he ends up living at the whim of supposed... See full summary »

Director: Cininha de Paula | Stars: Monique Alfradique, João Baldasserini, Júlio Braga, João Bravo

Votes: 43

Just one more unfunny and boring bad-quality film from Globo Filmes full of prejudices desguised as jokes against LGBT and the poor. I stopped to watch after 20 minutes. Horrible.

14. The Crusaders #357: Experiment in Evil! (2008)

97 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

A battered wife leaves her husband to become a super hero in this comic book come to life complete with panels , page turns and old fashioned novelty ads. Taking the identity of Furie, ... See full summary »

Director: Robb Wolford | Stars: Blake Arnold, Richard A. Becker, Ruth W. Block, John Butcovitch

Votes: 53

The idea of playing the movie as if it were comic book pages is clever, but the film's campiness, awful amateur special effects and not serious or skilled acting are simply disgusting and not entertaining.

15. The Amazing Bulk (2012 Video)

Not Rated | 76 min | Animation, Action, Comedy

Henry 'Hank' Howard works as a scientist in a military lab, trying to create a superhuman formula but with little success. He is also in love with the daughter of his boss, a general. In an... See full summary »

Director: Lewis Schoenbrun | Stars: Terence Lording, Shevaun Kastl, Randal Malone, Juliette Angeli

Votes: 2,402

16. Three Giant Men (1973)

81 min | Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

Istanbul is being terrorized by a crime wave, and the police call in American superhero Captain America and Mexican wrestler Santo to put a stop to it.

Director: T. Fikret Uçak | Stars: Aytekin Akkaya, Deniz Erkanat, Yavuz Selekman, Tevfik Sen

Votes: 563

17. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

PG-13 | 95 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

11 Metascore

A group of martial arts warriors have only six days to save the Earth from an extra-dimensional invasion.

Director: John R. Leonetti | Stars: Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Sandra Hess

Votes: 44,463 | Gross: $35.93M

18. Las Hurdes (1933)

30 min | Documentary, Short

A surrealistic documentary portrait of the region of Las Hurdes, a remote region of Spain where civilisation has barely developed, showing how the local peasants try to survive without even the most basic utilities and skills.

Director: Luis Buñuel | Stars: Abel Jacquin, Alexandre O'Neill

Votes: 4,848

Dishonest, sadistic and boring film by Buñuel.

19. New Wave (1983)

102 min | Comedy, Sport

A group of eleven women organize a soccer team, as a manifesto against sexism.

Directors: José Antonio Garcia, Ícaro Martins | Stars: Carla Camurati, Tânia Alves, Patricio Bisso, Cristina Bolzan

Votes: 106

It is so boring that I have tried to watch it several times and I could never really pay attention. It is a sexploitation film with awful dialogues, no story, sexist view. Beautiful Brazilian actresses are seen naked when they were very young; that is a beautiful sight, off course, but does not make a good movie.

20. A Dama da Zona (1979)

85 min | Comedy

Esmeralda, an independent prostitute with a strong personality, loves two things: the samba dance that she frequents and her freedom, which she defends furiously. Outside the working hours ... See full summary »

Director: Ody Fraga | Stars: Marlene Silva, Marlene França, Hélio Porto, David Neto

Votes: 24

21. The Age of the Earth (1980)

140 min | Drama, Fantasy, History

Four Third-World Christs try to stop the American industrialist John Brahms in Glauber Rocha's experimental film inspired by Pier Paolo Pasolini's murder.

Director: Glauber Rocha | Stars: Maurício do Valle, Jece Valadão, Antonio Pitanga, Tarcísio Meira

Votes: 419

22. The Dognapper (2013)

101 min | Comedy, Romance

The day a man almost runs-over a puppy, he meets the love of his life. The couple and their dog live the dream, until she wants out.

Director: Pedro Amorim | Stars: Joaquim Lopes, Keli Freitas, Arthur Claro, Duda Wendling

Votes: 1,088

23. Blubberella (2011)

R | 87 min | Action, Comedy

An action comedy centered on an overweight woman whose footsteps cause explosions and whose dual swords are used against anyone who makes fun of her.

Director: Uwe Boll | Stars: Lindsay Hollister, Brendan Fletcher, Michael Paré, Willam Belli

Votes: 2,314

24. The Cleveland Vampire (2013)

Short, Horror

A young family of three siblings moves from the city to forge a new life in the suburbs only to find that they are being stalked by a bizarre and inhuman creature with very vile intentions.

Director: Michael F. Wilk | Stars: Joel Anger, Kristen Lindsey, Lexie Kay, James Knight

Votes: 5

25. 1964: O Brasil Entre Armas e Livros (2019)

127 min | Documentary

An alternative view of the Brazilian Military Dictatorship and the events leading up to its inception in 1964.

Director: Lucas Ferrugem | Stars: Olavo de Carvalho, Hélio Beltrão, Petr Blazek, Alexandre Borges

Votes: 504

This is a dishonest biased anti-communist and pro-military dictatorship propaganda film with a laughable text, narration and interviews that are a mess, and exploitation soundtrack. It supports the usual authoritarian version that 1964 coup was "necessary" to avoid communism. The movie tries to attatch president João Goulart as authoritarian instead of the ones who destroyed Brazilian democracy, who the producers deffend by presenting interviews which lack credibility but, together with a good edition, give the impression of a serious documentary to uninformed spectators. It also says that the lack of support for military rule was due May 68, immature voters and moral relativism that does not distinguish between good and evil anymore (?!!). Its historical revisionism aims to show as normal and positive a brutal regime, particularly emphasizing the reactions as if they were aggressions. It also lies that USA had no relation with the coup.They also say that Gramsci wrote the Prison Notebooks in the 60's, but the Italian communist philosopher died in 1937!

26. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)

PG | 103 min | Adventure, Comedy, Romance

70 Metascore

Adventurer, brain surgeon, rock musician Buckaroo Banzai and his crime-fighting team, the Hong Kong Cavaliers, must stop evil alien invaders from the eighth dimension who are planning to conquer Earth.

Director: W.D. Richter | Stars: Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Ellen Barkin, Jeff Goldblum

Votes: 22,835 | Gross: $6.25M

What a great effort to watch this without sleeping. So boring. I made many attempts.

27. Billi Pig (2012)

98 min | Comedy

The aspiring actress Marivalda, her husband Wanderley, a bankrupt insurance broker and a false priest do their best to get along in life. But they end up in the hands of a drug boss, whose ... See full summary »

Director: José Eduardo Belmonte | Stars: Selton Mello, Grazi Massafera, Milton Gonçalves, Otávio Müller

Votes: 268

28. Blissfully Yours (2002)

125 min | Drama, Romance

77 Metascore

The story of a love affair that begins during a picnic on the Thai-Burmese border.

Director: Apichatpong Weerasethakul | Stars: Kanokporn Tongaram, Min Oo, Jenjira Pongpas, Sa-gnad Chaiyapan

Votes: 2,123

"Eternamente sua" foi o título em português, com que foi exibido no Festival do Rio BR 2002.

29. Japón (2002)

R | 122 min | Drama

76 Metascore

A painter from the big city goes to a remote canyon to commit suicide. To reach some calmness, he stays at the farmstead of Ascen, an old, religious woman. Although but a few words are spoken, love grows.

Director: Carlos Reygadas | Stars: Alejandro Ferretis, Magdalena Flores, Yolanda Villa, Martín Serrano

Votes: 3,128

30. Phase 7 (2010)

R | 95 min | Sci-Fi, Thriller

Inside a quarantined apartment building a man must protect his pregnant wife from his new neighbors.

Director: Nicolás Goldbart | Stars: Daniel Hendler, Jazmín Stuart, Yayo Guridi, Federico Luppi

Votes: 2,999

31. You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

PG-13 | 113 min | Comedy

54 Metascore

An Israeli Special Forces Soldier fakes his death so he can re-emerge in New York City as a hair stylist.

Director: Dennis Dugan | Stars: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson

Votes: 183,130 | Gross: $100.02M

32. Kekkô Kamen (2004)

70 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy

A school that teaches young boys and girls how to become famous anchorpeople in the media. But there is something strange going in this school. The facility takes a sick pride in handing ... See full summary »

Director: Takafumi Nagamine | Stars: Nao Eguchi, Kie Ikuta, Juri Inahara, Kenjirô Ishimaru

Votes: 267

33. Vampires Kiss/Blood Inside (2012)

10 min | Short, Horror

Three young women conjure up a Vampiress Queen in an abandoned cemetery. Their naive deeds unleash a horrific series of events. Can townspeople hault this evil before it spreads throughout all of Victorian England?

Director: Derek Frey | Stars: Tim Burton, Malcolm Davis, Oliver Driscoll, Leah Gallo

Votes: 66

34. Best Defense (1984)

R | 94 min | Comedy, War

29 Metascore

A military weapons engineer struggles to do his job responsibly, while a hapless tank commander has to live with the consequences in combat years later.

Director: Willard Huyck | Stars: Dudley Moore, Eddie Murphy, Kate Capshaw, George Dzundza

Votes: 5,299 | Gross: $19.27M

I have watched only a very small part of the beginning of this film, but it was so sexist, so xenophobic, so favorable to US foreign militaristic policies, that it deserves to be well placed in this list.

35. Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula (2004 TV Movie)

87 min | Horror

When a bachelorette party at Emmanuelle's house is interrupted by a mysterious loner, strange things begin to happen. The party guests start changing one by one into blood-sucking sexual ... See full summary »

Director: KLS | Stars: Natasja Vermeer, Beverly Lynne, Kelsey Heart, Molinee Green

Votes: 215

Review: The "dark one" Robertson, the porn vampire, symbolizes how horrible this film is. The dialogs are terrible, and actors are among the worst I have ever seen. Showing naked beautiful bodies does not make a film, even a sexploitation (or softcore) one. How to believe in a vampire (Robertson, "the dark one") who looks like (and acts like) a pornographic actor? If most of the many and lasting sex scenes from the film are not very inspired (not really sensual, too much confusing and clipped), just imagine the rest of the film: a catastrophe. The scene of Emmanuelle getting rid of Lucy was so unbelievably campy (and so is the following "eat this" scene)! And what the hell was the way Emmanuelle fought Robertson?! This vampire film is not a horror movie, it is a horrible movie, what is definitely not the same. What a shame!

36. Os Dez Mandamentos - O Filme (2016)

PG-13 | 120 min | Adventure, Drama, Fantasy

Follows Moses leading and conducting the Hebrew people from the slavery of Egypt to the freedom towards the Promised Land according to the Ancient Testament Bible book of the Exodus. The ... See full summary »

Director: Alexandre Avancini | Stars: Guilherme Winter, Sergio Marone, Camila Rodrigues, Giselle Itié

Votes: 1,052

Childish screenplay, horrible acting, a ridiculous film.

Good-hearted priest Pedro de Lara vs. evil José Mojica Marins. I expected at least a funny bad film, but it is just unbearably boring.

38. Nervo Craniano Zero (2012)

88 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

Bruna Bloch, a successful writer, hires her former boyfriend to experiment a creativity inducing brain chip called Melpomene(the Greek muse of tragedy). Before trying on herself, they use ... See full summary »

Director: Paulo Biscaia Filho | Stars: Guenia Lemos, Uyara Torrente, Leandro Daniel, Luiz Bertazzo

Votes: 87

39. Cleópatra (2007)

116 min | Drama, Romance

The great battles are the backdrop for the unfolding of the Egyptian Queen's personal life. Cleopatra's strategy is to seduce the Roman general Julius Caesar and Mark Antony to protect their civilization.

Director: Júlio Bressane | Stars: Alessandra Negrini, Miguel Falabella, Bruno Garcia, Taumaturgo Ferreira

Votes: 195

40. Dracula: The Dark Prince (2013)

R | 100 min | Action, Fantasy

In his search for the Lightbringer, Dracula crosses paths with a beautiful crusader named Alina who bears a remarkable resemblance to his murdered bride. One look at her and Dracula is ... See full summary »

Director: Pearry Reginald Teo | Stars: Luke Roberts, Kelly Wenham, Ben Robson, Holly Earl

Votes: 1,551

41. Viva Zalata (1976)

Adventure, Comedy, Romance

Zalata escapes from Egypt after divorcing his four wives and moves to a fictional town called Texico where he becomes a dangerous outlaw and later its governor. After he shoots the leader ... See full summary »

Director: Hassan Hafez | Stars: Fouad El-Mohandes, Shouweikar, Samir Ghanem, Tawfik El Deken

Votes: 80

42. Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

R | 94 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

41 Metascore

Survivors of the Raccoon City catastrophe travel across the Nevada desert, hoping to make it to Alaska. Alice joins the caravan and their fight against the evil Umbrella Corp.

Director: Russell Mulcahy | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Oded Fehr, Iain Glen

Votes: 177,393 | Gross: $50.65M

43. Insurgent (2015)

PG-13 | 119 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

42 Metascore

Beatrice Prior must confront her inner demons and continue her fight against a powerful alliance which threatens to tear her society apart with the help from others on her side.

Director: Robert Schwentke | Stars: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, Theo James, Kate Winslet

Votes: 206,994 | Gross: $130.18M

44. A Werewolf in the Amazon (2005)

TV-MA | 76 min | Comedy, Horror

In search of a powerful hallucinogen, five friends embark on a dangerous journey deep into the Amazon. But a bad trip isn't the only threat, as they discover when they stumble across the ... See full summary »

Director: Ivan Cardoso | Stars: Daiana Amêndola, Karina Bacchi, Tania Boscoli, Bruno de Luca

Votes: 158