Movies With The Bois In The Aeroplane In The Wall Boogaloo Rhapsody

by bruisesandbitemarkssay | created - 4 months ago | updated - 1 day ago | Public

A bunch of schizophrenic movie haters drink vodka and eat moose and sardines while they rate movies.

Movies are rated on a scale as follows: >50% F (Destroy this garbage.) 51-60 E (Avoid) 61-66 D (Only if you really want to.) 67-75 C (Maybe, Maybe not) 76-85 B (Recommended!) 86-90 A (Outstanding Recommendation) 91-97 A+ (Must Watch) 98-100 S (Hall of the Bests)

NOTE! ALL SCORES ARE ROUNDED UP!

Movies deemed so terrible while watching can get voted to be skipped. Movies skipped still get rankings but will be labeled "VETOED"

Current Cast:

Jakoby- Made this list, eats sardines. Once threw playdough at a kid who was allergic to wheat.

Timo- Hates olives and therefore is bad. Lives in a Sauna. Is gay.

Lukas- Swedish man who screams at walls. Loves birds, on a quest to pet every dog. Is very stinky.

Erich- Danish man who is old and grumpy but has pretty rockin' hair. Eats moose. Responsible for at least 30% of the world's total alcohol consumption.

Alex- Plays a lot of roleplaying games. Chomps cigars.

Fenom- Draws orc tits, sometimes speaks. Is a boy from Spain playing his piano filled with flames.

Shay- Likes big werewolf.

Riser- Likes bad video games.

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1. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

R | 91 min | Action, Comedy, Thriller

A young man with superhuman strength is incarcerated at a prison run by corrupt officials and seeks to use his martial arts to clean up the system.

Director: Ngai Choi Lam | Stars: Siu-Wong Fan, Mei Sheng Fan, Ka-Kui Ho, Yukari Ôshima

Votes: 11,680

Jakoby: 95% "It happened."

Timo: 95% "Bootleg Liu Kang travels to Fist of The North Star Prison."

Lukas: 100% "Fucking perfect movie."

Erich: 75%

Overall Score: 91% (A+) "Must Watch"

2. Blood Debts (1985)

TV-14 | 86 min | Action

An ordinary man becomes a vigilante and wages a one-man war against crime.

Director: Teddy Page | Stars: Richard Harrison, Mike Monty, Jim Gaines, Ann Milhench

Votes: 180

Jakoby: 70% "I didn't even know a single character's name."

Timo: 73% "RECRUIT MORE PIMPS, MORE PUSHERS"

Lukas: 70% "Just watch the ending."

Erich: 65% "The Ending"

Alex: 78% "Worthwhile for the ending, and for more pimps and more pushers."

Fenom: 60% "Rocket launcher and booby scenes"

Overall Score: 69% (C) "Maybe, Maybe Not"

3. When the Wind Blows (1986)

84 min | Animation, Comedy, Drama

A naive elderly British rural couple survive the initial onslaught of a nuclear war.

Director: Jimmy T. Murakami | Stars: Peggy Ashcroft, John Mills, Robin Houston, James Russell

Votes: 9,030 | Gross: $0.01M

Jakoby: 90% "I have clinical depression now, thanks David Bowie, and Roger Waters."

Timo: 100% "I thought I couldn't find a movie to make me cry, I was wrong."

Lukas: 100% "I'm depressed."

Erich: 85% "Very humanizing, lacking knowledge due to propaganda."

Alex:83% "I like the sausage"

Overall Score: 92% (A+) Must Watch

4. Them! (1954)

Not Rated | 94 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

The earliest atomic tests in New Mexico cause common ants to mutate into giant man-eating monsters that threaten civilization.

Director: Gordon Douglas | Stars: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon, James Arness

Votes: 18,294

Jakoby: 88% "Positively surprised, great blu-ray release."

Timo: 85% "Tremors did it better."

Alex: 85% "50's flare and pyrotechnics"

Erich: 85% "Great effects for the time, and compelling story; first for its kind. Try to spot Leonard Nimoy."

Overall Score: 86% (A) "Outstanding Recommendation"

5. Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Not Rated | 79 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

Evil aliens attack Earth and set their terrible "Plan 9" in action. As the aliens resurrect the dead of the Earth to destroy the living, our lives are in danger.

Director: Edward D. Wood Jr. | Stars: Gregory Walcott, Tom Keene, Mona McKinnon, Duke Moore

Votes: 34,132

VETOED: Time of death; 21 minutes, 41 seconds.

Jakoby: 5% "If I see one more god damn stock footage of WWII Rockets, I'm going on a shooting spree."

Timo: 0% "Ed Wood should have died of a heart attack twenty years earlier."

Alex: 0% "https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/574288590557806593/579017573576998952/ispiba93ipyy.jpg Let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. Mentally add ten points to all previous reviews out of spite."

Erich: 20% "God damn you Ed Woods, Ed Wood?"

Overall Score: 6% (F) "Destroy this garbage."

6. Samurai Cop (1991)

Unrated | 96 min | Action, Crime, Thriller

Joe Marshall and Frank Washington are two tenacious police detectives who seek at all costs to stop the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles.

Director: Amir Shervan | Stars: Robert Z'Dar, Mathew Karedas, Janis Farley, Mark Frazer

Votes: 5,849

Jakoby: 92% "Every screenshot of the movie, could be framed in my house."

Lukas: 90% "Samurai Cop watch it please, I beg you."

Alex: 80% "Porn scenes are overly long, but fight with katanas, which I heard are Japanese swords."

Erich: 50% "Did I just watch a porno, or a regular movie."

Timo: 100% "Are you circumcised? Shut the fuck up."

Overall Score: 82% (B) "Recommended"

7. The Unknown Soldier (2017)

132 min | Drama, War

A film adaptation of Väinö Linna's best selling novel The Unknown Soldier (1954) and the novel's unedited manuscript version, Sotaromaani.

Director: Aku Louhimies | Stars: Eero Aho, Johannes Holopainen, Jussi Vatanen, Aku Hirviniemi

Votes: 6,856

Jakoby: 100% "One of the most brutal and real war movies, to come ever."

Alex: 96% "Beautifully shot, beautifully written, learned a lot. But my necessity, slow in the middle."

Timo: 100% "Greatest piece of Finnish cinema ever created."

Lukas: 95% "A definite watch if interested in Finnish War history."

Overall Score: 98% (S) "Hall of the Bests"

8. Stalker (1979)

Not Rated | 162 min | Drama, Sci-Fi

A guide leads two men through an area known as the Zone to find a room that grants wishes.

Director: Andrei Tarkovsky | Stars: Alisa Freyndlikh, Aleksandr Kaydanovskiy, Anatoliy Solonitsyn, Nikolay Grinko

Votes: 100,623 | Gross: $0.23M

Jakoby: 100% "A movie, that while slow, is a beautifully written and shot, about the nature of creativity, science, and religion."

Erich: 95% "Beautiful and ominous, but be prepared for slow pacing, monologues, some heavy-handed allegories, and long establishing shots."

Lukas: 89% "If you're patient and like quiet movies its a must watch."

Alex: 90% "Come to see the inspiration behind a lot of more recent media and stay for some serious brain food."

Timo: 90% "[Muffled Bandit Radio in the distance.]"

Overall Score: 93% (A+) "Must Watch"

9. Judge Dredd (1995)

R | 96 min | Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge (a police officer with instant field judiciary powers), is convicted for a crime he did not commit and must face his murderous counterpart.

Director: Danny Cannon | Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Rob Schneider, Jürgen Prochnow

Votes: 104,409 | Gross: $34.69M

Jakoby: 77% "While it has great 90's cheese, and is a fantastic representation visually of the 2000AD universe. The story and canon elements fall flat with inconsistency."

Erich: 80% "A great visualization of the AD 2000 universe, has aged well but the storyline has a lot of faults."

Timo: 93% "Courts Adjourned Rob Schnieder"

Fenom: 85% "Id watch it again."

Alex: 82% "Contains painful 90's cliches and is the grand-daddy of dystopian comics."

Overall Score: 83% (B) "Recommended!"

10. Dredd (2012)

R | 95 min | Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

60 Metascore

In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO.

Director: Pete Travis | Stars: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Lena Headey, Rachel Wood

Votes: 237,388 | Gross: $13.41M

Jakoby: 92% "2000 AD needs more movies. Instead, we just get more shitty horror movies."

Erich: 90% "Great addition to the Dredd Universe, but lacking the proper visuals of the comics."

Alex: 93% "Second viewing, Slo-Mo is maybe a bit too gratuitous, but its a great movie."

Tim: 95% "Synthwave goes well with Dredd."

Overall Score: 93% A+ (Must Watch)

11. Eraserhead (1977)

Not Rated | 89 min | Horror

87 Metascore

Henry Spencer tries to survive his industrial environment, his angry girlfriend, and the unbearable screams of his newly born mutant child.

Director: David Lynch | Stars: Jack Nance, Charlotte Stewart, Allen Joseph, Jeanne Bates

Votes: 92,431 | Gross: $7.00M

Jakoby: 85% "Wonderfully disgusting and surreal. However, I felt it was just too disjointed, and really the only thing that kept us going was to see how weirder it would get."

Erich: 70% "Disgusting, confusing and pretentious, but thought-provoking; you want to understand and interpret what's going on!"

Tim: 100% "Lynch"

Fenom: No Score? "Those were good pencils"

Overall Score: 85% (B) "Recommended!"

12. Oldboy (2003)

R | 120 min | Action, Drama, Mystery

77 Metascore

After being kidnapped and imprisoned for fifteen years, Oh Dae-Su is released, only to find that he must find his captor in five days.

Director: Chan-wook Park | Stars: Min-sik Choi, Ji-tae Yu, Hye-jeong Kang, Dae-han Ji

Votes: 467,248 | Gross: $0.71M

Jakoby: 70% "Interesting and cool action and camera shots, but the ending honestly drags on too long, and leads you on to believe this movie is something more than it actually is."

Erich: 78% "Good acting, stupid premise and finale."

Timo: 90% "While not as great as many have originally told, still believe it is one of the most important and influential films from both Korea and internationally."

Alex: 80% "This is where the gritty revenge flick trend started. The ending overstays its welcome."

Overall Score: 79% (B) "Recommended"

13. A Boy and His Dog (1975)

R | 91 min | Comedy, Drama, Sci-Fi

A young man and his telepathic dog wander a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Director: L.Q. Jones | Stars: Don Johnson, Jason Robards, Susanne Benton, Tim McIntire

Votes: 15,438 | Gross: $6.90M

Jakoby: 97% "The protag. is the antag. A boy had a telekinetic dog that let him rape women. Has a fantastic ending."

Erich: 90% "Don't expect happy endings, or heroics. Doggo was the best actor. (By the way, what a screamer?)

Tim: 100% "Thank you, Mad Max."

Alex: 86% "A cultural touchstone. If you are a fan of and can stomach Harlan Ellison's depiction of the post-apocalypse, its a movie for you."

Overall Score: 93% (A+) "Must Watch"

Winner of Alex's Tiddy Award.

14. Hardcore Henry (2015)

R | 96 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

51 Metascore

Henry is resurrected from death with no memory, and he must save his wife from a telekinetic warlord with a plan to bio-engineer soldiers.

Director: Ilya Naishuller | Stars: Sharlto Copley, Tim Roth, Haley Bennett, Danila Kozlovsky

Votes: 79,773 | Gross: $9.25M

Jakoby: 96% "Literally 90 minutes of super great looking ultraviolence."

Erich: 92% "A videogame but it is a movie. Great action and effects. Really great except for a little hammy acting."

Lukas: 90%"Did you like the last 10 minutes of DOOM? Well, heres the movie."

Timo: 95% "Achievement unlocked"

Fenom: 95% "Git gud noobs ggez."

Overall Score: 94% (A+) "Must Watch"

15. Belyy tigr (2012)

Not Rated | 104 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

Great Patriotic War, early 1940s. After barely surviving a battle with a mysterious, ghostly-white Tiger tank, Red Army Sergeant Ivan Naydenov becomes obsessed with its destruction.

Director: Karen Shakhnazarov | Stars: Aleksey Vertkov, Vitaliy Kishchenko, Valeriy Grishko, Dmitriy Bykovskiy-Romashov

Votes: 3,169

Jakoby: 80% "Great suspenseful movie about a tank duel, but should have ended in the showdown, as the novel did. Tacked on ending to remind you tirelessly about what you already know, probably due to government interference."

Erich: 75% "Great Tank movie, that ends up in 'I don't know what happened.'

Lukas: 73% "Solid first hour, then I don't know what happens."

Timo: 87% "Watch this over Fury."

Overall Score: 79% (B) "Recommended"

Seriously, turn it off after the showdown.

16. Jacob's Ladder (I) (1990)

R | 113 min | Drama, Horror, Mystery

62 Metascore

Mourning his dead child, a haunted Vietnam War veteran attempts to uncover his past while suffering from a severe case of dissociation. To do so, he must decipher reality and life from his own dreams, delusions, and perceptions of death.

Director: Adrian Lyne | Stars: Tim Robbins, Elizabeth Peña, Danny Aiello, Matt Craven

Votes: 91,932 | Gross: $26.12M

Jakoby: 98% "Inspiration behind Silent Hill and is a great twist on psychological thrillers. Please don't melt 50 pounds of ice."

Erich: 95% "Shamalan, take notes; this is how you do it."

Alex: 95% "Doctors evil, chiropractor good."

Lukas: 90% "A good psychological thriller, sadly no ladder."

Overall Score: 95% (A+) "Must Watch"

17. Shutter Island (2010)

R | 138 min | Mystery, Thriller

63 Metascore

In 1954, a U.S. Marshal investigates the disappearance of a murderer, who escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane.

Director: Martin Scorsese | Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Emily Mortimer, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley

Votes: 1,025,378 | Gross: $128.01M

Jakoby: 84% "Fantastic thriller up until the end, but suffers like OLDBOY in its execution of a proper ending."

Erich: 80% "Slow, boring and derivative film, but worth watching. Great acting by DiCaprio, Kingsley, von Sydow and Ruffalo. Worth seeing, even if the twist is obvious and predictable."

Lukas: 79% "LEONARDO DICAPRIO"

Alex: 86% "Cliche as thrillers go, but phenomenally well acted and shot that it really doesn't matter."

Timo: 85% "Interesting if not very played out premise. Let down by the end and execution."

Overall Score: 83% (B) "Recommended"

18. Demolition Man (1993)

R | 115 min | Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

34 Metascore

A police officer is brought out of suspended animation in prison to pursue an old ultra-violent nemesis who is loose in a non-violent future society.

Director: Marco Brambilla | Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne

Votes: 147,504 | Gross: $58.06M

Jakoby: 89% "Bad for all the best ways."

Erich: 90% "Fuck is said 18 times in the movie. Fun, and try to find Jack Black."

Lukas: 85% "Stallone, more like Bob."

Timo: 95% "They never explained the 3 seashells."

Shay: 90% "Very not bad."

Overall Score: 90% (A) "Outstanding Recommendation"

19. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)

PG | 103 min | Adventure, Comedy, Romance

70 Metascore

Adventurer, brain surgeon, rock musician Buckaroo Banzai and his crime-fighting team, the Hong Kong Cavaliers, must stop evil alien invaders from the eighth dimension who are planning to conquer Earth.

Director: W.D. Richter | Stars: Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Ellen Barkin, Jeff Goldblum

Votes: 22,380 | Gross: $6.25M

Jakoby: 98% "A movie that deserves 10 movies. Please read the follow up comics and novels. Also is getting a TV series, appearently."

Erich: 85% "A movie that takes itself too seriously, thus becoming hilarious! Good effects for the time, and you'll see some familiar faces. A messy plot that is hard to follow. No one seems to be able to pronounce or spell the bad guy's name."

Timo: 100% "BLACKS ARE ON THIS PLANET."

Alex: 85% "DO-DO-DODO DODO DO DODODO"

Overall Score: 92% (A+) "Must Watch"

20. Russian Terminator (1989)

R | 87 min | Action

When a high-ranking government official's daughter's boyfriend is kidnapped, it's up to Mark Robinson and Phil Davids to find the shadowy organization responsible and bring them to justice.

Directors: Mats Helge Olsson, Anders Nilsson | Stars: Frederick Offrein, Helle Michaelsen, Mats Huddén, Timothy Earle

Votes: 344

Jakoby: 77% "Swedish actors phonetically try to speak English. You have a problem. You're gonna die."

Erich: 76% "George Lucas is a secret agent. Stay for the Ninja and the finale."

Lukas: 80% "Missed Buckaroo Banzai, but I think I watched the right movie."

Timo: 75% "Skip to Dolph Lundgren's clone from another dimension."

Alex: 76% "Skip to the part where the Ninja is unmasked, the rest of the movie is a 61%"

Overall Score: 77% (B) "Recommended"

21. Hollywood Cop (1987)

R | 101 min | Action, Crime, Drama

A detective tries to get back a child who has been kidnapped by gangsters.

Director: Amir Shervan | Stars: James Mitchum, Cameron Mitchell, David Goss, Zuhair Haddad

Votes: 336

VETOED: Time of Death; 53 minutes, 53 seconds.

Jakoby: 25% "Kill the Casio player."

Erich: 20% "Doggo was a hero"

Lukas: 10% "Just watch Samurai Cop"

Timo: 62% "Its really boring"

Overall Score: 29% (F) "Destroy This Garbage"

22. Gayniggers from Outer Space (1992)

26 min | Comedy, Short, Sci-Fi

Extraterrestrial beings travel the galaxy to free men "oppressed" by females to make way for an entirely-homosexual society.

Director: Morten Lindberg | Stars: Coco C.P. Dalbert, Sammy Salomon, Gbatokai Dakinah, Konrad Fields

Votes: 5,816

Jakoby: 99% "It would have been 100, but, It needed to be a whole TV Series"

Erich: 98% "You must boldly go where no gay has gone before."

Lukas: 100% "A gaypiece"

Timo: 100% "Read the fucking title."

Overall Score: 99% (S) "Hall of the Bests"

23. Miami Connection (1987)

R | 83 min | Action, Crime, Thriller

56 Metascore

A martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas who have tightened their grip on Florida's narcotics trade.

Directors: Woo-sang Park, Y.K. Kim | Stars: Y.K. Kim, Vincent Hirsch, Joseph Diamand, Maurice Smith

Votes: 4,176

Jakoby: 87% "Came for a crappy action b-movie. Actually ended up being a legitimately good kung-fu movie."

Erich: 85% "Biker Ninjas"

Lukas: 85% "Taekwando is a way of life."

Timo: 95% "Ninja Gaiden, the Movie"

Overall Score: 88% (A) "Outstanding Recommendation"

24. Death Race 2000 (1975)

R | 80 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi

59 Metascore

In a dystopian future, a cross country automobile race requires contestants to run down innocent pedestrians to gain points that are tallied based on each kill's brutality.

Director: Paul Bartel | Stars: David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, Simone Griffeth, Mary Woronov

Votes: 22,884 | Gross: $8.00M

Jakoby: 60% "Barely watchable for only Stallone's hammyness alone. The violence is eh, and generally the movie isn't really interesting nor worth its cult-hype status."

Erich: 65% "Watch it for Stallone"

Lukas: 69% "If not for Stallone, would have turned off."

Timo: 73% "A more violent and less interesting wacky racers."

Overall Score: 66% (D) "Only if you really want to."

25. Love Bavarian Style (1973)

85 min | Comedy

Vittorio pretends to be gay so he can chaperone a rich man's daughter on vacation in Germany. Unfortunately his driver really is gay and Vittorio has a problem.

Director: Sigi Rothemund | Stars: Elisabeth Volkmann, Alexander Grill, Marie Ekorre, Rinaldo Talamonti

Votes: 173

VETOED: Time of death; 32 minutes.

Jakoby: 5% "For a porno comedy, this was boring. Also we didn't have english subs."

Erich: 62% "I laughed my ass off."

Lukas: 0% "Boring as fuck."

Timo: 15% "Just kinda lame."

Overall Score: 21% (F) "Destroy this Garbage."

26. Surviving Edged Weapons (1988)

84 min | Documentary, Action, Crime

A documentary issued to police in the 80's on how to survive edged-based attacks, primarily blades -- with often comical and novel examples.

Director: Dennis Anderson | Stars: Mickey Dawes, Leo T. Gaje Jr., Dean Gilmore, Kathleen A. Handal

Votes: 281

Jakoby: 90% "The memeist instructional video ever. Has a good budget, and good action for what it is. Better than most action movies."

Erich: 80% "A lot of bullshit but good advice"

Lukas: 80% "If you see a knife, run away from it"

Timo: 95% "Remember the principle: GUN"

Overall Score: 86% (A) "Outstanding Recommendation"

Content Warning, this video contains real pictures and videos of gore.

27. Big Ass Spider! (2013)

PG-13 | 80 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy

53 Metascore

A giant alien spider escapes from a military lab and rampages the city of Los Angeles. When a massive military strike fails, it is up to a team of scientists and one clever exterminator to kill the creature before the city is destroyed.

Director: Mike Mendez | Stars: Greg Grunberg, Lin Shaye, Ruben Pla, Alexis Kendra

Votes: 6,515

Jakoby: 90% "A god tier B-Movie. I'd clap that spider's ass cheeks."

Erich: 95% "Would have been better, if it had better CGI"

Lukas: 90% "Its a big ass spider"

Alex: 93% "Oh hey Loyd Kaufmann!"

Timo: 94% "Perfect for people with arachnophobia"

Overall Score: 92% (A+) "Must Watch"

28. The Running Man (1987)

R | 101 min | Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller

45 Metascore

A wrongly convicted man must try to survive a public execution gauntlet staged as a game show.

Director: Paul Michael Glaser | Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Conchita Alonso, Yaphet Kotto, Jim Brown

Votes: 132,675 | Gross: $38.12M

Jakoby: 91% "I just watched Smash TV."

Erich: 92% "Schlocky film but a cautionary tale of totalitarian controlled society and media."

Lukas: 90% "Arnold out of 5 chocolate bars."

Timo: 100% "Unlike Sub-Zero, this movie gets 2 zeros."

Shay: 90% "Arnold + One Liners means I need to leave."

Overall Score: 93% (A+) "Must Watch"

29. The Beast of War (1988)

R | 111 min | Adventure, Drama, War

A Soviet tank and its warring crew become separated from their patrol and lost in an Afghan valley with a group of vengeance-seeking rebels on their tracks.

Director: Kevin Reynolds | Stars: George Dzundza, Jason Patric, Steven Bauer, Stephen Baldwin

Votes: 8,197 | Gross: $0.16M

Jakoby: 60% "The movie ought to be praised for its use of real tanks, tactics, and attention to some beautiful cinematography and soundtrack. This movie however completely fails on a story standpoint. The idea of PTSD ridden soviet commander who takes his grief out brutally on the Afghans is a brilliant setup as you see him crack under that PTSD. However, the mujaheddin are apparently invincible, and magically take down a tank by the will of god and 3 large rocks. Allegories be damned, anything in the movie with the mujaheddin is a cop-out and lazy excuse to go 'hey Russian bad'. We didn't even finish the movie, we decided to read how it ended. And it just continued to pile on bullshit unjustified to the greatness of the setup in the beginning. It should be noted; that this movie technically got vetoed. However, a veto would be too good for what this movie becomes in the end."

Erich: 60% "This is absolute bullshit."

Timo: 60% "Just watch until like the halfway point, the rest doesn't matter."

Overall Score: 60% (E) "Avoid"

30. Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015)

TV-14 | 94 min | Action, Crime, Thriller

It's 25 years later, and police detective Frank Washington is forced to team up again with his long estranged partner Joe Marshall to investigate a series of assassinations, in a case with ingredients they could never have imagined.

Director: Gregory Hatanaka | Stars: Mathew Karedas, Mark Frazer, Bai Ling, Cranston Komuro

Votes: 3,369

VETOED: Time of Death; 29 minutes, 43 seconds.

Jakoby: 20% "A sequel to a great film, that ruins itself completely by trying to replicate the comedy of a bad movie that ironically, in the end, makes this a bad movie.

Erich: 40% "Fun that some of the old cast was back, but continuing a bad movie does not a good movie make"

Riser: 35%

Timo: 45% "A poor sequel that pales in comparison to the source material and misses the point."

Overall Score: 35% (F) "Destroy This Garbage"

31. The Ninja Mission (1984)

R | 93 min | Action, Drama

Swedish scientist named Karl Markov is taken hostage by the KGB. After his daughter Nadia is also kidnapped and brought deep into the heart of Russia, a group of highly trained ninjas, led ... See full summary »

Director: Mats Helge Olsson | Stars: Krzysztof Kolberger, Hanna Bieniuszewicz, Bo F. Munthe, Curt Broberg

Votes: 620

Jakoby: 85% "Pleasantly surprised. Swedish men try to be Russians."

Erich: 80% "A movie that is way better than it has any right to be."

Alex: 80% "It features a climax of glorious explosions and gore. Way better than the sequel."

Timo: 95% "Like the film festival said, its the best ninja movie with polish actors."

Overall Score: 85% (B) "Recommended!"

Note: This movie is technically a prequel to "The Russian Terminator" featured earlier on this list.

32. They Live (1988)

R | 94 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

54 Metascore

A drifter discovers a pair of sunglasses that allow him to wake up to the fact that aliens have taken over the Earth.

Director: John Carpenter | Stars: Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster, George 'Buck' Flower

Votes: 98,644 | Gross: $13.01M

Jakoby: 99% "Nonstop fucking action. With a great commentary. And genuinely likeable characters. That has a Carpenter charm, that blends to make the perfect smoothie of a movie."

Lukas: 100% "I really was enjoying this documentary."

Erich: 98% "Great social commentary that still works to this day."

Alex: 100% "Best knockdown-dragout-brawl scene ever. Also best 40K Genestealer cult movie to ever exist."

Timo: 100% "John Carpenter's 2nd best movie."

Overall Score: 99% (S) "Hall of the Bests"

33. The Thing (1982)

R | 109 min | Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi

57 Metascore

A research team in Antarctica is hunted by a shape-shifting alien that assumes the appearance of its victims.

Director: John Carpenter | Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David, Richard Masur

Votes: 337,744 | Gross: $13.78M

Jakoby: 100% "The most Lovecraftian film, ever made. Without trying to be a Lovecraftian film."

Erich: 100% "Probably the best horror movie ever made."

Lukas: 100% "Good movie almost made me throw up."

Timo: 100% "Greatest John Carpenter."

Alex: 100% "I dunno what to say, its the fucking Thing."

Fenom: 90% "Cool guys don't look at explosions."

Earner of Alex's "Fenom is a dirty fucking liar" award.

Overall Score: 98% (S) "Hall of The Bests"

34. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

R | 92 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

57 Metascore

Elvis Presley and a black "JFK" stay in a nursing home where nothing happens - until a wayward Egyptian mummy comes and sucks out the old people's souls thru their a-holes. The two decide to fight back.

Director: Don Coscarelli | Stars: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Bob Ivy, Ella Joyce

Votes: 43,627 | Gross: $2.00M

Jakoby: 93% "I never thought Id ever hear the sentence, that mummies eat souls by sucking them out the asshole."

Erich: 91% "Well done dark comedy."

Lukas: 75% "Its stupid. And I love it."

Timo: 85% "It features Elvis fist fighting the mummy."

Alex: 91% "f you want to know what the inside of my mind is like, watch this movie."

Overall Score: 87% (A) "Outstanding Recommendation"

35. Mindwarp (1992)

R | 91 min | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

In post-apocalyptic 2037, Judy rebels against the AI-ruled utopia where people live in a happy VR simulation. She's exiled to a post-nuclear wasteland where she meets drifter Stover. Mutated cannibals capture them for their leader Seer.

Director: Steve Barnett | Stars: Bruce Campbell, Angus Scrimm, Marta Martin, Elizabeth Kent

Votes: 1,968

Jakoby: 83% "A movie that blows others out of the water for its budget. Great gore, and awesome world building and set-design. However, the ending plays itself a little too long."

Erich: 80% "This is the real matrix."

Lukas: 50% "This isn't army of darkness."

Timo: 100% "A movie so nice it jebaited us thrice."

Alex: 85% "I would play a video game based on this grimdark apocalypse."

Overall Score: 80% (B) "Recommended"

36. Dark Floors (2008)

R | 85 min | Action, Fantasy, Horror

A man emerges with his autistic daughter and three others from a hospital elevator to find themselves trapped in the building with devilish monsters.

Directors: Pete Riski, Alan Smithee | Stars: William Hope, Leon Herbert, Ronald Pickup, Philip Bretherton

Votes: 6,403

VETOED: TIME OF DEATH; 29 MINUTES, 49 SECONDS

Jakoby: 1% "What happened. Nothing."

Erich: 10% "Make your own story, it will be better."

Lukas: 10% "Oh Lordi, its boring."

Timo: 10% "Really fucking boring and the only interesting thing is that it featured metal band that noone remembers."

Overall Score: 8% (F) "Destroy this garbage."

37. Fateful Findings (2013)

Not Rated | 100 min | Drama, Fantasy, Mystery

A computer scientist/novelist reunites with his childhood friend and hacks into government databases, while facing the dire and fateful consequences of his mystical actions obtained as a child.

Director: Neil Breen | Stars: Neil Breen, Klara Landrat, Jennifer Autry, Victoria Viveiros

Votes: 3,849

Jakoby: 70% "A 2010's 'The Room' but with Breen."

Erich: 10% "I've seen better acting and directing from store mannequins."

Lukas: 90% "I give it a big thumb up"

Timo: 100% "A movie filled to the breen with breentiful scenes of sheer breenius."

Alex: 61% "Toilet pills, and the only tiddy you get to see is Neal Breen's"

Winner of Alex's "The Neal Breen Crack Award"

Overall Score: 66% (D) "Only if you really want to."

38. The Jar (1984)

85 min | Horror

A motorist who comes upon an auto accident finds a bottle at the scene. The bottle contains a demon who proceeds to possess him.

Director: Bruce Toscano | Stars: Gary Wallace, Karin Sjöberg, Robert Gerald Witt, Dean Schoepter

Votes: 230

Jakoby: 65% "I feel like a victim of MKUltra."

Erich: 45% "What the hell did we just watch? What was this about? What was it?! Tell me!!! *Confused screeching*"

Lukas: 70% "I dunno fucking know, just leave it at that."

Timo: 69% "I don't know what this movie was."

Overall Score: 62% (D) "Only if you really want to."

This movie almost killed us.

39. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

PG | 95 min | Comedy

97 Metascore

An insane general triggers a path to nuclear holocaust that a War Room full of politicians and generals frantically tries to stop.

Director: Stanley Kubrick | Stars: Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn

Votes: 420,721 | Gross: $0.28M

Jakoby: 100% "The perfect satire, of the absurdity of destruction. And to be fair, I have never seen, a communist drink a glass of water."

Erich: 99% "The best dark comedies ever made."

Lukas: 100% "Gets even funnier with time."

Timo: 100% "The first movie I can't make a shit joke about, because it already did all of them."

Alex: 99% "A perfect example of humanities ability to laugh at the darkest hour of our existence."

Winner of Alex's American Enough To Exist award.

Overall Score: 100% (S) "Hall of the Best"

40. Wheels on Meals (1984)

TV-14 | 100 min | Action, Comedy, Crime

Two Chinese friends, who operate a food truck in Barcelona, Spain, use their martial arts expertise to help their private investigator friend protect the pickpocket Sylvia, who's been targeted by a ruthless gang.

Director: Sammo Kam-Bo Hung | Stars: Jackie Chan, Biao Yuen, Sammo Kam-Bo Hung, Benny Urquidez

Votes: 10,608

Jakoby: 82% "Weird cuts, lack of kung fu. But worth the strange but actually funny comedy. And for the final fight scene alone."

Erich: 80% "It needs more kung-fu"

Lukas: 80% "Its a Jackie Chan Film"

Timo: 85% "It killed me"

Overall Score: 82% (B) "Recommended"

Watched the Golden Harvest Dub, as it was the western release.

41. Police Story (1985)

PG-13 | 100 min | Action, Comedy, Crime

78 Metascore

A virtuous Hong Kong Police Officer must clear his good name when the drug lord he is after frames him for the murder of a dirty cop.

Directors: Jackie Chan, Chi-Hwa Chen | Stars: Jackie Chan, Maggie Cheung, Brigitte Lin, Kwok-Hung Lam

Votes: 25,623 | Gross: $0.11M

Jakoby: 94% "Legitmately one of the best action movies I had ever seen. Even if 90% of the budget, was breakaway glass."

Erich: 95% "The movie that brought us the Jackie Chan we know today."

Timo: 90% "Jackie Chan broke his pelvis for this."

Fenom: 90% "Glass"

Overall Score: 92% (A+) "A Must Watch"

Watched the original Cantonese Version, with English Subs.



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