Pandora's Box of Trash

by Grauminz | created - 04 Jul 2018 | updated - 1 month ago | Public

A couple of years ago my friends decided to search out some really trashy-looking Movies, put them in a box and give me the whole package as a birthday present. This, of course, kick-started a series of evenings where we would get together and watch these incredible cinematic atrocities, eventually delving into similar movies that weren't contained in the original collection. These are our findings.

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1. Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

R | 86 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

A college student creates a drug called "Z" and sells it on campus, inadvertently resurrecting the living dead, who wreak havoc at a Halloween rave.

Director: Ellory Elkayem | Stars: Peter Coyote, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, Cory Hardrict, John Keefe

Votes: 3,879

A fun Zombie flick which uses the self-awareness of its own stupidity quite well to deliver a lot of pretty enjoyable scenes.

2. Jennifer's Body (2009)

R | 102 min | Comedy, Horror

47 Metascore

A newly possessed high school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

Director: Karyn Kusama | Stars: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody, Johnny Simmons

Votes: 108,818 | Gross: $16.20M

While this is definitely one of the better-looking movies on this list, at least in terms of cinematography and general visual quality, it doesn't really bring anything noteworthy to the table and ends up being unfunny, uncreative and really boring.

3. Dragonball Evolution (2009)

PG | 85 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

45 Metascore

The young warrior Son Goku sets out on a quest, racing against time and the vengeful King Piccolo, to collect a set of seven magical orbs that will grant their wielder unlimited power.

Director: James Wong | Stars: Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Yun-Fat Chow, Emmy Rossum

Votes: 67,226 | Gross: $9.35M

This movie is everything you'd expect from a western live-action adaptation of this Series. Dumb, entertaining, over the top action and stilted, awkward character 'development' in the guise of a movie which occasionally tries to throw in random elements from its source material. Glorious.

4. Black Past (1989 Video)

85 min | Horror

Tommy finds a cursed mirror and a diary in an attic in the new house they moved in. The mirror starts to give Tommy horrible and gruesome visions as his crush keeps rising from the dead.

Director: Olaf Ittenbach | Stars: Olaf Ittenbach, Andrea Arbter, André Stryi, Alfons Sigllechner

Votes: 599

The first movie of german apparently-pioneer of gory special effects, Olaf Ittenbach. Setting the very boring and poorly constructed 'plot' of the first half aside, the second half really manages to impress with the quality of its extremely gory and bloody scenes, especially for a movie of this caliber, having quite the small budget and being mostly self-made by Ittenbach.

5. Dark Heritage (1989)

94 min | Horror

Reporter Clint Harrison is sent to investigate a massacre at a Louisiana campground and finds that it may be linked to the Dansen clan an old local family thought to have died out years ago.

Director: David McCormick | Stars: Mark LaCour, Tim Verkaik, Eddie Moore, Joan Parmelee

Votes: 261

6. Flesh-Eating Mothers (1988)

R | 89 min | Comedy, Horror

A venereal disease turns an entire town of two-timing mothers into cannibals!

Director: James Aviles Martin | Stars: Robert Lee Oliver, Donatella Hecht, Neal Rosen, Valorie Hubbard

Votes: 726

7. The Nest (1988)

R | 89 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

Horrifying shocker as a biological experiment goes haywire when meat-eating mutant roaches invade an island community, terrorizing a peaceful New England fishing village and hideously ... See full summary »

Director: Terence H. Winkless | Stars: Robert Lansing, Lisa Langlois, Franc Luz, Terri Treas

Votes: 1,890

8. Ghostkeeper (1981)

R | 89 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller

A group of three friends on a snowmobiling trip find themselves stranded at an abandoned lodge isolated in the mountains. They discover that an old woman resides in the hotel, along with an evil entity that she is keeping in the basement.

Director: Jim Makichuk | Stars: Riva Spier, Murray Ord, Sheri McFadden, Georgie Collins

Votes: 722

Honestly, I don't really remember a thing about this one, aside from the fact that we had a blast watching it. Should I watch it again to confirm this vague memory? Probably. Will I watch it again? Probably not.

9. Evilspeak (1981)

R | 97 min | Horror

An outcast military cadet taps into a way to summon demons and cast spells on his tormentors through his computer.

Director: Eric Weston | Stars: Clint Howard, R.G. Armstrong, Joe Cortese, Claude Earl Jones

Votes: 3,049

'Evilspeak' is quite the embodiment of this whole list. It's trashy, it's 80s, it's boringly slow-paced yet hilariously written and just very nonsensical in general.

10. Soulkeeper (2001)

R | 105 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy

Two thieves down on their luck get hired to steal the Rock of Lazarus, an ancient relic capable of returning evil souls to earth.

Director: Darin Ferriola | Stars: William Bassett, Howard Berger, Jaime Bergman, Vincent Berry

Votes: 1,105

This movie is the only one on this list that I actually rated 10/10 just for the fun of it, solely because the german dub is so hilariously unprofessional that it managed to elevate the watching experience to quite the new level of entertainment. Other than that, it's still dumb fun.

11. Don't Go in the House (1979)

R | 82 min | Horror

A disturbed young man who was burned as a child by his sadistic mother stalks women with a flamethrower.

Director: Joseph Ellison | Stars: Dan Grimaldi, Charles Bonet, Bill Ricci, Robert Carnegie

Votes: 3,446

12. Horror Hospital (1973)

R | 90 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

Jason, a member of a 1960's pop group, decides he needs a break at a country retreat. On the train he meets Judy, niece of Aunt Harris who owns the place with her husband Dr Storm and who ... See full summary »

Director: Antony Balch | Stars: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw, Ellen Pollock

Votes: 1,188

Ah, what a time capsule. Another really good one, even if only due to its dated effects, hilarious editing and cheesy acting. A certain scene involving a car and a buzzsaw had us howling with laughter.

13. Curfew (1989)

R | 82 min | Crime, Drama, Thriller

Two escaped brothers track down the people who sentenced them to death row, including a doctor and the judge. But when they get to the D.A. and his family they have an especially lengthy revenge plot in mind for them.

Director: Gary Winick | Stars: Kyle Richards, Wendell Wellman, John Putch, Frank Miller

Votes: 314

14. Night Train to Terror (1985)

R | 98 min | Horror

God and Satan are on a train discussing the fate of three individuals. The stories of the people in question are told in a trio of very strange vignettes. One involves an insane asylums ... See full summary »

Directors: John Carr, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, Gregg G. Tallas | Stars: Barbara Wyler, Jamie Scoggin, Stacey Lyons, Linda Maderas

Votes: 1,875

To be honest, I'm not too sure about this one. It's bad, obviously, but I really liked the premise and general idea behind this story, despite its obvious cheesiness. Unfortunately, it's just too long and clumsily structured. It just keeps going on and on while simultaneously not going anywhere, sadly making the final, very intense moments frustrating to bear.

15. The Devil's Rain (1975)

PG | 86 min | Horror

A satanist cult leader is burnt alive by the local church. He vows to come back to hunt down and enslave every descendant of his congregation, by the power of the book of blood contracts, in which they sold their souls to the devil.

Director: Robert Fuest | Stars: Ernest Borgnine, Eddie Albert, Ida Lupino, William Shatner

Votes: 2,875

Hey, this one has John Travolta's first movie appearance! And somehow William Shatner? Interesting, to say the least.

16. The Intruder Within (1981 TV Movie)

Unrated | 91 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

Drillers on an oil rig near Antarctica discover that they have accidentally brought up several prehistoric eggs. One egg hatches and becomes an unstoppable creature. Chad Everett and Jennifer Warren risk their lives to stop it.

Director: Peter Carter | Stars: Chad Everett, Joseph Bottoms, Jennifer Warren, Rockne Tarkington

Votes: 351

17. Flesh for the Beast (2003)

R | 89 min | Fantasy, Horror

28 Metascore

Six parapsychologists investigate a reputed haunted mansion and are set upon by three flesh-eating succubus ladies under the control of the sinister warlock owner bent on finding a mysterious amulet to give himself more power.

Director: Terry M. West | Stars: Jane Scarlett, Sergio Jones, Clark Beasley Jr., Jim Coope

Votes: 1,125

18. Ticks (1993)

R | 85 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

A group of troubled teenagers are led by social workers on a California wilderness retreat, not knowing that the woods they are camping in have become infested by mutated, blood-sucking ticks.

Director: Tony Randel | Stars: Rosalind Allen, Ami Dolenz, Seth Green, Virginya Keehne

Votes: 3,596

19. Piranha (1995 TV Movie)

R | 89 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

The private investigator Maggie McNamara from Lyon Investigation is hired by the wealthy J.R. Randolph to find his niece that has disappeared with her boyfriend. Maggie seeks out the lonely... See full summary »

Director: Scott P. Levy | Stars: William Katt, Alexandra Paul, Monte Markham, Darleen Carr

Votes: 1,724

20. Absurd (1981)

Not Rated | 90 min | Horror

A priest comes to a small town to help get rid of a monster whose blood coagulates very fast. This creates problems as the monster is very hard to kill and then decides to go on a killing spree of its own.

Director: Joe D'Amato | Stars: George Eastman, Annie Belle, Charles Borromel, Katya Berger

Votes: 2,171

The initial fun we had with this one mostly came from the fact that the back of the DVD described a plot that had *nothing* to do with this one; it was referencing another movie (that other movie apparently being this one's predecessor, which we obviously didn't know at the time). As for the movie itself, it's one of the most poorly edited and even censored Horror Movies I've ever seen.

21. The Terror Within II (1991)

R | 90 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

In a post-apocalyptic world full of terrifying mutants known as gargoyles, survivors of the last human colony battles against intruding gargoyles a few miles below the Earth's surface.

Director: Andrew Stevens | Stars: Andrew Stevens, Stella Stevens, Chick Vennera, R. Lee Ermey

Votes: 412

22. D@bbe (2006)

110 min | Horror, Thriller

People who live in the U.S. commit suicide curiously. One day, this events start to be shown in Turkey and some facts are realized.

Director: Hasan Karacadag | Stars: Ümit Acar, Ebru Aykaç, Fulya Candemir, Kaan Girgin

Votes: 3,900

23. The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

R | 99 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

39 Metascore

A mercenary with a three-bladed sword rediscovers his royal heritage's dangerous future when he is recruited to help a princess foil the designs of a brutal tyrant and a powerful sorcerer in conquering a land.

Director: Albert Pyun | Stars: Lee Horsley, Kathleen Beller, Simon MacCorkindale, George Maharis

Votes: 5,275 | Gross: $39.10M

This one is just glorious. A fantasy flick from the early 80s that somehow manages to be surprisingly entertaining.

24. Pumpkinhead (1988)

R | 86 min | Fantasy, Horror

47 Metascore

After a tragic accident, a man conjures up a towering, vengeful demon called Pumpkinhead to destroy a group of unsuspecting teenagers.

Director: Stan Winston | Stars: Lance Henriksen, Jeff East, John D'Aquino, Kimberly Ross

Votes: 18,729 | Gross: $4.39M

25. Grotesque (2009)

Not Rated | 73 min | Horror, Thriller

A doctor kidnaps a young couple and forces them into a game of torment that slowly extinguishes their hopes for survival.

Director: Kôji Shiraishi | Stars: Kotoha Hiroyama, Hiroaki Kawatsure, Shigeo Ôsako

Votes: 5,502

26. Dead Alive (1992)

R | 104 min | Comedy, Horror

54 Metascore

A young man's mother is bitten by a Sumatran rat-monkey. She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends, and neighbors.

Director: Peter Jackson | Stars: Timothy Balme, Diana Peñalver, Elizabeth Moody, Ian Watkin

Votes: 87,968 | Gross: $0.24M

What can I say? An impressive, brainless gorefest that luckily ends just before it's getting too redundant. What a ride.

27. Night Terrors (1993)

R | 98 min | Horror

A young girl travels to Cairo to visit her father, and becomes unwillingly involved with a bizarre sadomasochistic cult led by the charismatic Paul Chevalier, who is a descendant of the ... See full summary »

Director: Tobe Hooper | Stars: Robert Englund, Zoe Trilling, Alona Kimhi, Juliano Mer-Khamis

Votes: 1,141

28. Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

80 min | Action, Comedy, Fantasy

A comet crashes into a Japanese forest and a group of mighty ninjas must fight a group of killer Aliens before they reach their village and kill everyone.

Director: Seiji Chiba | Stars: Masanori Mimoto, Shûji Kashiwabara, Donpei Tsuchihira, Mika Hijii

Votes: 2,076

31. There's Nothing Out There (1991)

Unrated | 91 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

When a horror film buff tries to warn his friends of impending danger during March Break, they scoff at him, that is, until sinister things begin to happen.

Director: Rolfe Kanefsky | Stars: Craig Peck, Wendy Bednarz, Mark Collver, Bonnie Bowers

Votes: 1,265

32. Meet the Feebles (1989)

Not Rated | 97 min | Comedy, Music, Musical

Multiple animals and insects experience the sleazier side of show business while working on a variety show.

Director: Peter Jackson | Stars: Danny Mulheron, Donna Akersten, Stuart Devenie, Mark Hadlow

Votes: 18,064

33. Vampirella (1996 Video)

R | 82 min | Action, Fantasy, Horror

Vampirella, a sexy vampiress in a skimpy costume, travels from Drakulon to Earth to seek revenge on the evil vampires who murdered her father. Adam Van Helsing, leader of a high-tech, ... See full summary »

Director: Jim Wynorski | Stars: Talisa Soto, Roger Daltrey, Richard Joseph Paul, Brian Bloom

Votes: 1,279



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