Worst Movies I've Ever Seenby don-lockwood | created - 16 Jan 2011 | updated - 16 Jan 2011 | Public
I've seen some random *beep* And too bad I didn't see the MST3K versions of some of these!
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1. Precautions Against Fanatics (1969)
12 min | Short, Drama
The film features several horse trainers and other track workers talking about their roles at the track, always eventually interrupted by an older man who claims to be the true authority, ... See full summary »
(American title Precautions against Fanatics) Painfully unfunny pseudodocumentary from Werner Herzog, but at least it's in the style that This Is Spinal Tap and the other Christopher Guest comedies of the 1990s and 2000s would make famous.
2. The Eternal Jew (1940)
62 min | Documentary, History
Under the guise of a brutally honest documentary, this malevolent propaganda film aims to be an "indispensable tool in the hands of the Aryan race", designed to depict the "true" Jew when the masks of western civilisation fall off.
Lousy Nazi propaganda.
3. The Giant Gila Monster (1959)
Not Rated | 74 min | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A giant lizard terrorizes a rural Texas community and a heroic teenager attempts to destroy the creature.
Irredeemable, not entertaining, hardly watchable trash.
4. The Killer Shrews (1959)
Not Rated | 69 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
On an isolated island, a small group of people are terrorized by giant voracious shrews in the midst of a hurricane.
Votes: 4,147 | Gross: $1.00M
5. Theresienstadt (1944)
28 min | Short, History
Nazi propaganda film depicting the notorious Theresienstadt concentration camp as a sort of idyllic rest stop, in an attempt to convince world opinion that there was no such thing as Nazi death camps.
Would-be compelling but cruelly deceptive Nazi propaganda. Although this film isn't one of the hate-the-Jews films, nor is it terribly filmed objectively, for completely covering up the atrocities of the Holocaust, it probably deserves to be #1 on this list.
6. The Manster (1959)
Not Rated | 73 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
An American reporter in Japan is sent to interview an eccentric Japanese scientist working on bizarre experiments in his mountain laboratory. When the doctor realizes that the hapless ... See full summary »
7. Jonah Hex (2010)
PG-13 | 81 min | Action, Drama, Fantasy
The U.S. military makes a scarred bounty hunter with warrants on his own head an offer he cannot refuse: in exchange for his freedom, he must stop a terrorist who is ready to unleash Hell on Earth.
Votes: 53,003 | Gross: $10.54M
Inane, plotless comic-book adaptation.
8. Road to Redemption (2001)
PG | 89 min | Action, Comedy, Drama
A couple come into contact with stolen mob money, gamble it away, and end up on the run from gangsters.
I saw this because I fell in love with Julie Condra from The Wonder Years. The problem with this low-budget movie is not that it is so offensive or awful or poorly acted, but with a simple, stupid premise, dull script, substandard photography, and weak direction of the actors, it fails to offer much entertainment value beyond that of a run-of-the-mill late-night TV-movie.
9. All About Steve (2009)
PG-13 | 99 min | Comedy, Romance
Convinced that a CCN cameraman is her true love, an eccentric crossword puzzler trails him as he travels all over the country, hoping to convince him that they belong together.
Votes: 38,318 | Gross: $33.86M
Mostly inoffensive, but pointless and embarrassing for all involved especially at this stage of their careers.
10. Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)
R | 126 min | Drama, Horror, Romance
Two shark hunters flirt with an attractive British lady while hunting down a large tiger shark terrorizing the Mexican East coast.
Beautiful locales and bodies almost keep this crappy Jaws knock-off afloat.
11. My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
PG-13 | 96 min | Comedy, Romance, Sci-Fi
When a regular guy dumps a superhero for her neediness, she uses her powers to make his life a living hell.
Votes: 59,887 | Gross: $22.53M
Stupid, poorly made comedy in which an average Joe unknowingly breaks up with a vindictive sexy superhero. Has Uma Thurman's career ever recovered?
12. Friday the 13th (1980)
R | 95 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A group of camp counselors are stalked and murdered by an unknown assailant while trying to reopen a summer camp where, years before, it was the site of a child's drowning and a grisly double murder.
Votes: 110,031 | Gross: $39.75M
Yep, just ridiculous.
13. Xanadu (1980)
PG | 96 min | Fantasy, Musical, Romance
A struggling artist living in Los Angeles meets a girl who may hold the key to his happiness.
Votes: 11,208 | Gross: $22.76M
Preposterous yet funny filmmaking, but a rocking soundtrack. Poor Gene Kelly, but at least Olivia Newton-John can sing and looks great.
14. Forever, Darling (1956)
Approved | 96 min | Comedy, Fantasy
Susan and Lorenzo have been married for over five years and they are starting to drift apart. So into her life comes an angel, which only Susan can see, to tell her that there will be ... See full summary »
Any film that unites Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, especially one made during the course of I Love Lucy, would be a disappointment in comparison to the landmark TV sitcom. But this movie is a mostly unfunny, drawn-out, labored comedy for the Arnazes.
15. Grease 2 (1982)
PG | 115 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical
A British student at a 1960s American high school must prove himself to the leader of a girls' gang whose members can only date greasers.
Votes: 31,004 | Gross: $15.17M
Ignoring the timeless original, this sequel is not a complete wash, given the early star presence of Michelle Pfeiffer and the two legitimately fun and well-staged numbers, "Cool Rider" and "Score Tonight." But the actors are too self-aware and the T-Birds and Pink Ladies too self-centered and constrained by their codes of conduct to be relatable or even likable.
16. Jud Süß (1940)
98 min | Drama
Infamous anti-Semitic Nazi propaganda historical drama about Duke Karl Alexander of Württemberg and his treasurer Süß Oppenheimer.
Frustrating Nazi propaganda.
17. Wolf Creek (2005)
R | 99 min | Horror, Thriller
Three backpackers stranded in the Australian outback are plunged in a hellish nightmare of insufferable torture by a sadistic psychopathic local.
Votes: 64,603 | Gross: $16.19M
Typical bad slasher film, I imagine. Just one of the few I've ever seen.
18. I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
R | 105 min | Crime, Drama, Mystery
A young woman who was missing reappears, but she claims to be someone else entirely.
Votes: 25,287 | Gross: $7.50M
Surprisingly engaging and disturbing, but a total failure by the end due to the reliance on supernatural elements and awkward storytelling.
19. Body of Evidence (1992)
R | 99 min | Drama, Thriller
A lawyer defends a woman accused of killing her older lover by having sex with him.
Votes: 13,317 | Gross: $13.28M
Excessively melodramatic, hollow crime thriller won Madonna a Razzie even though she's oddly the only one who makes this watchable.
20. The Portrait of a Lady (1996)
PG-13 | 144 min | Drama, Romance
An American girl inherits a fortune and falls into a misguided relationship with a gentleman confidence artist whose true nature, including a barbed and covetous disposition, turns her life into a nightmare.
Votes: 10,264 | Gross: $3.69M
Painfully dark, with a waste of a fine cast. The characters are unsympathetic, and most of them merely exist to torment Nicole Kidman's character.
21. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)
PG-13 | 133 min | Drama
Now out of prison but still disgraced by his peers, Gordon Gekko works his future son-in-law, an idealistic stock broker, when he sees an opportunity to take down a Wall Street enemy and rebuild his empire.
Votes: 94,721 | Gross: $52.47M
Constant chatter and yet what is at the center? A melodramatic, cliched love story. The pacing is terrible, the plot way too convoluted, the characters hypocritical without a purpose, and the redemption of Gordon Gekko completely ill-advised.
22. Down to Earth (1947)
Approved | 101 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Musical
Upset about a new Broadway musical's mockery of Greek mythology, the goddess Terpsichore comes down to earth and lands a part in the show. She works her charms on the show's producer and he... See full summary »
Votes: 980 | Gross: $5.45M
Beautiful art direction and of course Rita Hayworth, but the storyline is ridiculous and the score forgettable.
23. The Invasion (I) (2007)
PG-13 | 99 min | Sci-Fi, Thriller
As a Washington, D.C. psychiatrist unearths the origin of an alien epidemic, she also discovers her son might be the only way it can be stopped.
Votes: 72,158 | Gross: $15.07M
Overedited and schlocky.
24. Jennifer's Body (2009)
R | 102 min | Comedy, Horror
A newly possessed high school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?
Votes: 108,799 | Gross: $16.20M
Interesting premise, but this awkward mix of dark humor and gore just doesn't work, thanks to a nonexistent plot, despite engaging performances from both female leads.
25. Sibling Rivalry (1990)
PG-13 | 87 min | Comedy
A frustrated woman's life gets even more frustrating once she gets into an affair with a man who suffers a fatal heart attack after their fling.
Votes: 2,332 | Gross: $17.85M
Amiable but bland, poorly directed, and slow-paced Carl Reiner rom-com with Kirstie Alley and several other famous stars.
26. Psycho (1998)
R | 105 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A young female embezzler arrives at the Bates Motel, which has terrible secrets of its own.
Votes: 43,869 | Gross: $21.46M
The ghost of Hitchcock inevitably looms large over Gus Van Sant's shot-for-shot color remake, a film of legitimate academic interest but ultimately a weak, bloodless thriller due to miscast actors and stilted performances.
27. Bewitched (2005)
PG-13 | 102 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
Thinking he can overshadow an unknown actress in the part, an egocentric actor unknowingly gets a witch cast in an upcoming television remake of the classic sitcom Bewitched (1964).
Votes: 66,307 | Gross: $62.25M
Nicole Kidman is well cast in theory in the role Elizabeth Montgomery brought to life with her class, charm, and intelligence; unfortunately, the complex setup belies dumbed-down and flimsy character development, and Will Ferrell's brand of humor in particular is out of frame. Michael Caine and especially Shirley MacLaine are underused, but the true standout performance is from Kristin Chenoweth, who plays Isabel's daffy, spastic neighbor.
28. Empire of the Ants (1977)
PG | 89 min | Adventure, Horror, Sci-Fi
Con artist Marilyn Fryser (Dame Joan Collins) tries to sell bogus real estate deals in an area overrun by giant ants.
Dumb, but watchable and hilarious!
29. Brüno (2009)
R | 81 min | Comedy
Flamboyant and gay Austrian Brüno looks for new fame in America.
Votes: 136,131 | Gross: $60.05M
Fascinating failed attempt at satire/comedy wrings few laughs despite its (too) shocking content and Cohen's committed character turn.
30. Awake (2007)
R | 84 min | Crime, Drama, Mystery
A wealthy young man undergoing heart transplant surgery discovers that the surgical team intend to murder him.
Votes: 70,395 | Gross: $14.38M
Quite watchable, but senseless, thriller. Lena Olin gives a good performance.
31. The Divorce (2003)
PG-13 | 117 min | Drama, Romance, Comedy
French vs. American social customs and behaviors are observed in a story about an American visiting her Frenchman-wed sister in Paris.
Votes: 10,706 | Gross: $9.07M
Melodramatic misfire in which expatriate half-sisters deal with one's messy divorce in Paris. The film plods along due to an uninspired script, flat characterizations, and absent direction. The only redeeming feature is the talented but wasted cast.
32. Nim's Island (2008)
PG | 96 min | Adventure, Family, Fantasy
A young girl inhabits an isolated island with her scientist father and communicates with a reclusive author of the novel she's reading.
Votes: 32,078 | Gross: $48.01M
Very disappointing adventure in which a little girl (Abigail Breslin) enlists the help of her favorite author, a closeted xenophobe (Jodie Foster), when her father goes missing from the secluded South Pacific island where they live. Foster is very funny and quirky, but the film itself is poorly written, directed, and edited, and Breslin's performance is unbelievably unimpressive.