Autobots and Decepticons are at war, with humans on the sidelines. Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth.
Robbed of his birthright, Arthur comes up the hard way in the back alleys of the city. But once he pulls the sword from the stone, he is forced to acknowledge his true legacy - whether he likes it or not.
In sun-kissed Emerald Bay, the vigorous Lieutenant Mitch Buchannon and Baywatch, his elite team of hand-picked and perfectly tanned lifeguards, protect the bay, keeping both sunbathers and beach lovers safe. However, this summer, two new eager trainees will join the demanding life-saving program, as well as an insubordinate former Olympic swimmer, who are all called to prove their worth on the lifeguard towers just on time when a new synthetic street drug begins to infest the Emerald Bay: the flakka. Without a doubt, this calls for some serious undercover teamwork action, as the badgeless heroes in spandex comb the beach for shady newcomers and nefarious entrepreneurs with hidden agendas of their own. Can Mitch's band save the bay? Written by
Comedy is dead. Baywatch has made me lose any hope of any movie being funny in 2017. If this is the best Hollywood can do, they are done for.
There is no inspiration or creativity to be found. The idea is: Hey, 21 Jump Street was hilarious! What would happen if we did the same thing for (fill in the blank)? 21 Jump Street was one of the rare occasions where a TV-adaptation film was worth seeing, and ultimately, ended up being better than the source material. What was Baywatch originally? A horrible TV show in the 80's. It existed only to show off the glistening, bouncing, beautiful bodies of it's lead actors David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. There isn't much material to make a film off of. That is, unless, the filmmakers went nuts and turned the source material into an absurd farce.. lets say of the Will Ferrel variety. Instead, Baywatch 2017 is a lopsided, painfully stupid, unbearably dull, cringe- inducing insult to the intelligence of the filmgoing public. Pain and Gain had more nuanced humor. Mike and Dave was the funnier Zac Efron movie. Let that sink it.
I might have said, "This makes no sense", out-loud in the movie theater about 10 times. They made a film completely out of action-comedy clichés, strung together incoherently. The big laugh set- pieces are desperate. One joke in particular is a genital mishap lifted directly from "There's Something About Mary". That joke is 20-years old. If you're going to be a thief, at least steal something timely. The cast might be the only positive thing I can note. They are all really charming, and sexy to look at, but at what cost?
I couldn't think of a worse film to be slated for Memorial Day weekend. This is going to be a long, hot summer of Hollywood failures.
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