Memorable quotes for
Stardust (2007)

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Bishop: [toasting the princes] To the new king of Stormhold. Whichever of you fine fellows it might be.
[they acknowledge him and sip their grog; he chokes and collapses forward, dead]
Tertius: Hmm.
[chortles nervously as they eye each other suspiciously; his eyes suddenly open wide; he chokes and falls forward, dead]
Septimus: [to Primus] You...
[clutches throat and chokes, falls backward onto floor; Primus smiles, incredulous, picks up the crown as if to put it on his head]
Septimus: [suddenly breaks into laughter] You really thought that you were king?
Primus: You killed the bishop.
Septimus: No, Primus, I think you'll find that YOU killed the bishop by drinking from the wrong cup! Oh, when you're done wrestling with your conscience, I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

---

[first lines]
Narrator: A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really...”Do the stars gaze back?" Now *that's* a question.

---

Old Pirate: [to Captain Shakespeare, after finding him in drag] We always knew you were a whoopsie...

---

Secundus: [as he overlooks the balcony] I see the kingdom, father. The whole of Stormhold.
King: And...
Secundus: My kingdom?
King: Maybe... Look up.
[Secondus looks up to the sky, the king looks to Septimus. Septimus smiles and pushes Secondus off the balcony]

---

[repeated line]
Yvaine: What do stars do? They shine.

---

Tristan: You sort of - glitter now. Is it... Is it normal?
Yvaine: Let's see if you can work it out for youself. What do stars do?
Tristan: Hmm... Attract trouble?
[Yvaine pushes him, amused]
Tristan: [grinning] All right, I'm sorry. Let me do another guess. Is it: Do they know exactly how to annoy a boy called Tristan Thorn?

---

Young Dunstan Thorn: . Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look. Do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non human? No, and you know why? Because it's a field!

---

Guard: [at the wall] I'm charged with guarding the portal to another world, and you're asking me to just let you through!
Young Dunstan Thorn: Yes. Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look,
[pointing to the field at the other side of the wall]
Young Dunstan Thorn: do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non human? No. And you know why? Because it's a field!
Guard: Hundreds of years this wall has been here. Hundreds of years has been kept by a twenty-four-hour guard.
Young Dunstan Thorn: Well...
[the guard interrupts him]
Guard: One more word, and I'll have you up in front of the village council!
Young Dunstan Thorn: Well that's... that's irrefutable... Better just go home then...
Guard: Good night, Dunstan.
[Dunstan begins to walk away]
Guard: Give my best to your father.
[Suddenly Dunstan turns around and runs and crosses the wall]
Guard: Stop! Stop!
[Dunstan keeps running]

---

Yvaine: [in the pirate ship] Tell me about Victoria.
Tristan: Well, she... she... There's nothing else to tell you.
Yvaine: The little I know about love is that it's unconditional. It's not something you can buy.
Tristan: Hang on! This wasn't about me trying to buy her love. This was to prove to her how I felt.
Yvaine: Ah... And what's she doing to prove how she feels about you?
Tristan: Well... Look, Yvaine, you'll understand when you meet her, all right? If we don't get murdered by pirates first.
Yvaine: Mmm... Murdered by pirates, heart torn out and eaten, meet Victoria... I can't quite decide which sounds more fun...

---

[Dunstan gets into the market at Stormhold. Sees a beautiful lady and stares at her. An older woman talks to him]
Ditchwater Sal: I don't deal with time wasters.
[to her slave girl]
Ditchwater Sal: Get over it, attend the stall. I'm off to "The Slathered Prince" for a pint.
[goes away]
Ditchwater Sal: [the slave approaches him]
Slave Girl: See anything you like?
Young Dunstan Thorn: [seeing her] Umm... Definitely
[the slave laughs]
Young Dunstan Thorn: I mean. what, wha-wha-what I meant was
[sees some flowers]
Young Dunstan Thorn: These ones, the blue ones. How-how much are they?
Slave Girl: They might be the colour of your hear. Or they might be all of your memories before you were three. I can check if you like. Anyway, you shouldn't buy the blue ones
[takes a white flower]
Slave Girl: Buy this one instead. Snowdrop. It'll bring you luck.
Young Dunstan Thorn: But what doeas that cost?
Slave Girl: This one
[meaning the flower]
Slave Girl: costs a kiss.
[the slave girl places the flower in Dunstan's jacket. He is going to kiss her in her cheek, but she moves they kiss]
Slave Girl: Is she gone?
[meaning Ditchwater Sal]
Slave Girl: Follow me.
[She walks to the caravan behind her and Dunstan folloes her. He notices she has a chain tied in her ankle]
Slave Girl: I'm a princess. Tricked into being the witch's slave. Would you liberate me?
[Dunstan cuts the chain, but it fastens again]
Slave Girl: It's an enchanted chain. I'll only be free when she dies. Sorry.
Young Dunstan Thorn: Well... If I can't liberate you. What do you want of me?
[the slaves gives him her hand and they both get into the caravan]

---

[knocks at Dunstan's door. Dunstan opens it]
Guard: This was left at the wall for you.
[gives to Dunstan a basket which contains a baby]
Guard: Says here his name is Tristan.

---

Tristan: [practicing in front of a mirror] Father I lost my job. Father, I... I lost my job, I'm sorry. Father...
Dunstan Thorn: [behind him, completing his sentence] You lost your job.

---

Guard: Dunstan Thorn, not again!
Tristan: It's Tristan, actually.
Guard: Oh. You do look a bit like your father. And I suppose you intend to cross the wall as well, do you?
Tristan: Cross the wall as well as who?
Guard: No one. Nobody.
[Tristan walks to cross the wall]
Guard: Nobody crosses the wall! You know that! Everybody knows that.
Tristan: You know, I know. I understand. Nobody. Well I better head to the old home then.
Guard: Good night, then. Good night, Tristan.
Tristan: Good night.
[begins to walk away]
Guard: Give my best to your father.
[Tristan turns around and runs to cross the wall like Dunstan but the guard stops him and begins to hit Tristan with his wooden cudgel and Tristan ends in the ground]
Guard: [casually] Off you go.

---

Lamia: Limbus grass! You dare to steal truth from my lips by feeding me Limbus grass! You don't know the big mistake you've had made, Ditchwater Sal.
Ditchwater Sal: [scared] How do you know my... Who are you?
Lamia: Look again.
[she shows her true identity]
Ditchwater Sal: [kneel before Lamia] I shall not seek the star you dark majesty. I swear.
Lamia: Seek it you wish.
Lamia: [casting a spell] You shall not see the star, touch it, smell or hear. You will not see her even if she stands right before you. Pray you never meet me again, Ditchwater Sal.

---

Voice of the stars: [to Tristan as he's sleeping, causing him to see it] Tristan. Tristan. Yvaine is in grave danger. A unicorn came to help her, but now they're heading into a trap. No star is safe in Stormhold. The last one fell 400 years ago and was captured by the same witches who seek Yvaine now. They tricked her, cared for her, and when her heart was once more aglow they cut it from her chest and ate it.
[he jerks awake]
Voice of the stars: There's no time to waste. A coach is coming. By any means possible you must get on it. Run!

---

[Tristan is on the ground and Primus has his sword at his throat]
Primus: If Septimus insists on sending a boy to do a man's job...
Tristan: No! Please, I don't know Septimus. I just need a lift. Look at me, I'm unarmed. Please. Please, let me ride with you.
[Primus returns to his carriage and Tristan stands up and follows him]
Primus: I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm on a quest of enormous importance.
[Gets on the carriage]
Tristan: All the better reason to take me with you. Maybe you'll need a second pair of hands. Sir, please. Maybe Providence sent me to you as it sent you to me.
Primus: Get on.

---

[a girl gives a cup to Tristan]
Tristan: Thank you. I'm Tristan. What's your name?
Girl Bernard: [in his own voice] Bernard.
[goes away]

---

Yvaine: [in the pirate ship] They're going to kill us, aren't they?
Tristan: I don't know.
Yvaine: You know, I used to watch... I used to watch people having adventures. I envied them.
Tristan: You ever heard the expression "Be careful of what you wish for"?
Yvaine: So I deserve to be hunted for my heart and...
Tristan: I didn't mean it like that. Look, I admire your dream. A shop boy like me... I never imagined an adventure this big. I just thought I'd find some celestial rock, take it home and that would be it.
Yvaine: And you got me.
[both begin to laugh]
Yvaine: If there's one thing I know about all my years watching Earth, is that people aren't what they may seem. There are shop boys, and there are boys that just happened to work in a shop for the time being. And trust me Tristan, you are no shop boy. You saved my life. Thank you.
[takes Tristan's hand]

---

Yvaine: [to Captain Shakespeare] I can't believe your crew fell for that. And where in God's name did you get that mannequin?

---

Tristan: [he crashed against and fell on top of Yvaine] Mother? Oh! Oh, Mother. I'm so sorry. Are you all right?
Yvaine: No, I'm not and I'm not your mother. So get off me!
Tristan: [stands up] You're not my mother?
Yvaine: Do I look like I'm your mother?
Tristan: No, sorry. Are you all right? Do you want some help?
Yvaine: Help by leaving me alone!
Tristan: All right...
[begins to walk away, talks to himself]
Tristan: Oh my God! "Light the candle and think of me". I was, I was thinking of my mo... but then Victoria and the star just popped...
[to Yvaine]
Tristan: Oh, excuse me, madame, sorry, this may see strange but, have you seen a falling star anywhere?
Yvaine: You're funny.
Tristan: No, really. We're in a crater, this must be where it fell.
Yvaine: [sarcastic] Yeah, this where it fell. It is, or if you want to be really specific up there
[pointing to the sky]
Yvaine: is where this weird bloody necklace
[shows him the necklace around her neck]
Yvaine: came out of nowhere and knocked it out of the heavens without minding it's own bussines. And over there is where it landed. And right here, here is where it got hit by a magical flying MORON!
Tristan: You're the star? You're the star? Really? Oh, wow! I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd be it. Oh, I, may I just say for advanced that I'm sorry.
Yvaine: Sorry for what?
Tristan: For this.
[takes out a chain and ties it up to Yvaine's hand]
Tristan: Now, if I'm not mistaken this means you have to come with me. You're going to be a birthday gift for Victoria, my true love.
Yvaine: [sarcastic] But of course! Nothing says "romance" like a kidnapped injured woman! I'm not going anywhere with you!

---

Tristan: I'm sorry, madam, but have you seen a fallen star anywhere?
[she laughs bitterly]
Tristan: No, really! We're in a crater - this must be where it fell!
Yvaine: Yeah, this is where it fell. Or, if you want to get really specific, up there is where this weird bloody necklace came and knocked it out of the heavens while it was minding it's own business. And over *there* is where it landed. And right here... this is where it got hit by a magical flying moron.
Tristan: You're the star? You're the star? Really. Oh wow. Sorry. I didn't expect you to be a... Well, may I just say that I am sorry.
Yvaine: Sorry for what?
Tristan: [puts the enchanted chain around her wrist] For this. See you're going to be a birthday gift for Victoria, my true love.

---

Tristan: [Yvaine is having a bath and he surprises her] Excuse me
Yvaine: [surprised] Oh!
Tristan: I think you're in my bath.
Yvaine: Close your eyes!
Tristan: [turns around and laughs] Honestly I'm not looking. Here, I'll turn away.
[laughs]
Yvaine: [with a towel on] Ok, you can open them now.
Tristan: Did you really mean what you said in the caravan?
Yvaine: What I...? But... You were a mouse! You were a mouse... you wanted cheese! You didn't... I asked you to give me a sign!
Tristan: And risk you being too embarrassed to keep saying to me lovely things?
[kisses her forehead]
Tristan: You want to know what the Captain really whispered to me that day?
[Yvaine nods]
Tristan: He told me that my true love
[Yvaine begins to glow]
Tristan: was right in front of my eyes. And he was right.
[they kiss]

---

Captain Shakespeare: Yvaine... I know what you are.
[Yvaine starts]
Captain Shakespeare: Have no fear, no one on this vessel will harm you, but there are many that would... Your emotions give you away, Yvaine, you must learn to control them. You've been glowing more brightly every day and I think you know why.
Yvaine: Of course I know why I'm glowing. I'm a star! And what the stars do best?
Captain Shakespeare: Well, certainly not the waltz.
Tristan: [approaches to dance with Yvaine, when they begin to dance, Yvaine begins to glow. While they dance, they stop] I'll try again.
Yvaine: Ok.
Tristan: [he dances pretty well with her] See?
Yvaine: Very good.
Tristan: Thank you.
[they keep dancing]

---

Septimus: [upon seeing Captain Shakespeare in drag] What the hell is this?

---

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

---

Lackey: [by the sea] Your hisence, the soothsayer as you requested.
Septimus: [to the soothsayer] South you said and south we went. Still no stone. Now do you propose we start swimming?
Soothsayer: Sire, I merely relate to you what the runes have told me. I can do more.
Septimus: Well, consult them again.
[the soothsayer is about to do so when Septimus halts him]
Septimus: Wait! Before we seek the stone... I have another question: Am I the seventh son?
Soothsayer: [lays out the runes and reads them after they fall with three joined together and one leaning away] Yes.
Septimus: Another question. Is my favorite color blue?
Soothsayer: [lays out the runes once more and reads them] Yes.
Septimus: Has excessive begging or pleading ever persuaded me to spare the life of a traitor?
Soothsayer: [nervously lays out the runes and is afraid when they turn over scattered away from each other] Um...
Septimus: What does that mean?
Soothsayer: That means no.
Septimus: Good! Throw them again. But this time throw them high.
Soothsayer: [throws the runes high in the air]
Septimus: [while the runes are mid-air] Do you work for my brother?
[the runes come down and read "Yes", Septimus removes his dagger and kills the soothsayer]

---

Yvaine: Hmm... Murdered by pirates, a heart torn out and eaten, meet Victoria... Can't quite decide which sounds more fun...

---

Tristan: [dazed just after returning to human form] Victoria!
Yvaine: I think I preferred "Mother."

---

Yvaine: Are you tempted?
Tristan: Tempted, by what?
Yvaine: Immortality. Let's say it wasn't my heart. Not me. Just a star you didn't know.
Tristan: You seriously think I could kill anybody. Even if I could, I mean, everlasting life? I imagine it would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.

---

Septimus: [as he holds a sword to Tristan's throat] Who are you? What business do you have here?
Tristan: [he sees the number 7 mark on Septimus' hand] Septimus... I knew your brother Primus.
Septimus: Unless you would love to join him in the afterlife then I suggest you answer my question. What are you doing here?
Tristan: I might ask you the same thing!
[Septimus realizes that Tristan is holding a blade to his gut]
Septimus: Hmm.
[They both lower their weapons and peer through the window]
Septimus: There are four of them. Do as I say and we may stand a chance.
Tristan: Wait! How do I know you can be trusted?
Septimus: You don't. Why? Do you have a choice?
Tristan: No.
Septimus: Well then, let's go.

---

[last lines]
Narrator: They ruled for 80 years. But no man can live forever, except he who possesses the heart of a star, and Yvaine gave hers to Tristan completely. When their children and grandchildren were grown, it was time to light the Babylon Candle.
[there is a flash of light from inside the royal quarters, the camera then pans up to the sky where two brighter stars have appeared]
Narrator: and they still live happily ever after.

---

Yvaine: Would I be correct in thinking that you can neither see nor hear me? Then I'd like to tell you that you smell of pee. You look like the wrong end of a dog. And I swear, if I don't get my Tristan back as he was, I'll be your personal poltergeist!

---

Captain Shakespeare: And, Yvaine, I have some lovely dresses; take your pick.
Yvaine: [surprised] I'm fine.
Captain Shakespeare: [quietly] Honey... you're wearing a bathrobe.

---

Tristan: What the hell did you do?
Yvaine: What did I do? What did YOU do? Think of home? That was a GREAT plan! You thought of your home and I thought of mine and now we're halfway between the two!
Tristan: Well you stupid cow! What did you think of your home for?
Yvaine: You just said home! If you wanted me to think of your home you should have said!
Tristan: Some crazy lady was going to cut your heart out and you wanted more specific instructions? Perhaps you'd want it in writing or a diagram maybe?

---

Captain Shakespeare: So! Name your best price.
Ferdy the Fence: For 10,000 bolts?
Captain Shakespeare: 10,000 bolts of finest quality grade-A.
Ferdy the Fence: Yeah, but it's difficult to shift, isn't it? Difficult to store. Forget the revenue man in here sniffin' around. Uhmmm... Best price? 150 Guineas.
Captain Shakespeare: [to his crew] Gentlemen, put the merchandise back on board and prepare to sail.
Ferdy the Fence: Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, cuddles. 160? 160.
Captain Shakespeare: Seeing as I'm feeling particularly generous today, I'll settle for 200.
Ferdy the Fence: 200? Okay, you're having a laugh.
[laughs]
Ferdy the Fence: Have you had your head in that? Has he been stayin' up where the air's too thin?
Captain Shakespeare: [darkly] You're being very rude.
Ferdy the Fence: Not anymore.
Captain Shakespeare: 200.
Ferdy the Fence: 180.
Captain Shakespeare: 200.
Ferdy the Fence: That's not negotiation! I'm changing my number! 185.
Captain Shakespeare: Did I hear 200?
Ferdy the Fence: From you, you did. Yeah.
Captain Shakespeare: You said 200?
Ferdy the Fence: If I did, you're a ventriloquist. Okay, 195. Final offer.
Captain Shakespeare: 195 it is.
[shakes hands]
Captain Shakespeare: So, with sales tax, that's... let's see... 200.
Ferdy the Fence: [resignedly] Brilliant. Put it in the back.

---

Primus: [speaking of his father, played by Peter O'Toole] There was not a horse or beast he could not master. So much so that in his youth, he took to riding a camel... which was comical.

---

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