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Haley Graham:
If you think that I'm getting on this competition floor with some stupid, watered down, cookie-cutter routine, you are seriously senile.
Burt Vickerman: You gonna be ready soon?
Haley Graham: Yup.
Burt Vickerman: You gonna hurt yourself?
Haley Graham: Probably.
Burt Vickerman: Just don't get any blood on the equipment.
Haley Graham: ...Too late!
Haley Graham: If you're gonna eat mat, you eat mat hard.
Poot: Dude, how did we not know about this sport?
Joanne: Don't do it Vic. This is a really bad idea. If you get on this tramp you will have a cardiovasectomy. I'll have a cardiovasectomy! Think about your wenis!
Burt Vickerman: Listen, I don't suppose, uh, college gymnastics is on your to-do list, right?
Haley Graham: Correct. College gymnastics is one big fat to-don't.
Burt Vickerman: Great. Then in addition to sparing innocent collegiate gymnastics coaches everywhere, you can keep any purse money that you might win, free and clear.
Haley Graham: I'm not competing or training again. Ever.
Burt Vickerman: Oh, you're gonna piss off the judge and kiss 18 goodbye?
Haley Graham: I guess.
Burt Vickerman: Hey. The IG Classic is comin' up in a month. Now you apply yourself, you could win some restitution money. It could get ya outta here. What do you think?
Haley Graham: I think if you showed up at the Classic with me an angry mob would probably cut your brakes.
Burt Vickerman: I got insurance.
Haley Graham: Oh, really? Well, no, thank you. This sport is a total joke. You know this. Sorry to dis your life's work and all. No offense.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, none taken. Now, there's nothin' fair about a girl landing a double pike and losing a tenth 'cause her toes weren't pointed. Nothin' fair about judges who don't have instant replay, and they're lookin' for perfection. Can you imagin football without instant replay? It'd be mayhem.
Haley Graham: Well, what about the rules?
Burt Vickerman: What? The Code of Point? Hey...
Haley Graham: Yeah. It makes conventionality good and innovation bad. What's the point?
Burt Vickerman: How 'bout the fact that you were one of the greatest natural talents the sport's ever seen? Hmm? C'mon. You coulda been great.
Haley Graham: [chuckling] You're not actually pushing the "you coulda been great" speech. You are a total cliche. You realize that, right?
Burt Vickerman: Oh, OK, come on, uh, Original Recipe, let's hear it. You give me the speech.
Haley Graham: Fine. Uh... Talent out of the ass. Natural ability that half the world's gymnasts would kill for, and you're flushing it away. Don't flush your life away, kid.
[Beat]
Haley Graham: Step away from the bowl. Whatever.
Burt Vickerman: Well, you got the words right, anyway.
Haley Graham: I wasn't great. I was obedient. I'm sick and tired of being judged. I don't need it.
Burt Vickerman: Fascinating.
Haley Graham: What?
Burt Vickerman: For someone who hates being judged, you're one of the most judgemental people I've ever met. Come on.
[Outisde at his car]
Burt Vickerman: Well, it's only about five miles to the gym. Just down here. Hang a right at the gas station.
Haley Graham: I know how to get back.
Burt Vickerman: Oh, good. Hey. Hey, Miss Rebel Without Applause. Tell you what... you choose to compete in the IG Classic, you can come back. How's that?
[beat]
Burt Vickerman: Hike'll give you a chance to think things over.
Burt Vickerman: This isn't the real world. This is my world. You don't have to like me or like it here, but you do have to respect it.
Haley Graham: Respect?
[laughing]
Haley Graham: Is this how you respect people? I mean, you throw'em over a shoulder and violate their personal space?
[thumbs up]
Burt Vickerman: Oh, goody. I heard you were like this. I'm so glad it's true.
Haley Graham: I'm sorry. What is it that you've done to earn my respect?
Burt Vickerman: We have rules. We have rules for training.
Haley Graham: Oh.
Burt Vickerman: And the reason that we have rules and coaches is because this is gymnastics.
[Haley makes faces at him, he knocks her hat off]
Burt Vickerman: Hey!
Haley Graham: That was rude.
[sighs]
Burt Vickerman: While danger and risk is the reality of what we do Haley, it's calculated. Can't be calculated if you don't respect the laws.
Haley Graham: Uh-huh.
Burt Vickerman: [pushes Haley off of the beam] The laws of gravity for instance.
Haley Graham: OK, what's your point?
Burt Vickerman: Look, I want you to be back here tomorrow at 10am, ready to train. Or we can call the judge and you can go to jail. Hey, you decide.
Haley Graham: [walking off] Don't expect me to train.
Burt Vickerman: And lose the hat tomorrow.
Haley Graham: Lose the gum.
Haley Graham: Dalmatians are born with spots they don't earn them which is exactly my point.
Joanne: [Poot asks the girls to skip practice when Vic gets hurt] No! We still have workouts to finish.
Mina Hoyt: Who died and made you Nadia?
Joanne: Vick! When can we scrap the old long-sleeve leotards? We need new ones for championships. Every college will be scouting me!
[to Haley]
Joanne: Not that you have to worry about any of that.
Haley Graham: New leotard might distract, you know, the judges and scouts from your
[beat]
Haley Graham: lack of talent. It's a solid strategy.
Joanne: Gee, Pariah Carey, I wonder why no one's scouting you. Oh! I forgot. You don't matter.
Haley Graham: [to Vickerman] That she can even say the word "college" is an indictment against the whole institution.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, Filibuster, no one cares.
[to Wei Wei]
Burt Vickerman: Wei Wei! Those moves are throwing off your routines.
Wei Wei Yong: Sorry.
Burt Vickerman: [to Haley] Chalk. Storage closet. Now.
Poot: Hi, I'm Poot and this is my hetero life mate, Frank.
Joanne: [Falls asleep, snores, then jumps awake] What'd I miss?... Just kidding!
[Tricia hugs her coach after beam event]
Joanne: [sarcastically] Why don't you just make out?
Tricia Skilken: What do you think, huh Wei Wei? Beat that.
Wei Wei Yong: Oh, I'm so shaking things up!
Frank: I have a gut feeling something bad is gonna happen.
[farts]
Poot: Man, why do you always have to bite my moment? Did it taste good?
Frank: [Slurps] Delicious.
Joanne: Vic, can we retire the old long-sleeved leotards? I have a constitutional right to bare arms.
[flexes]
Joanne: Woohoo, Bailey's back
[chokes]
Burt Vickerman: Joanne, go do your independent study.
Joanne: Well, doesn't she have to homeschool?
Haley Graham: Mina? Tell the foxymoron I got my GED when I was 15.
Mina Hoyt: Joanne, Haley got her GED when she was 15.
Joanne: What's with all the closed captioning? I'm not mute! And GED? What does drunk driving have to do with school?
Joanne: What's with all the closed captioning? I'm not mute! And GED... what does drunk driving have to do with anything?
Haley Graham: Don't worry, my heads up my butt too.
Judge Westreich: [talking to Hayley] There are a lot of great people who have jerks for parents, we gotta stick together.
[winks]
Joanne: OK, anything to get out of this tard, that's leo-tard without the leo in case your wondering.
Poot: Dude she's hot. What you don't think she's hot?
Frank: Man, she's got an apple butt.
Poot: A what?
Frank: An apple butt.
Haley Graham: Haley Graham: Gymnastics tells you no. All day long. It mocks you over and over again. Telling you you're an idiot. That you're crazy. If you like running fullspeed towards a stationary object, vault's for you. If you like pealing pieces of skin the size of quarters of your hands... bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun then rips, is when your rips get rips. It's super sexy. And floor, are you serious, I mean who doesn't want to parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It's delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is thee sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and your pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling... I LOVED IT!
Tricia Skilken: Go ahead, scratch. You're all zeros anyways.
Dorrie: I said pointy feet, not pointy words! Pointy words are mouth turds.
Burt Vickerman: Go get changed, warm up and join vault rotation.
Haley Graham: Uh, sorry. I accidentally burned all my leotards last year. Hope this is okay!
Joanne: Deja jealous Haley?
Haley Graham: Yes, I'm so jealous of Joanne that I've already memorized her pre-school beam routine.
Dorrie: Hey, easy. I choreographed that routine.
Joanne: Deja jealous Haley?
Haley Graham: Yes, I'm so jealous of Joanne that I've already memorized her preschool beam routine.
Dorrie: Hey, easy. I choreographed that routine.
Haley Graham: [in a russian accent] Your secret is safe with me!
Burt Vickerman: Are you gonna learn to control your tricks or do we need to have an ambulance on call?
Haley Graham: Call 'em up.
Burt Vickerman: I haven't had four girls qualify for championships in a long time.
Haley Graham: Define long.
Burt Vickerman: I haven't had four girls qualify... ever.
[pauses]
Haley Graham: Are you gonna cry?
Burt Vickerman: No it's a nice thing! Beautiful!
[walks off]
Haley Graham: [walking after him] What, you can cry! It doesn't make you any less of a man Vicky! Don't worry, I won't tell the parents!
Haley Graham: Stop being so nasty, Joanne.
Joanne: It's not called gym-nice-stics.
Burt Vickerman: You're popping your clutch, losing traction.
Haley Graham: I'm not popping shit.
Burt Vickerman: Are you sure?
Haley Graham: I'm so sure I'm practically deodorant.
Haley Graham: I heard you were strict about diet, but this is just rude.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, you piss where I eat, you don't eat.
Haley Graham: Oh, but you do? Does this mean you're eating my piss? Cause that's disgusting.
Burt Vickerman: Where is this deduction coming from?
Head Vault Judge: Her bra was showing, Burt. It is an automatic deduction if an undergarment is showing, Burt!
Burt Vickerman: She's flipping through the air, Doris, she's spinning! Of course her bra popped out! That rule is ancient!
Head Vault Judge: Apparently so is her bra.
Burt Vickerman: [to Mina] Your bra was showing.
[to audience]
Burt Vickerman: One-tenth off because her bra was showing!
[audience boos]
Joanne: [hugs Mina] Even I think that's low. And I should be happy, I mean, I want to win!
Poot: This casa's not su casa, no way.
Stussy: Get out!
Poot: There's like 6 other empty pools!
Stussy: That aren't as deep.
Poot: You're not that good!
Haley Graham: Did you see that? Can you believe it?
Poot: Yeah, are you... totally covered in soda or what?
Haley Graham: Yeah, thanks.
Frank: I'm so pissed at that kid, dude. We were totally gonna throw drinks on you. I feel so upstaged.
Poot: I know! Who do they think they are? They think they can just hate on you like that?
Frank: It's a bloody outrage, I tell you!
Poot: They're fakers, that's what! I can't stand fake Haley-haters! WE HATE HALEY MORE, PEOPLE, SO GET IN LINE!
Haley Graham: [whispers] Will you guys shut up?
Poot: Can I be upset?
Haley Graham: Can I go compete?
Frank: Can I eat? I'm so hungry.
Poot: [rubs Frank's head] Let's go get some nachos.
Poot: [to Frank, after insulting Joanne] Dude, I totally hate you right now.
Joanne: You know boys?
Haley Graham: Yeah, they're called friends. You should try it sometime.
Burt Vickerman: Haley's got a point. Why not have an in house competition?
Joanne: Uh, because we no lo needo.
Burt Vickerman: Let's get back to work, ladies. And try not to kill Haley in her sleep.
Joanne: Vic, we need new leotards for championships! All the colleges will be scouting me!
[looks at Haley]
Joanne: Not that you have to worry about any of that.
Haley Graham: New leotards might distract the judges and scouts from your lack of talent. It's a solid strategy!
Haley Graham: [in response to Vickerman's gold-medal promises to several parents] Yeah, um, you've got a lot of people going to the Olympics. Just curious, what country will they be representing? The state of delusion?
Joanne: What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!
Joanne: Call me!
Poot: Stalk you!
Haley Graham: It's Mina, right?
Joanne: Mina, put down the phone!
Haley Graham: Can you tell Joanne I'm gonna take over and do a REAL dismount?
Mina Hoyt: Joanne, Haley's on the phone. She says she's gonna do a real dismount.
Joanne: I heard her, thank you!
Haley Graham: How about, a double back?
Burt Vickerman: You will not throw a double back without training it first Haley!
Haley Graham: A little CPR will do you good.
Haley Graham: I think you should get on the tramp again, you know, just to make sure you still suck.
Joanne: So is Frank your, like, boyfriend?
Haley Graham: Like, no.
Joanne: Is Poot?
Haley Graham: no!
Joanne: Why not?
Haley Graham: Eww!
Joanne: So they're, like, fair game?
Poot: [shoves Haley out of the way] I prefer the term meat, please.
Joanne: That was spastic.
Poot: Thank you. May I accompany you to the jelly beans?
Joanne: You may.
Poot: Why you always gotta bite my moment?
Haley Graham: Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by the leotards people, the things gymnasts do make navy seals look like wusses. And we do them without a gun.
Joanne: [Jealous that some girl-girls are getting attention from some hot guys] What do they have that we don't have?
Wei Wei Yong: Lives.
Mina Hoyt: Time.
Haley Graham: Boobs.
[Mina and Wei Wei look at their chests]
Poot: Dude, when is whipped bad?
[pause]
Poot: Ever.
Tricia Skilken: [to Haley] Game Over!
[Haley laughs]
[after Haley's first scratch]
Burt Vickerman: Wait. Next time you should stick your tongue out too.
Haley Graham: I would, but my coach likes it when I control my tricks.
[he laughs]
Mina Hoyt: You were amazing. You'll win floor at event finals for sure.
Nastia Liukin: No. I didn't even qualify.
Mina Hoyt: That is so lame.
Tricia Skilken: [sarcastic] Boohoo. Stop whining.
Nastia Liukin: Diva!
Mina Hoyt: Devil!
Haley Graham: [voiceover] The only reason I'm doing these tricks, is because someone said 'I don't care if this is nuts, and I don't care if it hurts. I'm gonna climb this insanely high mountain. Watch me.' And when you're the first to climb a new mountain in gymnastics, they name it after you. A Gienger, a Rufolva, a Tchusovitina, a Shaposhnakova. They all rocked. And we salute you.
Joanne: Is this how you feel when you watch my routines?
Haley Graham: [snorts] Yes.
Joanne: [turns to Haley] I am SO sorry.
Poot: [holds both hands together up in the rock 'n roll sign] Too much rock for one hand, baby!
Haley Graham: Put me down Shrek!
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Burt Vickerman: You gonna be ready soon?
Haley Graham: Yup.
Burt Vickerman: You gonna hurt yourself?
Haley Graham: Probably.
Burt Vickerman: Just don't get any blood on the equipment.
Haley Graham: ...Too late!
Haley Graham: If you're gonna eat mat, you eat mat hard.
Poot: Dude, how did we not know about this sport?
Joanne: Don't do it Vic. This is a really bad idea. If you get on this tramp you will have a cardiovasectomy. I'll have a cardiovasectomy! Think about your wenis!
Burt Vickerman: Listen, I don't suppose, uh, college gymnastics is on your to-do list, right?
Haley Graham: Correct. College gymnastics is one big fat to-don't.
Burt Vickerman: Great. Then in addition to sparing innocent collegiate gymnastics coaches everywhere, you can keep any purse money that you might win, free and clear.
Haley Graham: I'm not competing or training again. Ever.
Burt Vickerman: Oh, you're gonna piss off the judge and kiss 18 goodbye?
Haley Graham: I guess.
Burt Vickerman: Hey. The IG Classic is comin' up in a month. Now you apply yourself, you could win some restitution money. It could get ya outta here. What do you think?
Haley Graham: I think if you showed up at the Classic with me an angry mob would probably cut your brakes.
Burt Vickerman: I got insurance.
Haley Graham: Oh, really? Well, no, thank you. This sport is a total joke. You know this. Sorry to dis your life's work and all. No offense.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, none taken. Now, there's nothin' fair about a girl landing a double pike and losing a tenth 'cause her toes weren't pointed. Nothin' fair about judges who don't have instant replay, and they're lookin' for perfection. Can you imagin football without instant replay? It'd be mayhem.
Haley Graham: Well, what about the rules?
Burt Vickerman: What? The Code of Point? Hey...
Haley Graham: Yeah. It makes conventionality good and innovation bad. What's the point?
Burt Vickerman: How 'bout the fact that you were one of the greatest natural talents the sport's ever seen? Hmm? C'mon. You coulda been great.
Haley Graham: [chuckling] You're not actually pushing the "you coulda been great" speech. You are a total cliche. You realize that, right?
Burt Vickerman: Oh, OK, come on, uh, Original Recipe, let's hear it. You give me the speech.
Haley Graham: Fine. Uh... Talent out of the ass. Natural ability that half the world's gymnasts would kill for, and you're flushing it away. Don't flush your life away, kid.
[Beat]
Haley Graham: Step away from the bowl. Whatever.
Burt Vickerman: Well, you got the words right, anyway.
Haley Graham: I wasn't great. I was obedient. I'm sick and tired of being judged. I don't need it.
Burt Vickerman: Fascinating.
Haley Graham: What?
Burt Vickerman: For someone who hates being judged, you're one of the most judgemental people I've ever met. Come on.
[Outisde at his car]
Burt Vickerman: Well, it's only about five miles to the gym. Just down here. Hang a right at the gas station.
Haley Graham: I know how to get back.
Burt Vickerman: Oh, good. Hey. Hey, Miss Rebel Without Applause. Tell you what... you choose to compete in the IG Classic, you can come back. How's that?
[beat]
Burt Vickerman: Hike'll give you a chance to think things over.
Burt Vickerman: This isn't the real world. This is my world. You don't have to like me or like it here, but you do have to respect it.
Haley Graham: Respect?
[laughing]
Haley Graham: Is this how you respect people? I mean, you throw'em over a shoulder and violate their personal space?
[thumbs up]
Burt Vickerman: Oh, goody. I heard you were like this. I'm so glad it's true.
Haley Graham: I'm sorry. What is it that you've done to earn my respect?
Burt Vickerman: We have rules. We have rules for training.
Haley Graham: Oh.
Burt Vickerman: And the reason that we have rules and coaches is because this is gymnastics.
[Haley makes faces at him, he knocks her hat off]
Burt Vickerman: Hey!
Haley Graham: That was rude.
[sighs]
Burt Vickerman: While danger and risk is the reality of what we do Haley, it's calculated. Can't be calculated if you don't respect the laws.
Haley Graham: Uh-huh.
Burt Vickerman: [pushes Haley off of the beam] The laws of gravity for instance.
Haley Graham: OK, what's your point?
Burt Vickerman: Look, I want you to be back here tomorrow at 10am, ready to train. Or we can call the judge and you can go to jail. Hey, you decide.
Haley Graham: [walking off] Don't expect me to train.
Burt Vickerman: And lose the hat tomorrow.
Haley Graham: Lose the gum.
Haley Graham: Dalmatians are born with spots they don't earn them which is exactly my point.
Joanne: [Poot asks the girls to skip practice when Vic gets hurt] No! We still have workouts to finish.
Mina Hoyt: Who died and made you Nadia?
Joanne: Vick! When can we scrap the old long-sleeve leotards? We need new ones for championships. Every college will be scouting me!
[to Haley]
Joanne: Not that you have to worry about any of that.
Haley Graham: New leotard might distract, you know, the judges and scouts from your
[beat]
Haley Graham: lack of talent. It's a solid strategy.
Joanne: Gee, Pariah Carey, I wonder why no one's scouting you. Oh! I forgot. You don't matter.
Haley Graham: [to Vickerman] That she can even say the word "college" is an indictment against the whole institution.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, Filibuster, no one cares.
[to Wei Wei]
Burt Vickerman: Wei Wei! Those moves are throwing off your routines.
Wei Wei Yong: Sorry.
Burt Vickerman: [to Haley] Chalk. Storage closet. Now.
Poot: Hi, I'm Poot and this is my hetero life mate, Frank.
Joanne: [Falls asleep, snores, then jumps awake] What'd I miss?... Just kidding!
[Tricia hugs her coach after beam event]
Joanne: [sarcastically] Why don't you just make out?
Tricia Skilken: What do you think, huh Wei Wei? Beat that.
Wei Wei Yong: Oh, I'm so shaking things up!
Frank: I have a gut feeling something bad is gonna happen.
[farts]
Poot: Man, why do you always have to bite my moment? Did it taste good?
Frank: [Slurps] Delicious.
Joanne: Vic, can we retire the old long-sleeved leotards? I have a constitutional right to bare arms.
[flexes]
Joanne: Woohoo, Bailey's back
[chokes]
Burt Vickerman: Joanne, go do your independent study.
Joanne: Well, doesn't she have to homeschool?
Haley Graham: Mina? Tell the foxymoron I got my GED when I was 15.
Mina Hoyt: Joanne, Haley got her GED when she was 15.
Joanne: What's with all the closed captioning? I'm not mute! And GED? What does drunk driving have to do with school?
Joanne: What's with all the closed captioning? I'm not mute! And GED... what does drunk driving have to do with anything?
Haley Graham: Don't worry, my heads up my butt too.
Judge Westreich: [talking to Hayley] There are a lot of great people who have jerks for parents, we gotta stick together.
[winks]
Joanne: OK, anything to get out of this tard, that's leo-tard without the leo in case your wondering.
Poot: Dude she's hot. What you don't think she's hot?
Frank: Man, she's got an apple butt.
Poot: A what?
Frank: An apple butt.
Haley Graham: Haley Graham: Gymnastics tells you no. All day long. It mocks you over and over again. Telling you you're an idiot. That you're crazy. If you like running fullspeed towards a stationary object, vault's for you. If you like pealing pieces of skin the size of quarters of your hands... bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun then rips, is when your rips get rips. It's super sexy. And floor, are you serious, I mean who doesn't want to parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It's delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is thee sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and your pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling... I LOVED IT!
Tricia Skilken: Go ahead, scratch. You're all zeros anyways.
Dorrie: I said pointy feet, not pointy words! Pointy words are mouth turds.
Burt Vickerman: Go get changed, warm up and join vault rotation.
Haley Graham: Uh, sorry. I accidentally burned all my leotards last year. Hope this is okay!
Joanne: Deja jealous Haley?
Haley Graham: Yes, I'm so jealous of Joanne that I've already memorized her pre-school beam routine.
Dorrie: Hey, easy. I choreographed that routine.
Joanne: Deja jealous Haley?
Haley Graham: Yes, I'm so jealous of Joanne that I've already memorized her preschool beam routine.
Dorrie: Hey, easy. I choreographed that routine.
Haley Graham: [in a russian accent] Your secret is safe with me!
Burt Vickerman: Are you gonna learn to control your tricks or do we need to have an ambulance on call?
Haley Graham: Call 'em up.
Burt Vickerman: I haven't had four girls qualify for championships in a long time.
Haley Graham: Define long.
Burt Vickerman: I haven't had four girls qualify... ever.
[pauses]
Haley Graham: Are you gonna cry?
Burt Vickerman: No it's a nice thing! Beautiful!
[walks off]
Haley Graham: [walking after him] What, you can cry! It doesn't make you any less of a man Vicky! Don't worry, I won't tell the parents!
Haley Graham: Stop being so nasty, Joanne.
Joanne: It's not called gym-nice-stics.
Burt Vickerman: You're popping your clutch, losing traction.
Haley Graham: I'm not popping shit.
Burt Vickerman: Are you sure?
Haley Graham: I'm so sure I'm practically deodorant.
Haley Graham: I heard you were strict about diet, but this is just rude.
Burt Vickerman: Hey, you piss where I eat, you don't eat.
Haley Graham: Oh, but you do? Does this mean you're eating my piss? Cause that's disgusting.
Burt Vickerman: Where is this deduction coming from?
Head Vault Judge: Her bra was showing, Burt. It is an automatic deduction if an undergarment is showing, Burt!
Burt Vickerman: She's flipping through the air, Doris, she's spinning! Of course her bra popped out! That rule is ancient!
Head Vault Judge: Apparently so is her bra.
Burt Vickerman: [to Mina] Your bra was showing.
[to audience]
Burt Vickerman: One-tenth off because her bra was showing!
[audience boos]
Joanne: [hugs Mina] Even I think that's low. And I should be happy, I mean, I want to win!
Poot: This casa's not su casa, no way.
Stussy: Get out!
Poot: There's like 6 other empty pools!
Stussy: That aren't as deep.
Poot: You're not that good!
Haley Graham: Did you see that? Can you believe it?
Poot: Yeah, are you... totally covered in soda or what?
Haley Graham: Yeah, thanks.
Frank: I'm so pissed at that kid, dude. We were totally gonna throw drinks on you. I feel so upstaged.
Poot: I know! Who do they think they are? They think they can just hate on you like that?
Frank: It's a bloody outrage, I tell you!
Poot: They're fakers, that's what! I can't stand fake Haley-haters! WE HATE HALEY MORE, PEOPLE, SO GET IN LINE!
Haley Graham: [whispers] Will you guys shut up?
Poot: Can I be upset?
Haley Graham: Can I go compete?
Frank: Can I eat? I'm so hungry.
Poot: [rubs Frank's head] Let's go get some nachos.
Poot: [to Frank, after insulting Joanne] Dude, I totally hate you right now.
Joanne: You know boys?
Haley Graham: Yeah, they're called friends. You should try it sometime.
Burt Vickerman: Haley's got a point. Why not have an in house competition?
Joanne: Uh, because we no lo needo.
Burt Vickerman: Let's get back to work, ladies. And try not to kill Haley in her sleep.
Joanne: Vic, we need new leotards for championships! All the colleges will be scouting me!
[looks at Haley]
Joanne: Not that you have to worry about any of that.
Haley Graham: New leotards might distract the judges and scouts from your lack of talent. It's a solid strategy!
Haley Graham: [in response to Vickerman's gold-medal promises to several parents] Yeah, um, you've got a lot of people going to the Olympics. Just curious, what country will they be representing? The state of delusion?
Joanne: What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!
Joanne: Call me!
Poot: Stalk you!
Haley Graham: It's Mina, right?
Joanne: Mina, put down the phone!
Haley Graham: Can you tell Joanne I'm gonna take over and do a REAL dismount?
Mina Hoyt: Joanne, Haley's on the phone. She says she's gonna do a real dismount.
Joanne: I heard her, thank you!
Haley Graham: How about, a double back?
Burt Vickerman: You will not throw a double back without training it first Haley!
Haley Graham: A little CPR will do you good.
Haley Graham: I think you should get on the tramp again, you know, just to make sure you still suck.
Joanne: So is Frank your, like, boyfriend?
Haley Graham: Like, no.
Joanne: Is Poot?
Haley Graham: no!
Joanne: Why not?
Haley Graham: Eww!
Joanne: So they're, like, fair game?
Poot: [shoves Haley out of the way] I prefer the term meat, please.
Joanne: That was spastic.
Poot: Thank you. May I accompany you to the jelly beans?
Joanne: You may.
Poot: Why you always gotta bite my moment?
Haley Graham: Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by the leotards people, the things gymnasts do make navy seals look like wusses. And we do them without a gun.
Joanne: [Jealous that some girl-girls are getting attention from some hot guys] What do they have that we don't have?
Wei Wei Yong: Lives.
Mina Hoyt: Time.
Haley Graham: Boobs.
[Mina and Wei Wei look at their chests]
Poot: Dude, when is whipped bad?
[pause]
Poot: Ever.
Tricia Skilken: [to Haley] Game Over!
[Haley laughs]
[after Haley's first scratch]
Burt Vickerman: Wait. Next time you should stick your tongue out too.
Haley Graham: I would, but my coach likes it when I control my tricks.
[he laughs]
Mina Hoyt: You were amazing. You'll win floor at event finals for sure.
Nastia Liukin: No. I didn't even qualify.
Mina Hoyt: That is so lame.
Tricia Skilken: [sarcastic] Boohoo. Stop whining.
Nastia Liukin: Diva!
Mina Hoyt: Devil!
Haley Graham: [voiceover] The only reason I'm doing these tricks, is because someone said 'I don't care if this is nuts, and I don't care if it hurts. I'm gonna climb this insanely high mountain. Watch me.' And when you're the first to climb a new mountain in gymnastics, they name it after you. A Gienger, a Rufolva, a Tchusovitina, a Shaposhnakova. They all rocked. And we salute you.
Joanne: Is this how you feel when you watch my routines?
Haley Graham: [snorts] Yes.
Joanne: [turns to Haley] I am SO sorry.
Poot: [holds both hands together up in the rock 'n roll sign] Too much rock for one hand, baby!
Haley Graham: Put me down Shrek!
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