[from the trailer]
Carl: You can't pretend that you are having sex with someone, when you are actually having sex with them.
Catherine: Oh, eww, this arugal is so bitter! It'l like my algebra teacher on my bread!
Arty: [on the set of Arty's play, "The Sound and the Fuhrer"] Great. Now I have three hours to find a new Ava Braun.
Hitler: You know what? Fuck her. And here's why.
Hitler: Number One - Anyone who's offended by drinking blood, obviously doesn't drink blood.
Hitler: Number Two - Anyone who drinks as much blood as I do knows it has no effect.
Hitler: Number Three - There is absolutely no scientific connection between drinking a shot of blood a day and being an extraordinary actor.
Hitler: And Number Four - it is impossible to prove Number Three.