Brenda:
The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid living today.
[
Parker is about to have sex]
Guy at party:
How old are you?
Parker:
How old do you want me to be?
Claire:
Well, isn't it comforting to know that being miserable is still better than being an idiot?
Claire:
If we live our lives the right way then everything we do can become a work of art.
Celeste:
[
on the phone] Fine, I'll do the crappy Kids Choice Awards, but I'm not presenting with Hilary fucking Duff.
Celeste:
Creepy Colin Farrell just left me another creepy message; can't we do something about that, y'know legally?
[
holding picture]
Nate:
There's something weird about twins, about these twins anyway.
[
shows picture to Brenda]
Brenda:
They're cute.
Nate:
They smell like bananas.
Claire:
You know, at first I was worried, but now I'm just pissed.
Maggie Sibley:
I know that if you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and take out happiness than you're going to be disappointed.
Officer Keith Charles:
[
talking to David about marriage] You're in my will, I'm in yours. We basically are married, even if the law refuses to recognize it. But then again, I refuse to recognize most of the Bush Administration. I guess it all evens out.
Nate:
Why do you treat me like shit all the time, Brenda?
Brenda:
Because I've had a really fucked-up life and I need sarcasm to hide how ridiculously miserable I am!
George Sibley:
I've made a lot of enemies through the years. You take the backstabbing world of academia, throw in a controversial field like geology and you've got real trouble.
Claire:
Geology is controversial?
George Sibley:
Oil, Claire. Oil.
Celeste:
You ever been with a woman?
Officer Keith Charles:
Of course.
Celeste:
I don't get fucked in the ass.
Officer Keith Charles:
That makes one of us.
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