Memorable quotes for
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)

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[During prison riot]
Rocko Dillon: I've been watching you McGurke. You handle yourself really good.
Frank Drebin: Really well.
Rocko Dillon: Whatever.

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Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.

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[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.

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Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

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Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

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Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.

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Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

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[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.

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[Jane catches Frank kissing Tanya]
Jane Spencer: How could you!
Tanya Peters: Well, you just shove your tongue as far down his throat as you can.

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Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.

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Frank Drebin: Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him.
Muriel Dillon: I am.

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Rocco Dillon: Where's your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.

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Olympia Dukakis: What's that?
James Earl Jones: It looks like Phil Donahue throwing up into a tuba.

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Tyrone: You just watch your step, McGurke. This place here changes a man.
Frank Drebin: Yeah, in what way?
Tyrone: I used to be white. I was the drummer for the Osmonds.

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Muriel Dillon: How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?
Rocco Dillon: As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?
Muriel Dillon: Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into.
Rocco Dillon: Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.

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Papshmir: My people are very upset.
Muriel Dillon: They're always upset. They're Arab terrorists.

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Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.

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Frank Drebin: Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again.

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Dr. Stuart Eisendrath: You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?
Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him.
Frank Drebin: Why don't you ask who's frigid?
Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him also.

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Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.

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[in the prison cafeteria]
Frank Drebin: Hey! You call this slop? Real slop has got chunks in it! This is more like gruel! And this Chateau le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What do you think we are, animals?

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Frank Drebin: They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number.

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Rocco Dillon: Any last words before I throw you off?
Jane Spencer: Yes. Don't do it.

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Dr. Kohlzak: [at a Sperm Bank and Fertility Clinic, unbeknownst to Frank, who's faking an old football injury] When did you first notice the problem?
Frank Drebin: In the backyard, with my uncle.
Dr. Kohlzak: In the backyard... with your uncle?
Frank Drebin: Yes, when he comes over we like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while.
Dr. Kohlzak: And what did you and your uncle find out?
Frank Drebin: Oh, I can't keep up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I can't seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it's... it's kind of numb. I may have yanked it too much maybe.
Dr. Kohlzak: [Hands him a cup and opens a door to another room] If you would.
Frank Drebin: For what?
Dr. Kohlzak: A sperm count.
Frank Drebin: In here?
Dr. Kohlzak: Well, it's not exactly the backyard, but it'll do.

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Frank Drebin: Do you have "Spartacus"?

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Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, just a second, I just had a thought. This show is being seen all over the world. I was thinking, if we could all just send good thoughts, transmit them through these cameras here, to the elected leader of China, Wing wa woo tong, so that they might finally be nice. Thank you.
[applause]
Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna! I cant help but think each time I go to the zoo and see those porpises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste that is. Butcher half of them now! That's hundreds of pounds of Dolphin meat that can be fed to our cats, freeing up that tuna for our nations hungry.
[one person claps here]
Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
Frank Drebin: Uh so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, butcher those cats, skin them! Use their fur to keep hundreds warm!
Raquel Welch: [shocked] Jesus, Phil!

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Jane Spencer: [at marriage counselling] You came highly recommended by our last therapist.
Dr. Stuart Eisendrath: Yes, I was sorry to hear about his suicide.

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Ed Hocken: You haven't shot anybody in six months.
Frank Drebin: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things.

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Frank Drebin: [Narrating] Rocco could tell from my little escapade in the shower that I was well endowed... with courage.

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Papshmir: [to Rocco] You are supposed to be the world's foremost terrorist bomber. Airlines, government buildings...
Muriel Dillon: The devastation in South Florida.
Papshmir: That was Hurricane Andrew.
Muriel Dillon: That's what they told the public.

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[Big Con drops a bar of soap in the prison shower room]
Big Hairy Con: Bend over and pick it up for me, would you lover?
Frank Drebin: Sure. No problem.
[Bends over. His towel falls off, revealing cast iron underwear]

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[Frank and Jane approach first cab with Middle-eastern driver]
Frank Drebin: Does that radio work?
Cabbie: [speaks rapidly in Farsi]
[they move to second cab with Rastafarian driver]
Frank Drebin: Call police squad! Tell 'em Fran Drebin says...
Cabbie: [speaks rapidly in Jamaican Patios]
[they move to third cab with a dark-skinned African driver]
Frank Drebin: Forget it
[they leave]
Cabbie: [in proper Colonial English] I wonder what the devil he wanted!

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Rocko Dillon: [firing a gun over the heads of the audience] Freeze, and nobody gets hurt!
[a grip falls from the rafters into the orchestra]
Rocko Dillon: Well... from now on!

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